Christmas 2009

Well, Santa managed to find us all the way out here in South Korea. There's no hiding from that guy. I think he was here around 1 this morning and thank God nobody got up until a little after 9.

There were many challenges for Santa this year, as Lucinda was telling Will, Santa used to make all the toys but now it's cheaper to buy them in China and that's why Santa brings will the same stuff he sees over at WalMart. Well, it's the same here, Will. It's just plain cheaper for Santa to just pick stuff up at the PX here on the post rather than haul it all the way here from the North Pole in his sleigh. With the cost of gas these days it's best to keep the ride light. Unfortunately the PX here is the definition of SUCK and he didn't really want to venture out into Seoul because SANTA DOESN'T SPEAK KOREAN. So, you get what you get.

Santa brought Haley a karaoke machine. I'd like to shoot Santa in the face for that moment of weakness, but I'm sure it was just nerves because he had nothing for Haley to open and was desperate. By the way, Owen sings a rousing rendition of "Take me out to the ballpark" that will absolutely bring the house down.

Santa also brought some Hershey's Bliss creme de menthe meltaway candy. Score one for Santa, those things are awesome. If I wasn't married I'd marry him for bringing those. Oh wait...nevermind.

And if you don't already own a pair of Elmo Tickle Hands and Santa doesn't bring you any, you need to get some JUST SO you can watch the accompanying sing along/dance along DVD. That's 5 minutes YOU DON'T NEED TO MISS. It's worth whatever you have to pay for the hands.

Scott got me a Sony ereader, so I can download books and read them instead of buying books over and over because BOOKS COUNT AGAINST OUR WEIGHT ALLOWANCE, QUIT BUYING HEAVY, HEAVY BOOKS, JENNIFER. My ereader holds about 350 books. Take THAT, Army.

I took some pictures this morning of the kids opening their presents. It's been awhile since I've posted any pictures, I KNOW, but what do you know, I can still kind of work the camera.

And that's why we can't fly Delta anymore

There's something about being on an airplane that makes a child have to use the bathroom about 47 times an hour. Especially if you are nine, like Haley.

The plane we flew on from Atlanta to Seattle was one of those with three seats, then an aisle, then three seats. I'm sure there's a specific name for a plane with this layout, but I don't know it and don't care to know it. I hate flying, it doesn't make any sense to me how it's all possible, and I don't want to learn about flying, because I hate flying.

We were lucky enough to have an entire row, and so we sat Owen near the window, then Skylar, then Scott on the aisle; I sat across the aisle with Haley in the middle and Ashlyn by the window. I would like to point out that Scott got the better end of this deal, mainly because Owen is a male and is therefore amused by the smallest of things, like, oh, say, looking out the window of an airplane for five straight hours, and Skylar is two and can be entertained by a piece of paper and fart noises.

Ashlyn, being a little on the boring side like me, spent her time reading and playing her DS, not making so much as a peep. Haley, on the other hand, made enough noise for all of us. She fidgeted, she asked questions, she dropped things, she kicked me, she whined, she picked at Ashlyn, and she climbed over me to go to the bathroom. MANY MANY TIMES.

I'm not sure what all was happening on the other side of the aisle, as I was busy perfecting my whole I'M NOT WITH THEM m.o.; all I know is everyone was perfectly entertained, and the peals of laughter and fart noises didn't seem to be bothering anyone. However, at some point Skylar noticed Haley repeatedly getting up and going to the back of the plane and asked where she was going, to which I said "nowhere" and Haley said "the bathroom" all at the same time. Skylar sat there for a second as it sunk in and she kind of half asked, half stated "This place has a BATHROOM?!"

And well, after that it was all over.

Have you ever been on an airplane? If so, did you frequent the lavatory? They are terribly small. Too small, in fact for an adult to be in there with a child. I mean, I'm sure an adult can be in the lavatory on an airplane with a normal child, one whose hair is of normal size, but Skylar's hair takes up so much freaking room we decided-

Let me take a second to explain that when I use the term "we" I use it in the loosest possible fashion and I really mean "Scott" because WE WERE ON AN AIRPLANE tens of thousands of feet above land and I was in no position to make any decisions regarding anything because I was too busy willing the plane not to fall out of the sky. Which is hard work.

So anyway, we (loosely) decided that since Haley was probably going to the bathroom all the time anyway that she could just take Skylar with her. Because Haley is accommodating if she wants to be (NEVER) and Skylar is good when she wants to be (NEVER) and this had THIS IS GOING TO GO WELL written all over it.

The first few times they went to the bathroom together there were slight disagreements over who was actually going to "go" first, which led to heated discussions inside the bathroom. These discussions were heard throughout the rear of the plane, as Skylar is unnaturally loud. Not surprisingly, Skylar got her way and from what I gather the way it worked was Skylar used the bathroom and Haley sent her out of the lavatory and back up the aisle to us and then, once Skylar was out and the door was closed again, Haley used the bathroom herself. This system seemed to work, so why mess with a good thing? Why? BECAUSE YOU ARE HALEY.

Then Skylar had to poop, and for some reason Haley wanted to exercise her rights as the older sibling to get her way, and so she insisted on "going" first, and Skylar didn't like it much, and she screamed about it, and then Skylar told Haley there was no way she would go after Haley went, that the toilet must be flushed first. This in itself is a joke, because Skylar does not flush the potty. No way, never. She will even tell you, "I'm not going to flush right now, because I'm not finished going, but I'm watching Dora and when it's over I'll come back and finish and then I'll flush." So Haley obliged and flushed.

Getting back to my question about have you ever been on a plane and used the lavatory...do you remember flushing the toilet? The sudden surge of power, the LOUD noise, the sucking down of anything not glued down that might be lying on the vanity beside the sink? Well, Skylar had never had the pleasure. And it scared the bejesus out of her. The screaming was really, really loud, and I looked at Scott and he looked at me and I was all "Are you kidding me? I'm singlehandedly KEEPING THE PLANE IN THE AIR and I can't go back there and deal with that." So we (loosely) decided Haley was doing fine and nobody needed to get up.

Haley came back without Skylar and reported that it didn't go so well, that Skylar was terrified to get on the potty after that, but Haley insisted, and Skylar fought her pretty hard, and, well, they got a TINY bit of poop on the bathroom. And on Skylar's pants. Meanwhile, Skylar is still in the bathroom, howling. Scott decided to go, because really, it was better that he deal with it so I could keep us all from plummeting to our death. He handled it brilliantly, got them all back in line and back in their seats in no time flat. Good job, Scott!!

And Delta, you're welcome for that pair of size 2T/3T panties that we (loosely) left on the plane.