Well, let me start by saying my last post was in September, so that's less than a year ago. Things are already looking better. Not really.
Now, a lot of people will read this and go Hey, that's not that bad, and you're right, it's probably not, but the thing is this is not an isolated incident. These is basically a summary of how every day here is, you just change some of the locations.
When we moved to Korea, or rather when we were getting ready to move to Korea, we talked to several people who had lived here before us and they all had the same thing to say: It's just a little bit off. You'll see a lot of things that look familiar from a distance, that sound familiar, but when you get right down to it they're just a little bit...well, wrong. And I want to say that after living here for 14 months I completely agree. There are things here that look very much like things you see in the states, but they are NOT THE SAME. Like cheesecake. Valuable lesson: Never sample cheesecake in a Korean store. Because it's a lie. Also McDonalds and Outback. Korea, be serious. You should not even be allowed to call them by those names.
Then there's all the stuff on post. I'm not sure, maybe all military installations are run this way, but at least on other posts you are dealing with people who speak English. Maybe that's my biggest problem here. All the people who run the places on post are not very good speakers of English, and I am not a good speaker of Korean. Their language has an awful lot to do with stressing certain syllables and voice inflection and the like and you know, I'm from Georgia. I have a friend who was born in Arkansas but spent a good amount of time in Tennessee. Her husband told her once that he could tell when she'd spent the day with me because she sounded like a hick. So, needless to say, my voice box is not capable of producing sound that a Korean will understand. Ever. And don't even get me started on having to deal with them on the phone.
We have a cat named Gary. He's a Korean cat, so basically that means he doesn't understand anything I say to him, and he ignores me. He speaks Korean. I know this because the sound he makes when he meows is unlike any sound I've ever heard a cat make before in my life. And he makes that sound every single time Haley leaves the house. Gary likes to sit in the front window and gaze outside, like all cats do. We had blinds in that window. Gary tore them down. It's been a while since this happened, and we've just been living with the window bare so all of Itaewon Acres can look right in, and finally Scott started to complain about how I needed to do something about it.
I called the number to Kohom, the company that manages the houses on post, and asked for more blinds. They gave me another number. I called the second number and asked for more blinds. You have to take a second here and think about what it sounds like when a southern person asks for blinds compared to when a normal person asks for blinds. The people at the second number had no idea what I was talking about but were relatively sure they didn't have it so they gave me a third number. Fast forward to the phone call to phone number #6 and I finally got an American on the phone who said he'd take care of it. The next day someone called, maybe Kohom, maybe not, but definitely Korean, and wanted to come measure for blinds, and could they come at 2:45. So this is my side of the conversation:
Uh, isn't that when school gets out?
Yes? Then no, you can't come then because I won't be here. I'll be back a little after 3 though.
No, you can't come right before 3. You can come right after 3.
If you can come at 2:55 why can't you come 10 minutes later? 10. T-EH-N. No, not 10:00, just a little after 3.
Well, whatever, but if I'm not here I guess you'll have to wait.
3:00. I get back at 3:00.
No, not usually before 2:55.
Yes, I'm here right now.
No, I'm not going anywhere until I pick the kids up from school.
Well, USUALLY NOT LONG BUT NOT UNTIL 3.
Yes, now would be a great time for you to come.
(3 minutes later they are here. No lie.)
And my point is why? Why Why Why? Why do they have to do this to me?
So they show up and need to measure the window. There is a table in front of that window with all my machines on it, and Korean dude is all climbing all around on the table trying to measure. Nevermind that the old broken blinds are RIGHT THERE with the measurement on them. The window could have changed sizes since those were hung, right? We've got to re-measure. So he does, and then is genuinely surprised when his numbers match the numbers on the old set.
"Now we measure, we find cost you pay voucher cash collection at housing bring us paper we come you all finished about one day."
Uh, what?
"We call."
They called the next day, and that phone call didn't go so well either, but finally I got that the next step was taking place at housing and I needed to be there. Scott and I went to housing and told the girl at the front desk the story about the cat, and the blinds, and the measuring, and we needed to pay, and she told us Mr. Lee wasn't in and he was the only person who could do it and we'd need to come back, probably tomorrow, but she wasn't sure he'd be in, he might be out, so maybe we could call. This girl wasn't Korean, which gave me a false sense of hope, but she turned out to be something other that Miss English Is My First Language, and it rapidly went downhill, because I do not understand why somebody other than Mr. Lee can't hand us the piece of paper we need. And "he's the only one here who does that" doesn't make any sense to me, because what if Mr. Lee died? What would all of us who needed new blinds do then? And when I asked her that Scott had a small heart attack and said it was time to go. We were pulling out of the parking space when the girl came running outside and guess what, Mr. Lee was back! Yay! So we went back in, told Mr. Lee what we wanted and lo and behold Mr. Lee doesn't even handle those pieces of paper. See that room right there? That room with 4 people twiddling their thumbs? THEY do that. THEY can help you. And they did, and we got the paper, and then we went to finance to pay.
Finance is in another building here. You have to drive and you have to find a place to park in one of the two spots that are full, so you have to go all the way to the bowling alley and hike back a quarter of a mile to the office. Oh, finance closes at 4, and it's 4:10. Sorry, come back later. So we went back the next day, but it was a holiday or something for Finance so strike two. I went back last week on Thursday. You know, Finance is closed on Thursday. All day long they are closed. They are open 9 to 4 every day except for Thursday when they are closed all day and the hour and a half they are closed for lunch each day. People, are you thinking of joining the military? WORK IN FINANCE. We obviously need more people there, because we don't have enough to fill an entire duty week. Who works 9 to 4? Good Lord. Today I went back to Finance and you have to have cash. This is totally my fault I guess because I thought you could give them a check or a debit card. It never occurred to me that I'd need actual dollars, but still. That's 4 times I've gone over there and it's just not working out. God does not want me to have blinds.
So shortly after that I was leaving to pick the kids up from school, and I'm driving, and Skylar's in the carseat when all of a sudden she goes two steps beyond hysterical. It honestly was the fastest turnaround any of my kids have ever displayed and she's screaming "It's stuck!" and "In my nose!"
You have got to be freaking kidding me.
Why? Why Why Why would you be EVER be holding something and get tired of holding it and think "I'll just put it here, IN MY NOSE."?? I had been sewing before we left the house, and she'd been going through all my stuff, hiding it, and she'd picked up a pink rhinestone roughly the size of a button and decided to take it with her, because it was a beautiful magic treasure that she was going to keep forever because it was so special. Special enough to shove up her nose not 90 freaking seconds later. And blood is going everywhere, and I'm all "Blow! Blow into this ATM receipt!" and IT ISN'T WORKING and I'm going through my mental list of all the people I can call to help me. Do you know how many people are on that list? ONE. One person could actually help me, but the logistics of it were just impossible for me to figure out as I'm on my way to the ER, worried about
1. Ashlyn has volleyball today, I can't call her and change any previously given instructions because she wasn't involved in them to begin with.
2. Haley doesn't have a cell phone. She's only 10, and she'd annoy the hell out of me calling me every 10 minutes if she did have one so I can't call her.
3. The other two girls that ride home with me have a cell phone. I don't have that number. I also don't have their mother's number. How that is humanly possible is beyond me.
4. I can't call the school. The lady that answers the phone is Korean.
5. I'm speeding on post.
6. I'm talking on my cell phone while speeding on post.
7. TWEEZERS. I NEED A PAIR OF TWEEZERS.
I pull into the shoppette area and there's a little store there called Daiso. I have no idea how to pronounce the name or explain the purpose of this store, but it's about the size of a bathroom and they sell an assortment of things that boggle my mind. It's so random I can't even begin to list it all. All the parking spots are full, so I go all Korean on them and MAKE MY OWN and scream "Stay here!" to Screaming Her Head Off in the back seat and go tearing inside. Don't turn the car off, not even completely sure I closed the door. And hey, how good it that? That whole 'stay here' part? She's locked into a Britax, bleeding all over the place about to faint because her most prized possession in the whole wide world is lodged in her sinus cavity and I'm out of my mind but still enough of a parent to be concerned about her POSSIBLY WANDERING OFF.
I go running in and tell the girl I need tweezers. And she's Korean. Apparently they don't call them tweezers. Really? We have to play Charades now? For the love of all that is holy, I'm standing there with my car illegally parked, my car illegally running without a driver, and my unattended 4 year old still inside (also illegal of course) and I'm miming tweezing my eyebrows. And I guess you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work at Daiso because it took her a good 25 seconds to figure out what I was doing AND I WAS ILLEGALLY USING WORDS. Turns out Daiso has two kinds of packs for sale that contain tweezers, and I wanted to just buy the first one I saw, but she wanted to make sure I saw the second kind, because it was a little different, and I'm all I WANT TO BUY ONE RIGHT NOW JUST SURPRISE ME. $1.60 later I'm hauling back to the car and I fling open the back door and Skylar's all sunshine and happiness "It's okay Mommy, I blowed it out!"
We parked in plenty of time to pick everyone up from school, btw.
Then we went to CYS, which is Child and Youth Services, to pay for ballet for March, and I would like to say that CYS on this post is the worst run establishment in the history of the world. It took an hour to pay for ballet. One. Hour. Because the teacher for her Thursday class told me it might be canceled for March, and I might have to move Skylar to another time slot, so I had to check with the people in charge, I couldn't just put a check in the box, so I had to sign in and wait to be called, and finally when it was my turn I had to explain that I was checking to make sure the class time was still available blah blah blah and if not then I needed a new class time but if it was open I just wanted to pay and THE LADY WAS KOREAN and I totally understand why some people just go sit alongside the highway sometimes and randomly shoot at passing cars.
It's not that it's hard, even though it is. It's not that it's frustrating, even though it is. It's that I have a certain list of things I have to do each day and a certain way I need to do them and Korea does nothing except work against me. And as far as I know I've never done anything to Korea to provoke it.
So I came home and called Scott, because I honestly was about to go off the deep end and when that happens the only thing I can think to do is spend an obnoxious amount of money on something we don't need but promises to make your life easier, like a George Foreman Grill, which makes no sense to sane people but in my mind Hey, it makes your life easier! I need for things to be easier! I'll buy this grill! And Scott said he thought I should go to bed early.
Hmmm.
Good advice, except that leaves no time for me to go buy and play with unnecessary kitchen appliances.
I just need a break. Just a little one. Only I don't see one coming for over a year. Boo.
