Candid camera

Live from Iraq.

Each and every morning

Every morning Owen protests school in some way.  This is his "maybe if she doesn't see me she'll forget to take me" try, which is lame, but in his defense he doesn't have many options once I get him in the car.  At least he doesn't get naked anymore.     

Happy Birthday Yesterday!!

Yesterday was Skylar's 2nd birthday.  I would have mentioned it had I been blogging yesterday, but instead I was spending an exorbitant amount of time at the doctor's office (2+ hours), followed by the pharmacy (1+hours), followed by making several phone calls, the last one ending with me saying "Just where exactly do you sit at the doctor's office because I'm coming over there right now to KICK YOUR ASS."  Not my finest moment, but not my worst, so I'm at peace with it.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKYLAR.  You are such a joy to have and to spend time with.  You are such a happy, happy child.  Your personality is second to none, and I'm so glad that I have finally managed to capture that personality on film to share with all the people who never get to spend time with you.  LOOK AT THAT PRECIOUS FACE!  WHO WANTS TO BABYSIT?? 

Tagged-Fourth

I was looking up Becky's blog so I could link to her and lo and behold she freakin tagged me again.
You're supposed to post your fourth picture in your fourth folder. Honestly, who thinks this stuff up? And do they get paid?

Here's mine.  Apparently we're hard up for entertainment around this place.  

The Bucket List

Those of you who know me know that one sure way to get me back on here writing nonsense is to send me some type of survey.  I hate them, yes, but for some reason I can't not do them.  This one was sent to me by Amanda, and then by Lucinda.  And of course I'm tagging everybody who reads this blog, and both of you better oblige me and do it too.

Subject: The Bucket List--Something Different 

Hit forward and place an (x) by all the things you've done and remove
the (x) from the ones you have not. 

(  ) Been to Europe
(x) Been on a cruise
(  ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
(  ) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
(  ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
(x) Gone to Washington , DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(  ) Sang Karaoke
(x) Made prank phone calls
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(  ) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise alone 
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice skating
(x) Gone roller skating
(x) Gone to the movies
(  ) Own your Favorite Car

1. Any nickname? Jenny Lynn (by Scott), Dipshit (by my kids--but only in their minds)
2. Mother's name? Donna
3. Favorite drink? water
4. Body Piercing? my ears and my belly button
5. How much do you love your Car? my van/party wagon is freaking awesome.  GET YOURSELF A VAN
6. Birthplace? Rome, GA
7. Been to Hawaii? yes
8. Ever been to Africa? No
9. Ever eaten just cookies for dinner? probably so but my memory doesn't reach farther back than last week.  it's the mary jane.
10. Ever been on TV? yes
11. Ever steal any traffic sign? no, but the lawyer has
12. Ever been in a car accident? yes
13. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4-door
14. ?Why is this question missing?
15. Favorite number? 6
16. Favorite movie? Sense and Sensibility
17. Favorite holiday? St. Patrick's Day
18. Favorite dessert? peach cobbler
19. Favorite food? kung pao chicken
20. Favorite day of the week? Friday
21. Favorite brand of body wash? who cares
22. Toothpaste? Colgate
23. Favorite smell? clean baby hair
24. How do you relax? mwahhaha
25. How do you see yourself in 10 years? the wife of a battalion commander
26. Furthest Place you will send this message? I'm tagging Amber in Italy
27. Who will respond to this the fastest? uh, I'll put the pressure on BECKY

Back by popular demand

It's been awhile, but I'm back.  I know, I know, it's very exciting and all, but please, KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON.  It's gonna be just as crappy as it was before, so there's no need in getting naked.

I'd like to share what's been happening in the past three weeks, but it'd no doubt bring on a bout of crying and I've got a lunch date and don't want to have to redo my make-up.  So I'll just sum it all up with one of my favorite t-shirts.  

And along came Facebook

I have really slacked off with the blogging, I know, but have you heard of this wonderful thing called Facebook?  Well, it's gonna take some 12-step program to get me off of it.  And I'm obsessed, and I have no clue what I'm doing, other than so far I've found out my true age is 21 (which you find out after answering some random questions that have nothing to do with your health history), I'm most like the 80's movie Say Anything (which I've never seen, but I'm guessing is about some pill popping obsessive compulsive borderline alcoholic surrounded by lots and lots of kids and a poop eating dog.  What?  No?), and I've been kidnapped by Haila and Waymon, who live in South Carolina, and now I need to try to escape.  

As best as I can figure Facebook is the biggest time waster on the planet, but I cannot seem to stop doing it.  I've joined causes, like the Fallen Soldiers cause and the Feel My Boobies cause, and I've joined groups, like the Les Mills instructors group.  I am also currently getting my ass kicked in a game of scrabble between me, my brother, and my cousin in Texas.  

Facebook is like texting every one of my friends, and the status updates work like a twitter feed.  So, all of you need to get Facebook pages so we can be friends.  Even Pops is on Facebook now, so see?  ANYBODY can do it!

It's not that there's been an absence of stuff to blog about either.  Oh, there's been plenty.  I could blog about how I'm the coach of Ashlyn and Haley's basketball team.  Dealing with little kids who have no clue about something I love as much as basketball is not what I was necessarily born to do, but I'm dealing with it.  Or, we could talk about how I went to the Dollar Store, bought $45 worth of Rubbermaid totes and packed up every toy Owen owns because he wouldn't pick them up off the floor.  And have you ever heard of Fred's?  I think I went in there once with my Grandma but I must not have been paying attention because that place is AWESOME.  Like a super cheesy WalMart, with nothing of value but good grief I could spend HOURS in there.  We could discuss the fact that the kids are all grounded off the Wii, the television, and the computer, leaving them nothing to do but read books and stare at each other.  What about Owen now taking karate?  Also, Tuesday night we all sat downstairs in the girls' closet for half an hour (with Heidi and Trixie, natch) waiting for a tornado to come blow us away.  And our last conversation would have been about how HALEY IS HOGGING ALL THE ROOM.  THERE'S NO PLACE FOR MY FEET.  SHE'S SHOVING ME.  HEIDI IS TRYING TO EAT TRIXIE.  EWWW SKYLAR STINKS.  It's comforting to think that my last thought on this earth would be about the possibility of Skylar having shit in her pants. 

But really, if I devoted time to writing about all this stuff in detail there would be no time left for Facebook.  I'm gonna need to shift around some of my priorities so I can fit all this stuff in.  But first I need to see how many pairs of underwear everyone has so I'll know how long I can put off doing the laundry. 

I've also got some pictures from my new camera I got for Christmas from Scott, and I hope to sometime soon get the cable and get them on the new computer and posted on here.  So hang tight, all you who refuse to participate in my life via Facebook (you know who you are, Joan and Chris) and I'll get this thing back up and running in a day or so.

In the meantime, I'd like to thank my brother Brian for posting a picture of my underwear on Facebook for all the world to see.  It's nice to know you care. 

Happy New Year!

"Haley!  Look!  The ball is dropping!"

"Wow!"

"5...4...3...2...1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!  It's the new year!"

"That is pretty cool, mama!"

"Yeah, it's neat to watch it."

"Can we watch it next time?"

"Sure!"

"So...how often do they do it?"

2 things

1. Owen spilled a glass of water on the mac and it died. Don't worry, it was quick and painless. So when the mac died all my pictures went with it, only Firedog at Circuit City says for 99.99 they can save the hard drive. The new mac is currently set to be delivered on the 30th.

2. Went to the ER again tonight. I can't seem to stay away from that place for long. As a matter of fact, when I handed the lady my insurance card she glanced at it and handed it right back, saying "Oh, we already have your information on file!" Anyway, Skylar decided to try to do a swan dive off Pops' bed, and it might have been successful if that damn bedside table hadn't gotten in her way. FYI Chris and Jin: Head wounds bleed like a mutha!

Hypothetical question

So....

If I were to maybe let another dog hang out around the house, you know, because I'm lonely and bored since Scott's gone, what kind should it be?

Hypothetically speaking and all...

She clearly spends too much time with me

(coming from somewhere in the back of the van)

CRASH!!!

"What the hell was that?"

"MAMA!  Skylar said HELL!"

Why you won't see video of Haley's Christmas show

"Daddy, the video of Haley's class singing is really shaky, and that video camera has image stabilization on it."

"Yeah, the girl in front of me kept bending over and she had one of those tramp stamp tattoos. It kept throwing me off."

Feeding time

Tell the truth, CAN YOU STAND THE EXCITEMENT? CAN YOU HANG? IS IT TOO MUCH?
I'm beginning to see who "the life of the party" is in my marriage.
And it's not me.

Say it loud, say it proud

I'm going to say this, and I'm not the least bit embarrassed. 

THAT MINIVAN IS FREAKIN' AWESOME.

Seriously, everyone should go out and get themselves a minivan right now.  No matter how many kids you have, if you only have one kid, or even if you don't have any kids, the minivan is the vehicle for you.  Hell, minivans should be the only kind of car anybody makes anymore, they are that fabulous.  And I'm not pushing brands or anything, so get whichever one you want, but mine is pretty dang sweet, so if you're asking my opinion, get one like this.

And I don't care what anybody thinks about me driving a minivan.  Though I do feel I have a small degree of awesomeness, I'm not cool, I don't pretend to be cool, and I don't want to be cool (if it means giving up my minivan).  If anything, having a minivan has made me even more awesome, because it's awesomeness rubs off on my when I ride around in it.  And gas?  Oh my gosh, $27 filled it all the way up.  We won't even talk about what it cost to put gas in my Expedition.  

It all comes down to the fact that this van makes my life better, much like my beloved cell phone does.  It will make your life better too.  So go get one.  You'll thank me for it.       

Christmas Parade 2008

This year we were lucky enough to be able to attend the Rome Christmas Parade.  I have held off talking about it even though there were a few floats that I definitely needed to address on here, mainly to back up the fact that SHE IS NOT MARRYING HIM.  Now, after several weeks of heavy prayer, Jax is history.  Say it with me people, THANK YOU, JESUS.      

I would like to say that every church in Rome, GA (and there are about a million since this is the bible belt and all) had a float in the parade.  I took a picture of every one of them, but they all looked pretty much alike and not a single one was particularly remarkable so I won't bore you with them.  Also, just about every high school had a band participating, and I'm not posting pics of them either.  Everybody has seen a band before, so there's no point.  I'm just gonna pick a few of the more interesting ones and share those.

Firstly, I give you Brian and Claire, voted "Most Photogenic" at the Christmas Parade this year. 

These are a small group of pictures that prove that all you had to have in order to be allowed to participate in the parade is enough money to cover the entrance fee.

Cloggers!  They had cloggers in the parade.  Clogging is big time down here.  There was a guy in my high school, I think his name was Lamar, and every year in the talent show he would clog.  And even though everyone was like "I'd never be caught dead clogging" he would always get the biggest ovation because he was absolutely awesome at it.  One year he did a cartwheel off the stage and clogged up to the back of the auditorium and the crowd had to be held back to keep from mobbing him in the aisle, it was that exciting.  (and people actually wonder why I moved away from here)  Oh, and FYI, Amanda was a clogger for like, 12 years or something.  And she honestly believes she's coming over on Monday to sew.  We'll see about that.    

Look at the cute little cloggers!  Sometimes I feel like I missed out on certain things in my childhood.  Now is not one of those times.

I'm not going to say anything about this one.  I'm sure there is a lot to be said, but I just don't even want to address it.  

Do you recycle?  We do.  The green thing on the truck goes by the name Re-Re (really?  that's the best you could come up with?)  He came to Owen's school and terrified all the children and then he rode in the Christmas parade and terrified all the rest of the kids.  He bothers me a little.  I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, but he makes me nervous.

Here's a picture of Santa, who Skylar refuses to have anything to do with.  I told Skylar that we were putting all her passy's in her stocking and Santa would take them and leave her presents and her actual words were "I don't give a rat's ass what he leaves me, that man is not taking my passy's."  And now she won't go near him and when we see him at the mall she hides her passy behind her back.  

And here are the pictures I wanted you to see the most.  See the lady driving the tractor?  She is Jax's mom.  Look how happy she looks, up there driving a tractor in the Christmas parade.  And look at the sign on the tractor.  She's a logger.  Good grief.    

Look at this one.  The little girl driving?  The same 9 year old who was driving the kids around at the birthday party.  Driving a jacked up power wheels in the Christmas parade.     

Oh, and here's the rest of the family.  See, they're waving right at me, because they recognize me from the birthday party.  We're tight like that now. 

I told all of you how bad it was, and nobody believed me.  You all want to laugh but you've got kids who are going to pull this same kind of shit one day and who's gonna be laughing then?  Huh?  ME! 

How do I always get myself into these situations? I'm lucky that way I guess. Like the time I took Haley to a birthday party in Texas and we were the only white people there and they played Jay-Z really loud and had a dance-off and Haley won.  It's mind-boggling.  Maybe for Christmas I'll get some Calgon.

Close only counts when you play with hand grenades

This morning Skylar and I were at the Floyd Hospital outpatient surgery center bright-eyed and bushy tailed at 6am so she could get tubes put in her ears and her adnoids taken out.  Skylar does not come out of anesthesia well, instead she comes out screaming and throwing punches in all directions.  That was fun!

As I carried Skylar, her blanket, her sippy cut, the diaper bag, my purse, and the pillow from the hospital bed (which Skylar was not leaving without no way no how) to the van I pushed the button on the remote, the door slid open immediately, and I was able to plop Skylar into her seat.  Then, with a light touch of the handle the door began sliding closed again, I jumped in the front seat, hit the butt warmer button and was ready to go with practically no physical effort on my part.  We got to the house, and before I got out I hit the button and the side door began to open.  By the time I got out and shut my door, Skylar's door was fully open and I was able to reach right in and get her.  Then, another light touch of the handle and the door finished closing while I was opening up the front door on the house.  You could get really fat driving a van like this, as you burn practically zero calories because you don't do anything.  

It was all rather nice.

If you don't count the part about it being a MINIVAN.  

Attention

Hell froze over today.

Happy Birthday Haley!

Happy Birthday!  Now you are 8 years old and legally able to ride in the front seat of the car.  Here, let's celebrate-have a giant rat!

This is Trixie, who Haley decided was the luckiest guinea pig at Petland today, because she's the one I bought.  Um, I bet that's not what Trixie is thinking.  Trixie is more than likely thinking  "What the hell?"

We are mostly sure that Trixie is a girl, because the girl at Petland picked her up, took a look and told me "Well, I guess it's a girl because I don't see any balls."  And I was too shocked at her wordage to be offended, kind of like yesterday, when Jenny used the word "sharted" to describe what had taken place in my house while I wasn't there.  

Trixie is a big hit here of course, and she hasn't peed on anybody (yet) and she hasn't bitten anybody (yet) and we only had one scare when Skylar squeezed her head and she made a noise that sounds a lot like the sound Heidi makes when you accidentally step on her foot.  Honestly, I give this thing 2 weeks, 3 tops.  And if she ever gets away from us it's all over but the crying, because I'm telling you what, this thing can scoot.  It took 20 minutes for me to catch her earlier and she was in a 10x15 cage.  

This might go down in history as the best birthday present ever in our house.  Well, until February anyway, when Ashlyn's rolls around....hint hint-it's gonna be big!  When Scott's away, I BUY ANIMALS.

Exactly

Making memories

(Not the best thing to hear coming from the living room)

"Look out, Skylar, FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!"