Hell hath no fury...

like Owen with a plastic golf club.

FYI

Hey, if anyone out there needs any Desitin, I think I know where I can find some.

Happy Memorial Day

Final Inspection

The soldier stood and faced God

Which must always come to pass

He hoped his shoes were shining

Just as brightly as his brass.

"Step forward now, you soldier,

How shall I deal with you?

Have you always turned the other cheek?

To My Church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders

Said, "No, Lord, I guess I ain't

Because those of us who carry guns

Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays

And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny

That wasn't mine to keep...

Though I worked alot of overtime

When the bills just got too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear,

And sometimes, God forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place

Amoung the people here,

They never wanted me around

Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,

It needn't be so grand,

I never expected or had too much

But if you don't I'll understand."

There was a silence all around the throne

Where saints had often trod

As the soldier waited quietly,

For the judgement of his God.

"Step forward now, you soldier,

You've borne your burdens well,

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,

You've done your time in Hell."

-author unknown

AJ visits

Kenah, Laryn and AJ came to visit with us today while Bob and Becca went car shopping. We've known Bob and Becca since we lived in Alaska. They were also in Hawaii part of the time we were there.

AJ was not thrilled at the opportunity to spend the afternoon with us.















I put in a Baby Einstein movie (much to Owen's delight). Again, AJ showed zero emotion.

The cats

The cats are sleeping.

Smart, comfortable cat.















Stupid broken neck cat.
obviously sleeping stupidness runs in our pet family

My finger

What the crap is wrong with my finger? I mean, I've worn my wedding rings for over 9 years now and I've never had any problem, but now all of a sudden my finger has a very uncomfortable red stripe going around the top half, which makes wearing my rings almost unbearable.

I do not shower, sleep, clean, or apply make-up with my rings on, so I don't see how anything could get under the band and become irritating. The mark is red and slightly puffy and it itches, but when I touch it it hurts like the dickens. I could probably find out what is causing this by looking at webmd.com, but that place only gives you enough information to totally freak you out so I try to avoid it. I'm also pretty sure it would clear up quicker if I would put some type of ointment on it, but it burns, so I'm avoiding that too.

Jump for joy

I mentioned ever so briefly in an earlier post about the new trampoline, but I never got around to putting the pictures on here, as I was too busy listening to certain people remind me that I once fell off of one and almost broke my neck. Taking that into consideration, we also got the net enclosure to keep kids from flying off in all directions. Also, I would like to mention that this trampoline is a LOT more structurally sound than the one I fell off of.

To test it out, Scott and I both jumped at the same time and threw ourselves at the net with reckless abandon to make sure that it would hold. Neither one of us broke through, so we figured it was tough enough to handle the kids. Right now all they mostly do is jump up and down in the middle.

Friday's Feast, 26 May 2006

Appetizer: How old were you when you got your first credit card?
20

Soup: When was the last time you felt out of place?
About a month ago we visited a church and it was really just a wierd experience. I felt very out of place. I didn't even feel like I was at church.

Salad: Did you have a curfew when you were a teenager? If so, what time did you have to be home?
In high school I didn't go out. I played all kinds of sports, and after practices I was too freakin tired to do anything. After high school, when I was in college full time AND working two full time jobs I didn't go out much either. But when I did I just called and let them know when to expect me...I was never out late.

Main Course: Name a person from history with whom you feel you have something in common.
Paul Revere. He made his famous ride on April 18th, and that's my birthday.

Dessert: When you read a newspaper, which section do you go for first?
I don't read the newspaper.

The Cookie Monster

Amber actually got this costume at a yard sale for FREE! The front is a compartment for Owen to put stuff in; in the picture he has his arms stuck down inside it. I guess he could trick-or-treat in it and not even need to carry a bag. He will also squat down so his legs are up inside it and it looks like he is just a cookie jar with a head. Hilarious!

Owen is in love with this costume and he wears it every day. So far we have managed not to have to take him out in public in it, but I'm sure that day is coming.

Speak!

(maybe this is part of the reason the dog is always confused)

Video try

Here is my first attempt to put a video on the blog:
When you first start the video, let it play for a couple of seconds and then hit pause. Watch the bar under the picture and it will continue to move across. When it gets to the end, hit play and the video should play without any interruption.

Britney Spears

Oh Britney, Britney, Britney....

I wish I could understand what you are thinking. I mean, you know the paparazzi are following you, taking pictures of your every move. Why in the world would you not take every precaution in the world to make sure you are not caught acting like a total dumbass?

#1 stupid move--you say you were trying to escape the paparazzi. First, you don't really look that anxious or upset in the picture. Second, your bodyguard is in the seat right next to you. If you had to make a quick getaway, why didn't you hand the baby to the person NOT OPERATING THE VEHICLE? He could have at least turned and fastened him in his seat in the backseat. This makes no sense, no matter what the excuse is.

#2 stupid move--actually, you were in the next room hanging out with your deadbeat husband when this one happened, which leads me to another question: Why is the nanny feeding him when you are doing nothing? Working, fine. Sick, fine. Taking a shower, fine. In the next room sitting on your butt, doing nothing, not fine.

#3 stupid move--Come on!! You kid's weight has nothing to do with his ability to hold up his head when he is asleep. You have him in a carseat in a straight up and down position. A baby his age needs a little bit of a reclining position to help him rest his head if he falls asleep. Even my two year old needs that! This seems like a no brainer...hmmm, everytime he falls asleep in the car his head falls over...it seems like he needs a seat that leans back a little bit or something. Guess what-they actually make those!! Yay!! You can get a reclining one just like I have here. It works wonderfully and it's not even that expensive...oh wait, you're a millionaire, so obviously it's not the price that's the problem...

#4 stupid move--I watched this video several times trying to find some way not to blame it directly on you. Maybe I could blame it on the fact that you are pregnant, but you're not so huge that it would affect your equilibrium. Maybe someone bumped into you, but no, that didn't happen either. Then I saw these pictures, and I decided I could blame it on the fact that you have on clunky shoes and pants that are about 6 inches too long. Or maybe we could blame it on the drink you are carrying in your other hand, the one you try really hard not to drop or spill.

I know it could get much worse, like you could actually drop him, or have a wreck and injure him because he is not properly buckled in, but I hope for his sake before something like that happens you manage to miraculously get your act together. Honestly, a long time ago some one should have slapped your mother for letting you act like this.

I wonder if you understand that no amount of money in the world will stop the Department of Children and Family Services from taking that baby.

Preschool graduation

Today Haley had preschool graduation. I was not aware that there was a ceremony for this, but obviously I was the only one, as none of the other parents were the least bit surprised when this was announced...or maybe they just hid it well. There were parents everywhere, taking picture after picture and tearing up. I have to admit I was tearing up as well, because as I was sitting there I realized that next year Haley will go to school ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I realized that the girls would both be gone. And it was at that moment that I was overcome with such happiness and peace that I wanted to just cry.

Then I remembered about Owen. Me and Owen. Together. Alone. ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. And I started to tear up for an altogether different reason.

A conversation from this morning

"Haley! Today is your last day of preschool!!"

"Yeah."

"You get to go up in front of everyone and get a certificate!"

"Yeah."

"Aren't you excited? What's the matter? Are you sad or nervous?"

"Um, kind of. But I'm just going to stand up there and pretend everyone else is just wearing their bras and panties."

*sniff* could I possibly get any prouder?

Friday's Feast, 19 May 2006

Appetizer: What is the last thing you had to have repaired?
The disposal...and it didn't get repaired, it got rigged. FYI-the gear/needle thingy in the car still needs to be fixed.

Soup: If someone gave you $2,000 with the stipulation that you had to spend half of it on yourself and give the rest to charity, where would you spend the $1,000 and which charity would receive your remaining $1,000?
I would use the first $1000 to pay off my newest purchase.
I would give the remaining money to the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

Salad: What is one of your favorite songs from the 1980s?
There are just too many. I live for the times I get to drive Scott's truck and rock out to XM radio, channel 8. There is no way I could choose one song. Maybe something from Prince...

Main Course: You enter a pet store. Which section do you go to first?
The puppy section. But I would never buy a puppy from a pet store. I would buy from someone in the paper or from the pound.

Dessert: On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how athletic are you?
I was briefly a cheerleader in high school, then I played softball, basketball and ran track. That was in 1992. Back in the 20th century. However I did play some basketball Thursday and turns out she's still got it! I think my athletic ability is probably a high eight, but if you're asking how athletic I am on a daily basis then it's probably about a 3.

The Gazillion Bubble Machine

Wednesday while Haley was at school Owen and I went grocery shopping at hell-on-earth. I had to get some more shampoo, and to get to the hair product row we had to walk past the bubble blowing row. Owen loves bubbles and frankly I am tired of blowing them with the little wand thingy, so we got him a toy-The Gazillion Bubble Machine. Let me start by saying this is one of the best toys we own. Let me add that gazillion is an understatement. I am amazed at the amount of bubbles this thing puts out. I mean, a gazillion is a lot, but I'm pretty sure we passed that in the first ten minutes. If you don't have one of these little gems and you have small children, you definitely need to get one.
*not intended for use around cats as they get really agitated by the falling bubbles...dogs are fine

Lookin' Good

Owen proves that he is, in fact, a product of his environment.
He is also apparently not afraid of the term "metrosexual"

Ashlyn's field trip

Today I chaperoned Ashlyn's field trip to Mr. Gatti's. This was really just a ruse to get me into the game room so I could waste money on the stupid Gold Coast game, where you drop the token and try to knock off the other tokens and earn tickets, which I am addicted to. While they were there, the class made pizzas. It was supposed to be fun and also educational, but the only thing I saw that the kids might have learned about was how to follow a recipe. I'm not completely sure, but I don't think being able to follow a recipe is a mandatory requirement for passing the 1st grade, but again I'm not really that familiar with the Texas school system. They did briefly touch on fractions, and by "briefly" I mean they spent about as much time on them as I spent entertaining the thought of having another child.

It turned out to be a fun trip for the kids, and I was able to sink 50 tokens into that one stupid game and get 267 tickets-SCORE!

Mrs. Owens is Ashlyn's teacher. LOVE HER! She helped the kids make the pizzas. There was only one incident with a child eating the sausage out of the bowl, only one pizza got sneezed on, and the fire alarm was only set off one time, but of course that was just an accident and the fire department did not show up, they only called.

A new level

Today the cats reached a monumental level of gayness with their new collars. We've had these collars since we got them, but they have just now gotten big enough to wear them. So Tigger, who is a male, is now sporting a green leopard print collar with a bell, and Frosty, who is also a male, is rocking a bright purple collar with a bell. And in case you're wondering, the answer is yes, Haley picked them out.

With the new collars and bells on, the cats walk around hanging their heads, looking for something high to jump off of, cursing the fact that they are cats and therefore would probably land on their feet anyway. They also now jingle everywhere they go, so I am also walking around looking for something high to jump off of.

Further evidence our dog is stupid

This morning, we found Max asleep on the couch like this. It's basically the reverse of this...and makes about the same sense.