I've known Gabe since kindergarten. He's a nice person. He's married to one of my good friends. But I have many issues and one of them is my feet and it can be traced back to a moment in time long ago, a moment that involved Gabe.
We were in kindergarten. I distinctly remember that Luanne and Chris were there also. We were all in a line and we had our shoes off; I guess we were doing some kind of kindergarten project involving our feet. Anyway, Gabe was standing beside me and he looked at my feet and told me very loudly that my big toes were fat and ugly. And that was it. The end of life as I knew it. Here I was, 5 years old, and a boy told me my big toes were fat and ugly. I have been scarred ever since.
I didn't wear flip-flops until my honeymoon. I wear socks all the time, unless I am in the shower. I sleep in socks. And everyone wants to know why. Well, this is why. Because Gabe Hall told me I have fat, ugly big toes. It gets worse...
I dream about Gabe about twice a month, sometimes more. I have dreamed about him my entire life. In the dream we are always doing something illegal, most of the time we are robbing a bank or a gas station. (yes, I know I'm crazy) In the dream we are being chased by the police and Gabe is yelling at me to run faster. Then he sees that I have flip-flops on and he shouts at me even more that I should never have worn flip-flops when we were robbing somebody. Then he stops running and yells at me "How could you wear flip-flops in the first place, even on a normal day, when your big toes are so FAT AND UGLY?!"
For as long as I can remember I have been critical of feet, probably because of my own feet's shortcomings. I can close my eyes and see Gabe right now, wrinkling his nose and pointing at my toes in kindergarten. So that's it, the whole sordid story. That's why I hate feet, hate looking at feet, hate feet touching me. It's all because of Gabe Hall.
When Jenny and I got a pedicure (which I do in effort to make my feet look as presentable as they can possibly be, what with my toes being so horrible and all) I told Jenny the story and she said "You have great toes!" I thought she was lying just to make me feel better but then she said "AND you can pull off a belt really well too!"
?
Uh, thanks Jenny.
So here is a picture of my toes. Please, if you must judge, don't leave it in a comment...I don't think I could handle any more dreams of people yelling at me.
3 comments:
damn! those are some gnarly ass toes you gots goin' on there, G! haha! i kid you. i think you have nice feet. but i know what you mean, i hate my feet too. my pinkie toe is so weird and freakish looking.
hilarious story about Gabe Hall. but don't worry about him, girl. Karma can be quite a bee-otch. :)
Your toes are fine. They are not fat nor are they ugly. What they are is freakishly long. But, you have freakishly long legs so it works. The toe nail color could use a change. I, as your best friend, can tell you this. That color was meant for Haley not for you. It's too pale. And is it glittery too? You're what, 33 now? Sleep tight...happy dreams!!
girl...you crack me up. believe me, he's made fun of my feet before too! My toes are more like fingers, except for the pinky toe...it's a midget. There's a picture of them on my MySpace...check it out and you won't feel so bad :o) As for the bad dreams, if he wasn't griping about your feet and shoes...he'd just be complaining about something else.
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