I can't believe I'm saying this

I have a 2004 Ford Expedition.  See, I had a Suburban when we lived in Hawaii, and it was huge so we traded it for a Rodeo, which turned out to be a bad decision because the week after we traded it I found out I was pregnant with Owen.  But then the Rodeo turned out to be a lemon, so we took it back and got an Explorer.  It was one of those Explorers with the third row seat in it and we thought it would work, but those cars have no room behind the third seat.  Not even enough room for a stroller.  Maybe a pair of shoes, but not much else.  So in order to fit groceries in the car you had to put the third seat down, which meant all three kids had to sit in the middle row of seats.  Annnddd, turns out when you have three kids under the age of 5 you need three carseats and (QUIT LAUGHING OR I'LL KNOCK YOUR HEAD OFF-YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) three carseats will not fit across the middle seat of a Ford Explorer.  

This was around the same time Scott deployed to Afghanistan, so I did what probably a good 80% of army wives do when their husbands deploy and leave them with all sorts of special powers of attorney.  I went out and bought a new, bigger, fancier car and put it all in my husband's name.  That's the story of how I ended up with the Expedition.  

Scott has a Dodge Ram truck.  Yeah, this is a good story too.  See, when he got back from Afghanistan we had the Expedition and we moved to Arizona.  Our friends Brandon and April (I'd link to their blog but they are super special people with a password protected blog and I'm not allowed to give out the password willy-nilly) lived across the street and Scott rode with Brandon the entire time they were in school there.  Right before we moved to Texas we decided to buy Scott a car so we bought a used Nissan Xterra.  Well, that car turned out to be a lemon.  If you maybe are starting to see a pattern here I will go ahead and agree that we have kind of bad luck when it comes to cars.  I don't even think we made one payment on that car before we took it back.  We ended up getting a Toyota Tacoma truck, one with a backseat so all three kids fit.  Oh yeah, and then I got pregnant again-but don't blame me, it's what I do best!  

Somewhere along the way I decided that if there was going to be a vehicle sitting in the driveway that we were paying for it should probably be a vehicle that our entire family could all sit in at one time.  And that's how we ended up with the Dodge Ram.  

All this leads me to my point, which is:  For the next year there will be a vehicle sitting in my driveway that I am paying for that nobody is going to be driving (my Expedition is paid off).  Which leads me to this conclusion:  I really don't need that truck.  So my thought is to trade both my car and Scott's truck in for one vehicle.  There are a lot of other factors that are going into this but they are secret and we are not going to talk about them right now, especially in the comment section, EVERYBODY GOT THAT?  Anyway, my thinking was to go out and get a new Expedition, because I love my car so much it hurts to think of parting with it, and the only thing that made it bearable was the thought that I could get another one just like it, only a newer and shinier one that smelled like a new car instead of french fries and sour milk.  

Now God help me, and I can't believe I'm even contemplating this, I can't believe I've even allowed Scott to bring this up and actually argue the pros and cons with me, but I've agreed to go test drive some (GULP!) minivans.  Oh, the humanity!!  Anyway, let me say that if I'm going to be tooling around in a minivan it's gonna be the sweetest damn minivan you've ever laid eyes on.  I guess there's something to be said for having a magic button that you press and a door slides open by itself and kids just hop in and then the door slides shut and you get in and drive off.  Also, who wouldn't like some hidden storage bin in the floor that you can just lift open and rake all your crap into?  And three different climate zones?  REALLY?  Did you know you can have three different types of weather happening in the same car all at the same time?  Oh, and you can even get a minivan nowadays with a kitchen table in it.  What the hell?

You know, it's not working.  I was beginning to cross the line and then my mother said "So both my kids are going to drive minivans?"  How can I let my mother down again, especially after the whole birthday present fiasco?   And to make matters worse I talked about it in front of the kids and they actually want a minivan.  They think it would be so cool.  What is wrong with them?  I have spent a lot of time and effort trying to raise cool kids.  In an Expedition.  With leather and a DVD player in the ceiling and XM Radio and a cool Army sticker on the back window.  And I buy those kids all kinds of stuff and they are turning on me.  I can't put stickers on a minivan!  Cripes!  The only thing worse than a minivan is a minivan with stickers, especially the stickers of the stick people and the animals that represent each member of your family.  Man, I hate those.  Oh please no jokes about how all the members of my family wouldn't fit on the window of just one minivan because there are just so many of us BECAUSE I KNOW.

I've been fighting my destiny for a while now.  Let's all vote.  New Expedition or minivan?           

A present for Nana

Friday was my mother's birthday.  It is extremely hard to buy presents for my parents because there is literally nothing out there to buy.  If they decide they want something they simply go out and get it, which leaves nothing for us.  So you end up buying them crap, and they don't like it, but they pretend like they do, and then they talk about you to your siblings.  

This year Jenny (Brian's wife) asked me what I was getting her and I said I didn't know and she said she had a brilliant idea.  An idea so bright and wonderful it shined like the light of the sun.  So of course I said I don't know how much it costs and I don't care how much it costs, I'll go in for half.  Her idea was for us to get all the grandkids together and take some pictures and frame them for Nana.  And I totally agreed, because there is no better gift in the world than a picture of your grandkids, the little slobby people that you allow to trash your house while at the same time you have chairs in your house that I, a completely responsible adult, am not allowed to sit on...ever, no matter what.  I have a pretty nice camera, so I agreed to take the picture if Jenny could supply a white sheet for a backdrop.  See, a while back Becca decided she wanted to be a photographer and she took some pictures of Skylar and I half-ass watched so now I think I am Glamour Shots or something.  

And you know what?  We got to Jenny's house and Skylar refused to be in the picture.  So Scott had a little pow-wow with her butt and she started crying.  Then Owen refused to stand still.  Then Haley got bored and quit smiling.  Then Mary Kate couldn't produce a smile at all.  Then Claire, sweet baby Claire-Bear, who is perhaps the most well-behaved baby I've ever seen in my life, had some kind of breakdown.  So Jenny got out a bag of jelly beans and so all the pictures were of kids holding their hands out.  And bless Ashlyn's heart, she was trying so hard to hold them all together but it just wasn't working.  

I took 96 pictures.  I am not even lying about that.  Know how many good ones we got?  Four.  No shit.  Four freaking pictures.  And I'm counting this one.       

Nice to meet you

"What did you do today while I was at the dentist?"

"I took the kids to Lowe's."

"Really?  How'd that go?"

"I can't believe the number of smart-ass comments people make when you go someplace with four kids."

"WELCOME TO MY LIFE."

Bad hair runs in the family

Since moving to Georgia and introducing Skylar to a little thing called humidity, the hair situation has just become unmanageable.  

I put her hair in a ponytail (kindof) before we went over to Kroger to buy up all the $1 boxes of frozen waffles they were advertising and that lasted to the end of the driveway.  In this picture it looks like there's no hair on the side of her head but don't worry, there's hair there, it's just all still pushed back impersonating a ponytail.  I have to admit the one cool thing about her hair is if you take the bow out it still stays in position.     

Front shot of the hair.  There is quite a bit of new hair coming in and that should really help thicken it up, which will be good because once it gets a little heavier it might be able to tolerate some type of hair product.  I'm in the process of working on some stuff while we wait on the new hair though, and it involves wooden dowels and the stove and some grosgrain ribbon.  Jenny, I'm about to impress the hell out of you, so get ready.   

All dressed up

I think she can definitely pull off the red color, but I'm having trouble understanding why she chose something with straps, as she has no shoulders to speak of. 

Tattooed beauty

I have been talking about getting a tattoo for a while now, and we all know that I am all talk and no show, so Skylar got one instead.  

I put a fake one on the top of my foot and on the inside of my wrist so I could decide which I liked better, and the one on my wrist nobody ever saw because my watch covered it.  No one (I mean either of my parents) has commented on the one on my foot yet, and this could be a good thing, because I could just put fake ones on it for a while and then get a real one and no one would know the difference.  This could also just mean that they are simply holding their tongue because they are hoping the medication kicks in again before I make it down to the tattoo parlor on Broad Street.  Either way, this decision is becoming almost as hard as naming that damn dog, who, turns out, refuses to pee outside of the house when it's raining.        

Tagged yet again

Tagged
I was tagged by Amy to do another one of these stupid questionnaire thingys. I meant to do it the other day and then I totally forgot about it over the weekend. So better late than never I guess.

1) LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER? Chicken Little. This was roughly three years ago, and we were living in Arizona. (April and Brandon, you remember this?!) I really can't seem to get across to people just how much I dislike going to the movie theater.

2) WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I'm not reading any books right now. Ask me again in August.

3) FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Scrabble

4) FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Real Simple. I've got about 6 of them piled up in the armoire. It's what I'll be reading in August.

5) FAVORITE SMELLS? Skylar's hair after it gets washed. It smells like lavender. I also like the smell of cookouts, but only if it's a charcoal grill, and freshly cut grass.

6) FAVORITE SOUNDS? The crickets at night. I'd forgotten about crickets. They don't have them in Texas.

7) WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Well, I'm really afraid that something will happen to me during the day when it's just me and Skylar and the others are at school and she'll just be confused and upset that I won't get up or move.

8)WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN U WAKE UP? I wonder how much longer it will be before the kids all get up.

9) FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? Krystal

10) FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Oh HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

11) FINISH THIS STATEMENT—"IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'd be able to keep Scott from going away.

12) DO YOU DRIVE FAST? yeah, sometimes

13) DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? no

14) STORMS–COOL OR SCARY? Cool until you add in tornadoes

15) WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? Chrysler Laser

16) FAVORITE DRINK? Dr. Pepper

17) FINISH THIS STATEMENT-IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD sew

18) DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI? yes

19) IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY OTHER COLOUR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE? I wouldn't dye all my hair

20) NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
Rome, GA (1974-1997)
Cleveland, TN (1997-1998)
San Angelo, TX (Apr 1998-Aug 1998)
Fairbanks, AK (Sept 1998-Jul 2001)
Rome, GA (Jul 2001-Dec 2001)
Sierra Vista, AZ (Dec 2001-Jun 2002)
Honolulu, HI (Jun 2002-Mar 2004)
Rome, GA (Mar 2004-Jun 2005)
Sierra Vista, AZ (Jun 2005-Nov 2005)
San Angelo, TX (Nov 2005-Jun 2008)
Rome, GA (June 2008-Present)

21) FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? UFC

22) ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? She has nice boobs. Aw, I don't know. I'm not in the mood to get all sentimental right now!

23) WHATS UNDER YOUR BED? a rubbermaid box full of past tax returns and all our birth certificates. Also tons of pictures in shoeboxes.

24) WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN? yes

25) MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL? Night owl. I am in no way a morning person.

26) OVER EASY OR SUNNY SIDE UP? over medium

27) FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX? bed

28) What happened to #28?

29) FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? strawberry

30) OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE TAGGED, WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? I don't know...Jin is pretty good at doing them. Amber would probably rather die first...


Okay, so I tag Amber, Jin, Jenny, Becky, Robin, Katie, Lucinda and Midge

In other news

Scott grew facial hair!

Update on No-Name

We decided to call the dog Genie, mainly because I got tired of (a)rattling off names only to be shot down and (b)saying "No, you may not call the dog Nugget." Genie had been the last name we had all kind of liked, and it seemed cute, so it was done.

Then we spent Friday and Saturday down in Cave Spring at my uncle's pool on a two-day bender with roughly 400 other people. Genie was a huge hit and for two straight days she was held and petted and loved on and spoiled rotten. Naturally people were asking her name and we would say Genie and the response would be "Oh, like I Dream of Jeannie or Genie in a Bottle?" Honestly that never came to my mind when we named her and I had no idea that question would come up repeatedly (like 10 times an hour for two days).  After hearing Haley explaining to some stranger that it was "Genie after Gene Simmons because they both have long tongues and my mama likes that." I realized we were going to have to come up with something else. Oh, and also that we needed to have a talk with Haley about a little thing called "context" which I don't think she's grasped yet.

Today Scott mentioned that he didn't like the name Genie, that it didn't seem to fit the dog at all, and we needed to name her something different. I ageed with all this, Genie didn't really work, but I couldn't remember any of the other names that I liked last week so now the dog's name is Heidi. Or, if you are Skylar, it's Hi-Bee. Either way it seems to work better than Genie did, but I can't promise I won't change it again.  

My little Puddin'     

Cave Spring Fireworks

Thursday night we took the kids down to Cave Spring to see their firework show. I can't lie, the main reason we went was because I heard there would be lots of fat girls in bikinis and really, who wants to miss out on something like that? We got down there kind of early so we went to Sabrina and Dan's house (Sabrina is my tattooed friend from high school) to pre-game. So we ended up getting to the fireworks later than we planned and didn't get to walk over to the pool and check out all the babes.

Joel and Lucinda (more of our friends) were already set up right along the road so we joined them. Right across the street was the fire hall and there were rows of cars where everyone had parked. And I'm not even kidding, the people in charge had roped off like one row and said "Nobody park here" and that's where they shot them from. Just off the ground right next to all the parked cars, about 20 yards or so from were we were sitting. I'm sure they were taking the necessary precautions and all, but I swear it seemed totally unsafe. I'm happy to report nothing bad happened, although we did see one woman get wheeled across the street on a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance but that was way before the fireworks actually started so I'm guessing it was unrelated. All the kids took great notice of the lady on the stretcher, and you could see their little minds working, and we all decided that on the way home when all they wanted to talk about was the lady being put in the ambulance and what in the world happened to her we would say she didn't drink enough water and eat enough vegetables at dinner and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. SHE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SEE THE FIREWORKS SHE WAS SO UNHEALTHY.

Sitting so close to where they were shooting off the fireworks was great because we had a really good view of them, but unfortunately they were also extremely loud and Skylar screamed NO! NO! NO! throughout the entire show. It seems Skylar doesn't care for fireworks. Gee, something Skylar doesn't like...WHO KNEW.

I had taken some pictures before the show of the kids playing. Will and Ava belong to Joel and Lucinda. Caden belongs to Dan and Finn belongs to Sabrina. The other 47 kids are mine.

4th of July 2008

Happy 4th of July!

I have lots and lots of pictures to post of our busy week but right now I'm so tired I can't even muster up the energy to plug the camera into the computer and transfer all of them. We went to three different firework shows, and Skylar only screamed like a banshee through two of them, though the second one made me a little nervous too, as we were only sitting about 20 yards from where they were shooting them off. We also let our kids participate in what could be the most redneck 4th of July parade that ever happened. Well, really it was only three of them because at the last minute Skylar refused to get on the float so she ended up sitting with us. The float the kids rode on was my uncle Tom's, and it was decorated beautifully (think of what it would look like if a flag exploded all over a trailer), and across the back were fold-out chairs that said Budweiser all over them, which is where my Grandma sat. I am not even kidding. It was fabulous. My only regret was that I only took pictures, because video would have been AWESOME.

I'll post some pictures this weekend!