I really should know better

Friday both Frosty and Dixie had appointments at the vet. Frosty needed his yearly shots and Dixie needed her first set of shots plus I wanted to get her checked for feline leukemia just to be on the safe side since we found her in a germ hole. When Scott called to tell me that he couldn't come home to watch Owen and Skylar I should have rescheduled the appointment. I should have known that if I was taking Owen, Skylar, and the two cats someplace in the car by myself I might as well invite Trouble to ride along in the front seat with me. But I am strong. I live far away from family. I have no one to watch my kids for me while I do mundane everyday tasks like take animals to get shots so I take them with me. Actually, it doesn't really occur to me that there should be someone to watch my kids while I do things. They are just always with me. Plain and simple.

So it took three tries to get Frosty and Dixie into the kennel, as we currently only have one and they were having to share against their will. Then, after I finally managed to get the door shut there was a massive cat fight in there. I guess nobody won because after it was over they were both plastered up against opposite ends of the kennel and neither of them looked like they were bragging so I put the kennel in the backseat beside Skylar.

And oh my gosh does Frosty hate the car. I knew he hated the car, but it's been a year since he'd been in the car and I had kind of hoped he would get better about it but no such luck. As soon as we started backing up he started screeching. Just over and over and over screeching like I was killing him and it totally freaked Skylar out, so I'm trying to drive the car really fast (but safely) to the vet and Owen's asking nonstop questions about why is Frosty making all that noise and how is Frosty making all that noise and what in the world is wrong with Frosty and on and on and somehow I managed not to drive the car off a cliff to avoid being overcome by all the screeching and all the questions. Probably what saved us is there are no cliffs between our house and the vet.

We got to the vet and first I put Skylar in the stroller. Then I got Owen out of the car. Then I got the kennel out. Has anybody seen the movie Christmas Vacation? Where the grandma shows up at the house with a present and it turns out she wrapped up her cat in the box? And Chevy Chase is holding the present by the bow and it's just shaking all over the place all wildly? Anybody? Because THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS when you put Frosty and Dixie in the same kennel and then attempt to carry the kennel into the vet. It's bad enough that they are in there together, but then they look through the breathing holes in the sides of the kennel and they see the vet and they LOSE THEIR MINDS. And the vet? Does it have a ramp? Is it handicap/wheelchair/stroller accessible? Apparently not. Because there was no ramp. My stroller doesn't have a bar, it has two handles. So I had to put down the kennel to get Skylar and the stroller up to the door. And the stupid kennel is scooting across the ground away from the vet with the cats' efforts to get as far away as possible. Frosty is all "Oh my God we're at the vet! She's brought us to the vet! This is bad, Dixie, bad. Do what I do!" And there they are inside it, throwing their bodies up against the side, trying to move it back to the car. One, two, GO! One, two, GO!

We made it inside and into an exam room. The lady opened the door on the kennel and cats shot everywhere, let me tell you. Frosty got his shots first and was immediately put back inside. Dixie got her tests done (all were negative) and got her shots and was shoved back inside. Then we went to pay and I was thinking it didn't go as badly as I thought it would go and right then Frosty threw up inside the kennel all over Dixie. And Dixie jumped on Frosty and there was another huge cat fight in the kennel in the throw-up. So the good people that work there took both cats and washed them off while I paid and did everything in my power to keep a huge dog from eating Skylar. Then Scott calls me on my cell phone, and asks if I'm done yet, and I'm trying to explain what's happened, trying to get it across to him that my days are filled with things other than good times playing video games and it's so hard to be me and I'm doing the best I can do and the stupid cat threw up all over the other cat and all over the inside of the kennel and Owen is begging me to let him pet the doggie and the lady comes out with my kennel with Frosty and 3 pounds of newspaper shoved inside it and a cardboard kennel with Dixie so we're going to try to get everybody to the car and Scott's all "What do you want for lunch? What do you feel like? Do you want a sandwich, or something else? What do you want me to get you for lunch?" and finally I'm all "I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK" and then, then I drop my cell phone.

So now my cell phone won't charge on demand, you have to plug it in and wiggle the plug for, oh, like half an hour and maybe, maybe it will begin to charge, and when you unplug the cord it still says it's charging, which I know is impossible of course, so you have to plug it in again and then unplug it right away so the battery meter quits blinking. Then it shows a full battery, which also must be an evil lie, because if you try to make a call on it the battery immediately drops to empty and the phone begins beeping every few seconds so you're sure to notice that it needs to be plugged in again. And it is PHYSICALLY HURTING ME that my phone is messed up, and what in the world am I going to do if I lose my ability to text message, because text messaging is what makes me whole, and if I don't have your cell phone number you should be glad, because if I had it I'd text you EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE. I think I'm going to have to replace my cell phone, and I'm not really happy about it, and all of this could have been avoided if I'd just stayed home. But now really, where's the fun in that?

Cat sighting

After about 4 days under my bed, Jet has decided to join us. Monday he made his first daytime appearance, and every day since he's spent more and more time around us all, except for Scott, who he continues to avoid like the plague. But I can't say I blame him, as Scott does not care for cats in the least, cannot even pretend to like cats for my benefit, cannot even try to pretend. In this picture you can kind of see where Jet was shaved from about mid-back down. Though it is growing back in quite nicely, it sort of resembles a reverse mullet.












Here's where the story gets a little complicated. I didn't think Jet was going to make it. I was seriously afraid he was going to starve himself to death in protest of living with us and I was planning on taking him back. So last Sunday the girls and I went to an animal rescue place in Vancourt, Texas. I can't even begin to explain the circumstances the animals were living in at her house, but simply put there were 31 cats and 57 dogs-I am NOT EVEN LYING-living in this tiny filthy house with this filthy lady. It's kind of a situation where I feel like if someone called animal services this place would be shut down due to cruelty to animals. The house was beyond horrid, with crushed litter, animal poop, food, and pee-covered newspapers all over the floors. There were pens made of chicken wire in the living room filled with dogs covered in dirt and poop. Bags of cat food were spread out on the floor and the cats had chewed holes in the bags and were eating out of them. Water bowls looked like they hadn't been changed in months. Bags of litter were stacked in random places and those had been clawed through also and cats had just pooped on what had leaked out of the holes. There was cat throw-up and poop on the counters in the kitchen. If I had not saved at least one animal from that house I think God would have struck me down as I drove away. And if it sounds bad to you, believe me, it was SO MUCH WORSE.

So anyway, much to Scott's dismay, we now also have a kitten named Dixie.

Skylar turns 1

Today Skylar is 1 year old. And what a year it's been! I have to admit I had my doubts early on as to whether or not we were going to keep her, what with all the screaming, and then there was the screaming, followed by more screaming, but we all hung in there and she made it.

She's not walking yet, but she will take 2 steps on her own and up to 4 if you really turn on the coaxing. She has given up the bottle completely, as bottles are for babies, and she is a big girl! So big, in fact, that she is too good to eat baby food, even the toddler ravioli that I've tried to pass off as big girl food. For breakfast she east two, count 'em TWO, packets of maple and brown sugar oatmeal. For lunch she usually has some chicken and corn and peas or small carrots, and one time, though I'm sooo sorry to admit this, she even had a hot dog. For dinner she eats whatever we are eating. She only has 8 teeth, so we cut it really small and she crams it all in her mouth and we call it good. Skylar loves "cookies" which are really ritz wheat crackers, and she can eat 11, yes 11, mini strawberry pancakes at one sitting. All she drinks is whole milk with a little bit of ovaltine or ice water, which is her favorite. But I think she just likes the sound the ice makes beating against the inside of the sippy cups when she shakes it.

Skylar is quite the talker, which is good because I know exactly what I need is another kid running their mouth around here, and she jabbers constantly. She's also extremely nosy, and right now she's trying her hardest to open a box that the UPS man left here even though it goes to our neighbors' house. She also spends a lot of time trying to make long distance phone calls.

All in all, she's really wonderful, especially if you don't count the moments when you say "No!" and she throws herself face down on the floor and pitches a fit for the ages. I guess sometimes some of the best things in life really are the things you don't plan.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKYLAR!!!

I truly think we are getting better at this. We have the hot chicks on guitar, the surly guy, and the baby-licious backup dancer.

Tagged

I have been tagged by Amy to answer these questions. And yes, I think doing these things is a little stupid, but I do them. Why? FOR MY FRIENDS. I'm not going to be the griper who spoils the party. And also because you will all lead a better life just knowing these extra tidbits about me.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. I sold cell phones
2. I pretty much ran a dry cleaners
3. I was a Branch Office Administrator at Edward Jones
4. I worked at a bank as a teller and also balanced the ATM machines

Movies I have watched more than once
1. Sense and Sensibility
2. Practical Magic
3. Road Trip
4. Cars

Four Places I have lived
1. Rome, Georgia
2. Cleveland, Tennessee
3. Fairbanks, Alaska
4. Honolulu, Hawaii

Four T.V. Shows that I watch
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Biggest Loser
3. Project Runway
4. Brothers and Sisters

Four places I have been
1. Jamaica
2. Bahamas
3. Disneyworld
4. Disneyland

Four People who e-mail me (regularly)
1. Scott
2. Tina Chester (the Colonel's wife)
3. The people at Overstock.com send roughly 3 a day
4. Amber

Four favorite foods
1. Peach Cobbler
2. Kung Pao Chicken
3. anything from Quiznos
4. spaghetti

Four Favorite Beverages
1. water
2. sweet tea
3. dr. pepper
4. tequila (just thought I'd throw that in there)

Four Places I would like to visit
1. Tampa (I would like to visit for 2 years)
2. Seattle
3. Mexico
4. Europe

Four friends I am tagging to do this
1. Katie M
2. Lucinda H
3. Amy P
4. Jin P

Things you may not know about me
1. I tend to be OC
2. I thread needles and sew with my left hand
3. I'm probably the best multi-tasker you'll ever meet
4. I'm pregnant (oh ha ha ha, just seeing if you're paying attention)

Things I am looking forward to in the coming month & Year
1. moving in June
2. Scott's command being over and done with
3. Owen going to school every day
4. Brian and Jenny's baby coming

It's gonna be a very merry birthday

Tomorrow is Skylar's 1st birthday.  Today we found out Skylar has the flu.  Which is great news, considering the fact that at first they were positive she had RSV.  Of course today was a holiday for the clinic on post, so I had to take her to the walk-in medi-center across from the WalMart, and sit in a room with the sickest people on the face of the earth, people who were coughing up lungs and God knows what else all around us, and had the nerve to give me funny looks as I sat there with Skylar's blanket covering her whole head, a la Blanket Jackson  (only there were no balconies involved).  And she's so sick, and it's terrible, and she can barely hold her head up, and some stupid, stupid woman sitting a few seats down says "Oh, the poor thing.  Have you tried tylenol?"  Um, have you tried to be a dumbass or is it just happening? 

We waited for an hour and then I was given a bunch of papers to fill out.  I did the best I could while holding a screaming baby and shortly after that they called us to do the screening part where they ask why you are there.  I explained about the runny nose, and the coughing, and the crying, and the more crying, and the fever, so they checked her fever via armpit and it was 102.8.  This allowed us to jump to the very front of the line of almost dead people in the waiting room.  We got a room and from there it went downhill quickly.  

Her heart rate was 200 bpm, which is waaaay too high.  Her respirations were 42 per minute, which is waaaay too many.  And her oxygen levels were 94, which is a little too low.  Both her ears were red--double ear infection.  They wanted to do a breathing treatment.  They wanted to check her for RSV.  Skylar didn't like the bandaid on her toe counting the oxygen, Skylar didn't like the cotton swab they stuck up her nose to check for RSV.  And then they poured tylenol down her throat, waited 20 minutes and then stuck a thermometer up her booty--103.7.  Well, that really got them moving.  The RSV was negative.  Another swab up the nose for the flu test.  Which was positive.  And the fast heart rate, high respirations, etc?  Those were signs she was dehydrated.  So she needed to be admitted into the hospital.  

Problem?  Of course!  The people at the medi-center can't admit to the hospital.  Dr. Nance, the pediatrician on post won't admit to the hospital without seeing the kid first, and she was off today.  So they sent me to Dr. Acton, a pediatrician through the hospital.  They called him and told them I was coming.  I was to go straight there.  He would treat her for the ear infection and get her into the hospital.  Only when I got there I was told they no longer accept my insurance and wouldn't see me.  They sent me to the ER.

I got to the ER and waited for over an hour, all the time thinking the longer we sit and wait the more dehydrated she'll get and then her kidney's will start failing.  (Because that's what I do.  I prepare myself for the absolute worst, so I'm usually pleasantly surprised.  I have lots of gray hair, but I'm surprised and happy.)  When they finally screened us I gave them the paper from the medi-center and boy did those people start moving.  We were given a room right away and the doctor came right in.  He checked Skylar out and said she did not need to be admitted, as she was producing massive quantities of tears at the time which lead him to believe she was not dehydrated.  But she needed medicine for her ears, so she got a shot in her leg.  Bless her heart, her fever was finally starting to break and she was feeling a little better and a nurse comes in with Dora on her scrubs and Skylar immediately recognized Dora and pointed, smiled and said "Oooooh!"  And then the mean lady poked a needle in her leg, which has no doubt cemented pure hate in Skylar's heart towards Dora the Explorer.  

So let me tell you, as if all this wasn't bad enough, I get home and find Scott doing the laundry.  By himself.  Which means that he decided on all the color breakdowns on his own as well as the water temperatures.  Which shoots my nerves all the way to hell again.  And I knows it's bad when he empties the dryer and uses his body to physically shield the bushel from me so I can't see exactly what is in it.  

If Skylar's fever spikes again before Wednesday I'm to bring her back to the ER immediately.  She also has to see the doctor next week for a follow-up on her ears.  What a way to turn 1!.  I guess we won't celebrate her birthday tomorrow night unless she feels better, but I don't think she'll get past all this quite that quickly.  So we'll have to wait until the weekend, and hopefully she'll be better then. 

Oh, if you want to do something special for Skylar because it's her special day and she feels like crap, send her a balloon.  Skylar loves balloons.  She grabs the strings and yanks them around for hours.  Or you could send her Guitar Hero II with the guitar for the playstation.  She mentioned a while back that she's really wanting one of those.  Apparently she was talking with Sgt. Hines and he was telling her how great and grand it was and now she just won't shut up talking about it.  So...yeah...a balloon or Guitar Hero II...your call. 

Rescue Cat

Today after I picked up the girls from school we rescued a cat from an animal clinic. The cat was found in a parking lot, lying in the sun, trying desperately to pull itself into the shade using only his front two paws. The vet clinic nursed it back to health and over time he regained full use of his back legs. They told me that the first bowel movement he had after coming to the clinic was nothing but bug carcases, which just broke my heart. Since then he has been living at the clinic and no one has adopted it because he was over a year old and most people want kittens. Now he is somewhere around 18 months. But he has the sweetest disposition, they told me, and he loves to sit in your lap and be petted, and he loves all the kids that bring in their animals for check-ups and shots.

We already have a cat, Frosty, and he is the snobbiest cat on the face of the planet. As long as I give him a can of cat food every morning at 7:10am he doesn't give a rip whether I live or die. He won't sit with you, won't let you pet him, nothing. Very unpersonable. All Frosty will do is be a pain in your ass (and my mother swears he taunts her dogs when she comes to visit but I've never witnessed that so I don't know). He's also pretty, but he's so pretty you want to pet him, you want to love on him, and he's all ABSOLUTELY NOT. So the fact that this cat was essentially a lap cat was appealing.

Well, let me tell you, we've been home from the clinic for around 6 hours and this stupid cat won't even come out of the cat kennel. He's just sitting in there with the door open, eyes as wide as plates, thinking "What the hell did I do to deserve this madness?" I got him out and he sat with me on the couch for about an hour, and I was thrilled, but it was almost like he was holding his breath the entire time. I mean, he hates us. I called the clinic and they said cats take a while to adjust and if he wasn't better by Monday to bring him back.

And the cat heard me tell the kids if he wouldn't come out on his own and adapt by Monday we'd have to take him back, because I'm afraid he'll die of sadness or something, so he's in there just biding his time, waiting for Monday to come, and Skylar crawled all the way in the kennel with him, and then got stuck, and that further traumatized everybody. We have not named him yet, because no one can agree, and Owen won't discuss any names other than Lightning McQueen, and nobody else wants that name, so he doesn't want any of their names, and so on and so on and right now Skylar is attempting to climb on top of the kennel and I think this cat is going to have a heart attack.

He's super cute though, even though the back half of his body is shaved, not to the skin or anything, but it's definitely shorter than the front half, because it was all matted. It's growing out and should catch up soon. He's all black except for his nose and his feet, and no, we are not naming him Socks or Boots because Ashlyn doesn't like the name Socks or Boots, she likes the name Mittens, and I'm not naming the cat Mittens because all I'm doing is trying to give it a name, not make it gay. He also has big, pretty eyes which we've seen a lot of because he's afraid to blink around us. I want so badly to smother this cat with love and make it delirious with happiness, but I'm not really sure he's going to let me. I'm going to keep trying though, so hopefully by this weekend I'll have a cat to sit on my lap and purr and help me balance my margarita glass while we watch some football. Oh good grief, I'm just kidding! I don't watch football!

I told you she had bad hair

I mean, look at her hair! And she's not even scared!

First basketball game of 2008

Ashlyn had her first basketball game of the year on Saturday. She is on a new team this year with a new coach and is absolutely loving it. Last year's team was very rag-tag and the only thing the coach taught them was to pass the ball to her daughter. Also, some of the kids, due to the lack of coaching, thought that when they had the ball and the coach's daughter was not playing their only option was to shoot or stand cowered over surrounded by the other team. Last year was maddening for me, because I just think there are some parts of the game that are so elemental it should be easy to get kids to do them. Like, oh, I don't know, PASS THE BALL!

This year Ashlyn's coach is named Tom, and I'm not sure of his last name other than it's hard to say, especially with a drawl, so I'm not going to try. His granddaughter Taylor plays on the team, and last year she did not make a single basket all year long. Well, she made one Saturday. Yay Taylor! She was so excited she almost started crying. Well, it was either the excitement or she may have gotten hurt when all the girls mobbed her.

Coach Tom is a wonderful coach. He has taught them defense, which was never covered by last year's coach. In the YMCA league you cannot play defense until the ballhandler gets to half court, so he taught them how to break a half court press. He also stresses stopping the ball, because they play man-to-man, and the girls will let someone dribble right past them and shoot a lay-up because it's not their man. So he has shown them to stop the ball until help gets there and then you can go back to your man. Ashlyn is learning so much! They also have plays. Do they execute them? Well, no, but they have them if they are needed. Ashlyn plays shooting guard, like I did. And the other girls? They pass the ball. They love to pass the ball. They are the passingest group of people I've ever seen. So everybody gets a chance almost every time they have the ball.

So Saturday we went to the game and of course I sat right on the front row so I could take pictures and yell. I can't wait for her to get into an actual competitive league so I can yell at the referees to "my God get her off her back!" or "Get your head out of your ass and blow your freakin whistle!" Huh? What's that Ashlyn? I'm embarrassing you? Well, of course I'm embarrassing you, THAT'S WHY I CAME.

In the YMCA league they don't keep score on the scoreboard because they don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, which doesn't work because everybody just keeps it in their head. After the game I told Ashlyn I thought they had won and she immediately said "Oh, yeah, we won, 14-4." Last year she wouldn't have known that, and it tells me she's getting more competitive. And at one point she had the ball and a girl from the other team tried to slap it away from her and the look Ashlyn gave her almost killed her on the spot. I'm just sayin', nothing brings me joy like seeing little Ashlyn getting all fiesty over a basketball. I was so proud I nearly exploded.

I'm waiting for Zach and Cody to get arrested

"You haven't heard?  I can't believe it!  Hannah Montana has been using body doubles.  I just can't believe it.  I feel so let down."

"Well, you know she's just doing what her handlers tell her to do, so it's not really her fault."

"I know, but still...  I mean, first Britney let me down, and now it's Hannah.  If this keeps up I'm not going to have any heroes left."

"I know.  What are we going to do?"

(silence)

"God, We really need to get a life."

Trying a different angle

"Mama, can we get a llama?  We should get a llama.  I looove llamas!"

"NO!  We can not have a llama!  I'm sorry, but I just cannot buy a llama."

"Oh that's okay Mama.  You can just get me a hamster."

This doesn't tell me anything

Okay, so apparently there is one job for a captain in Tampa and that job has been offered to another guy.  But that other guy is trying to get a different special job in DC and if he is offered the DC job he will take that one and then the job in Tampa can be Scott's.  

No, I do not know the probability of the other guy getting offered the job in DC.  

No, I do not know when anybody in DC will decide whether or not they are offering the other guy the special job.

Yes, I am a fountain of useless information, so any further questions should probably not be directed at me.    

My talk about the birds and bees

Yesterday I took Ashlyn to the eye doctor to get some contacts.  Yes, she is a little on the youngish side for contacts, but her eyes are getting worse very very quickly and the eye doctor thinks that contacts is the best way to slow it down.  So we got some toric lenses, for her astigmatism and whatnot, and I paid out of pocket because I am the only person in America that Tricare doesn't seem to work for.  It seems their system was down so they couldn't verify something they needed to verify and my referral wasn't good enough, it only works for all the other people who get them and blah blah blah kiss my ass, here's your stupid $200.  While we were waiting Ashlyn was reading People magazine.

"Mama, look!"  And she shows me a picture with the caption:  Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnant at 16

I have been very careful to shield this little tidbit of info from Ashlyn, as she is more of a thinker than Haley, and I knew there would be questions.  She watches Zoey 101 though (and boy is that show unrealistic), so she knew immediately who it was.  

"How do you get pregnant when you are 16?"

"Uh, the same way you get pregnant when you are 30."

"Well, how's that?"

"How about I tell you when you are 30?"

"You said you get married and then God gives you a baby.  Is she married?"

"No, she's not married."

"So how did she get pregnant?"

"Uh...Hey!!  Are you excited about getting contacts or what?"

Why I'm never, ever bored

"Mama, here's a phone number for you."

"Haley, what is this number for?"

"Greenbags."

"What?"

"Greenbags. They have them on tv. You buy them to put your fruits and vegetables in. And you know what? If your fruits and vegetables usually go bad quickly in your fridge these bags can make them last up to 9 days."

"Wow."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. They said 9 days and I was all like, 9 whole days? I need to get that number!  Oh, and I also got the number for this bag that holds everything!  And it's all so easy to find!  You'll never have to dig for your cell phone again!"

Electrical outlet not necessary

Skylar's hair situation is getting progressively worse.
She gets it from Scott, you know. I mean, my hair is straight.

4-Wheelin'

This year Owen wanted Santa to bring him a Power Wheels. It was all he asked for besides a tattoo (I don't even have the strength to address that one), and the week before Christmas I got all nervous that WalMart might be all sold out of the blue 4-wheeler that Owen wanted more than life itself, and where oh where in the world was Santa going to get one, because who knew if there was sufficient time to get to Abilene and even if there was, WOULD THEY HAVE THEM THERE? WHAT WOULD WE DO IF SANTA COULD NOT FIND A BLUE 4-WHEELER POWER WHEELS? But by gosh Santa came through, and I'm glad, because I haven't been this nervous about a Santa related item since the whole mermaid fiasco back in Hawaii, when I thought Santa or Mrs. Claus one was going to have to get into a knock down drag out over a baby doll that could get in the bathtub with Ashlyn.

Our Christmas Slideshow

Here are some of the pictures that were taken over Christmas.

(note: If you sent a gift to us and you do not see it represented in a picture, please do not be offended. We got your gift, we opened your gift, and we really really appreciate your gift because it's one less thing I have to buy these selfish, selfish children.)