Can I get some cheese with my whine?

It is roughly 9:40p.  Skylar has been awake for 12.5 straight hours.  

It has not been pretty.

For four straight hours this afternoon she cried.  She didn't want me to hold her, but she didn't want me to put her down.  She wouldn't eat or drink, she didn't have a fever, I could find nothing wrong with her at all.  She just cried.  I finally decided to leave her in her crib and that maybe she'd fall asleep.  Well, she didn't.

I think at some point she may have fallen asleep for about 20 minutes, but of course that was when Owen decided he needed something from inside her room, and I said No, don't go in there, and he went in there anyway and she started screaming again.  

Then I decided to lay on Ashlyn's bed with her, and that seemed to calm her down for a minute, but of course that didn't last.  See, I have three other kids, two of whom cannot be left alone together.  We also have a cat, who at some point was put in the dryer.  Also, these kids will go days without talking to me, but the minute I need quiet they are all in my face asking questions.  Stupid questions.  

Scott got home and she was still crying.  I calmly recounted my day and then told him I was leaving because I had a meeting.  I told him to call me as soon as Skylar moved out of the house and I'd come back.

I don't think I can convey just how un-fun she is.  She screams at the drop of a hat and she throws things at you, will slap things out of your hands, and she also throws tantrums.  She is impossible to control in a restaurant.  I do not like to take her to other people's houses and I do not feel comfortable leaving her with people because I know they do not want to listen to the screaming and crying either.  She is more consuming than all three of the other ones put together.  I don't understand why she cries all the time.  At this point I don't feel like she will ever stop crying.  The amount of crying Skylar does simply cannot be normal.   And it's not an "I'm in pain" cry, it's just crying.

You know, at first I was sad that I was having another baby.  Then, when we found out it was a girl I gradually got used to the idea and started to get excited.  My last baby would be a little girl, and the others would be in school and she and I could hang out and have fun.  We could paint our toenails and do mommy-and-me gymnastics and go to the park...all sorts of things.  And I can't do any of those things with her.  She isn't happy with anything I try to do.  It's terribly hard and hurtful to me.  What in the world am I doing wrong?  She doesn't give me a second thought.    

I am rapidly approaching the end of my rope.  I think it's about time to tie a noose in it and slip it around my neck.