Here you go

So I took a break from blogging for the two weeks Scott was home, and apparently that's about as bad as selling drugs to elementary school children or going around shaking babies.  I had no idea so many people cared about this blog so much they would gripe if I didn't put anything new on here for a week or two.  I should have known though, as Skylar was born at 1:15 in the afternoon and the next morning several people called my dad wanting to know why there was nothing on the blog about it.  Oops, sorry, I was busy letting the epidural wear off so I could go pee.

And if I say that nothing exciting happened during the last two weeks everybody would know I was lying, because after all I am me, and excitement follows me around in numbers.  So here's a quick rundown.

Owen had his TBall banquet at Schroeder's out in Armuchee.  I would like to go on record as saying I enjoy the Armuchee Schroeder's better than the Downtown Schroeder's.  It's more of a casual atmosphere while the Downtown Schroeder's is more of a hip, happening environment, and let's face it, I am many things, but "hip" is not one of them.  Grandma, on the other hand, can totally pull off the Downtown Schroeder's, but Grandma is foxy like that.  (man, the Schroeder's website is shitty) 

The 11th was Military Appreciation Day at the Shorter College football game and Scott was recognized as he is a Shorter graduate and is currently in the military, as there's not much you can do with a college degree in Sports Management.  Who knew?  There should be a disclaimer beside that in the list of available degrees that says Please Note:  You can choose this degree and then expect to join the Military and go to war repeatedly, leaving your wife to fend for herself in a house with four crazy people, a stuck-up cat, and a poop eating dog, however, if by chance someone needs to devise a Round-Robin Tournament, YOU'RE THEIR GUY.  Scott also got to flip the coin at the beginning of the game, and then we sat there for three hours and watched Shorter lose in the last minute.  What a downer.  It was super fun though because we all got sunburns on one side of our body.  

Another wonderful thing that happened while Scott was home was he got the kids ready for school each morning and then took them by himself, which means I got to sleep in every day.  This was priceless to me as I value sleep over food, clothing and shelter.  This also allowed Haley to put together her own outfits without any argument from me, as I didn't see her until after school each day.  

This picture validates my veto power when it comes to "Outfits deemed suitable for school by Haley." 

We are currently getting settled back into our routine without Scott, you know, the one that involves all the drinking in the mornings.  Skylar is pooping on the potty and the older kids are currently trying to grow a beanstalk in the front yard.  It's never going to work, because they are going about it the wrong way and using pinto beans instead of magic beans.  I'm not saying anything though, because who am I to crush this dream of theirs to grow a beanstalk up to the sky?  I'm too busy trying to crush all their other dreams.  

We are also beginning to plan Haley's birthday party, as it's fast approaching, and my first brilliant idea went so horribly wrong.  See, I don't want to have birthday parties.  I need all that money for alcohol.  So I told Haley she could pick a friend from her class and I'd take them out to eat to any restaurant they wanted to go to and then I'd take them to a movie and perhaps they could spend the night.  And Haley, in what is perhaps the ballsiest move ever made by a second grader, said "Okay, I'll take my boyfriend Jax."  Oh how I hope I die before she hits her teenage years.  So now I'm taking the entire Johnson Elementary School second grade bowling.  And boy I can't wait.

Oh, and while I've brought up the subject of Haley's birthday, if any of you want to send her anything please God don't let it be a JCPenney gift card. We got one from Meena and Papaw (Scott's parents) for Halloween and I took Ashlyn and Haley to the mall tonight to spend it and if they had sold rope there I would have bought some and hung myself.

There's also some sewing going on around here, and I'll take some pictures when I get a chance.  I could get more stuff made if I hadn't bought a serger that suffers from suicidal tendencies every time I try to change the thread color, but what can you do?  I tried cussing and that didn't work, so since that's the extent of my fix-it ability I just give her some time and she eventually comes around.  And as luck would have it, well, as my luck would have it, we have a little brown mouse (that rightly decided not to show himself until after Scott was gone) living in the closet where I keep my sewing stuff.  I haven't met him in person yet, but Haley has, and it wasn't very pleasant from what I heard.  It's a good thing we have a good-for-nothing cat because if we had a regular cat the mouse might be in danger.      

Also, there's something funky going on with my feet.  Holy crap skin is falling off of them in sheets.  Thick sheets.  And you know I'm picking at it.  The disgustingness of my kids is rubbing off on me and I can't leave them alone.  I'm actually contemplating taking a picture and putting it on here for all of you to look at.  What do you think?  Yes?  No?  How about a peeling foot disease collage?  Just say the word people, say the word.