Ear tubes and one expensive trip to WalMart

So, as it turns out, he wasn't just ignoring us. He was suffering from CHS (can't hear shit) due to the lousy condition of his ears.

Owen got his first ear infection of his entire life about 6 weeks ago. It was about 2:30 in the afternoon that day when he started complaining, and by 9:00 the next morning we were at the clinic on base when both his eardrums burst. Now we all know this is not good, not good at all, and it causes massive amounts of crying. Several appointments and 5 weeks later the mucus was still built up behind his eardrums. Not infected, but definitely affecting his hearing. And by "affecting his hearing" I mean even if you were hollering there was no way he could hear you if he was more than about 10 feet away.

Yesterday Owen got tubes put in his ears. It was the same doctor than 8 days ago took out Haley's tonsils, the same doctor that one year ago got the earring back out of Haley's earlobe, the same doctor that could now basically retire just off of us.

I spent three days getting Owen all pumped up about the mask he would have to breathe into for the anesthesia. Then I told him that if he was a big boy and didn't cry he would get a surprise. Last week I made this exact same deal with Haley and she didn't cry. She howled like a banshee. Somehow, probably because I'm a sap, she still ended up with a new toy. Ashlyn heard me tell him this and actually said "Man, I wish I could get some kind of surgery so I could get something!" So, again because I'm a sap, or maybe because I was slightly worried she might fling herself off the top bunk in an effort to hurt herself enough to require professional help, I agreed she could get something too because she made 100 on her TAKS test. And of course we are proud of her, and it's so wonderful and all, and she is such a freakin nerd so I caved and said I'd get her a prize. Oh, and also because we all know I don't need to make another trip to the emergency room with one of my kids. Seriously, one day people are going to start getting suspicious.

Well, Owen was a champ at the surgery center and didn't cry, though he did look nervous when they wheeled him and his blankie away, and he totally inhaled, so don't let him tell you differently if he ever runs for office and this subject comes up. After we picked up Ashlyn and Haley from school we went to Walmart. I bought 6 things. This, this, this, this, this and this. And it was $90. 90 freakin dollars. Unbelievable. Why oh why didn't I have the good fortune to have invented the WalMart?

So here is a picture of Owen and me before the ear tube procedure. I took this with my cell phone and today I managed to get it from the phone to the computer with only a minimal use of all the bad words I know.


And this is Owen right before they wheeled him off, checking his email one last time. He's such a workaholic...he really needs to slow down.

Feeding time for the monster

Ew, what is this, tapioca?

Little Miss Manners won't eat without wiping her face between bites.

Open wide!

Air Fiesta 2008 pictures

72 pictures lasts quite a while--you may want to grab a sandwich

Happy Easter!!

Quiet Saturday mornings

Mama, I'm not trying to be a tattletail or anything, but Owen has a pair of scissors and he's trying to cut Ashlyn's hair.
(one beating later)
Scott, kids are so much fun. Remind me why we stopped having them?
Shit! Remind me why we ever started!

Side Effects

What do you get when you have 4 kids?

4 times the throw-up.

The Air Show

Saturday we went to the 2008 Goodfellow AFB Air Fiesta Air Show.  It was a perfect day, sunny and clear and not too hot, and we had a great time.  The kids went on all the planes and the helicopters, and the lines weren't too long despite there being about 2 million people there.  Admission was free, and as we walked up to the gate I said to Scott "Wow, do you know how much money they would make if they just charged $1 for each person?"  Well, not to worry folks, they made plenty of money selling food and beer.  Nothing screams money like offering hundreds of soldiers funnel cakes and miller lite.  I'm telling you, it hurt for more than a little bit when I had to pay $12 for three snowcones, aka CUPS OF ICE AND KOOLAID.  

I have pictures, lots of pictures, roughly 400,000 pictures of tiny planes far far up in the sky.  I just haven't had the energy to sit down and load the onto the computer yet.   I plan on doing that later this week.  And Skylar got a little bit of sun on one side of her face, which caused the skin to immediately blister and fall off her skull.  This type of thing happened last summer whenever she was exposed to bright sunlight, and it reinforces my belief that she has some type of allergy to the sun.  I also got a little bit of sun, which feels GREAT, believe me.  I got so much sun it's...well, it's god-awful.  I took a self portrait so you could see for yourself.  

Tomorrow (Tuesday) Haley is having her tonsils and adenoids taken out.  Also, you know that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat?  It's called a uvula, and Haley's is connected to her tonsils.  It is able to connect to her tonsils because on a scale of 1 to 4, where 4 is kissing tonsils, Haley's rank 3.5 according to Dr. Lindemann, our ENT.  So I don't know what they are going to do about that, maybe just separate it before they laser the tonsils?  I never knew that hangy thing was called a uvula, but ever since finding out I feel insanely better about that Veggie Tales song where Larry is singing about his.  Because while I'm all for the Veggie Tales and we own quite a few of their movies, I'm still not completely sure that if you played them backwards you wouldn't hear some stuff about the devil.  And I would totally try it, but I don't want to ruin the warm and fuzzy feeling I get whenever I hear that theme song.    

The Letter

(this is a copy of the letter I sent to school today with Haley)

Dear Mrs. Owens,

Last night Haley did her homework.

However, when she was finished, she was not responsible enough to put it back in her folder and stick it in her backpack instead of leaving it lying on the table where Skylar could reach it.  This was my fault because I "didn't tell her to do that." 

Skylar got Haley's homework and tore it in three pieces.  At that point, Haley again was not responsible enough to tell me or anyone else what happened or ask for tape or look for tape herself.  She apparently still felt that it was to be left lying on the table.  This was also my fault, because I was having a heated argument with the cable installer at the time in a completely different room oblivious to what was going on and I "didn't give her the idea about the tape."

Last night Scott cleaned the house (I was gone to a dinner meeting) and when he came across the ripped up paper he threw it away.  

This morning Haley actively participated in helping get all the trash out of the house because today is trash day.  After it was all shoved in the outside trash can and the can was taken to the curb Haley asked if anyone had thrown away any ripped up paper, that it was not trash, but her homework, and could somebody go through the trash and get it for her so she could take it to school. 

Needless to say, Haley will not be turning in any homework today.

Haley also did not do her reading last night, as she left her book baggie at school.  She realized this about 15 minutes after she got home from school, and I wouldn't take her back to get it (the cable installer was just starting cableCard installation into the Tivo at that point), which in her mind makes this my fault too, since Haley does anything and everything she can to shift blame and avoid all types of responsibility unless it involves getting toys, ice cream, or some type of monetary reward.    

Thanks,

Jennifer Starr

Question of the week

"So Mama, did you watch a lot of black and white movies when you were a kid?"

Happy Birthday Claire!

Congratulations to Brian and Jenny and Mary Kate on the birth of Claire Olivia today!  

Welcome to the world Claire!

We love you!

One of the best

Quite possibly one of the best things I've ever read.

Izzy, I watched the video and I teared up too.  That is, until Owen walked in and said "Why's that guy crying?  Boys don't cry!  What a SISSY!" 

Shasta kiwi-strawberry

Good thing they write it on the can, otherwise I'd have no idea this stuff has no caffeine in it.

Frosty loves Skylar

For some reason, Frosty, who hates us, has decided he loves Skylar. He sits beside her, he sleeps in her armoire on her clothes, and he allows her to lavish love and affection on him. I think he does it just to piss me off.
*Frosty is not bigger than Skylar, as he appears in this picture. This is just an optical illusion.

Although it is entirely possible that he likes her so much because she dresses better than the rest of us.

Escape checklist

Coat?
check
Passy?
check
Wrist strength necessary to turn doorknob?
dammit

Randomness

1.  On any given day we have at least two children on some type of antibiotic.

2.  Do the contestants on American Idol look at themselves in a full-length mirror before they go onstage?  

3.  Though I've not seen anything in writing, I'm relatively sure that the cat fights we have around here are scheduled for every 1.5 hours. 

4.  Included in the list of things Skylar had to eat today are cat food, a blue crayon and a tealight candle.  She also tried to eat a lightbulb from a flashlight that Owen took apart but I proved that I can still move pretty quickly when I need to.

5.  We need to make a rule around here that states if you are in the bathroom doing anything that requires you to have your pants down then you need to CLOSE THE DOOR.

6.  How come nobody hears me when I talk unless I am saying something about food? 

7.  Haley has begun wearing bikini tops from her bathing suits under her clothes because I will not buy her a bra.  Haley is in 1st grade and is built exactly like this.

8.  Female cats in heat will spray the couch in the living room.  Repeatedly.

9.  LOST is now completely over my head, but I am trying to keep up by reading the message boards, which are shocking the crap out of me.  How can a fictional television show be so hard?  If anyone knows what the hell is going on and can explain it in a way I can understand please call me.  

10.  How come singers from countries other than America have accents when they talk but not when they sing?  

Where do I go wrong?

How did your TAKS test go?

Fine.  Where have you guys been?

Mama took us to the vet to find out what's wrong with Dixie.

What did they say?

Well, she's gonna be fine, but she's got "the heat" so they've got to fix her.

What?  The heat?  What do you mean she's got "the heat?"

No, not the heat, she's in heat.

So she's just hot?

No, she-

Well that makes perfect sense.  I mean, she meows all the time and rolls around and she's got all that fur.  It MUST mean she's just really hot.  It's been hot lately you know.

No, it has nothing to do with her being hot.

They are gonna fix her next week.  The doctor told Mama that until then we needed to stick a q-tip in Dixie's vulva.  But I have no idea what that is.  

What's a vulva?

(silence)

It must be one of those things we're not supposed to talk about.  You know.  Like SEX.

HALEY!

What?

Talk about something else.

So you're not going to tell us what a vulva is?

NO.

(silence)

Mama?  What's a hickey?

Are you kidding me?

Hey!  I just taught Skylar to hock a loogie!

What?

You know, when you---

I know what it means.  Where did you hear that word?

Well...it's her name, so I hear it all the time.

Maddening

I know a joke.

Okay.

Hey Mama, do you know what?

What?

You're supposed to say Who.

What?

Not what, you're supposed to say "No but I know his brother, Who."

Oh.  Okay.

Hey Mama, do you know What?

No, but I know his brother, Who.

Ha Ha!  That's a good one Mama!

What?

Who? (hee hee)

Haley

Yes?

I thought you were telling me a joke.

I am.

Are we talking about the same thing?

Um, knock knock.

Go away.

Mama!  Knock knock.

(silence)

Is that a margarita?

(silence)

Mama, you know how you tell me to do stuff and I say I didn't hear you but really I did?  You're doing that to me right now, aren't you?

What do you mean, when you say you didn't hear me but really you did?  You mean you are ignoring me?

No, you're ignoring me.  Right now.

I'm not talking about right now.

Well what are you talking about?  

When you say you don't hear me but you really do.

I hear you fine, you're right in front of me.  Why wouldn't I hear you?

I'm not talking about right now.  I'm talking about what you said earlier.  What did you just say?

Oh!  KNOCK KNOCK!

The Little Team That Could

Ashlyn's basketball team played in an end of the season tournament yesterday and today. Yesterday we started off in a round-robin tournament. First we played the Lady Mavericks. We lost 16-6. Then we played the Lady Bearcats and we beat them, though I'm not sure of the score. For the third game we played the Lady Bearcats again, and again we won.

Today was the tough day; we had to start off playing the Lady Mavericks again.  Of course we were picked to lose, but our girls did GREAT and we beat them 10-5.  I have to say their coaches were the worst losers!  They set an awful example for their team with all the whining and complaining they did when they lost.  And they screamed at their girls so badly that the girls were crying while they were playing.  I think that's taking it a bit far.  For heaven's sake, they are only 9!  It was really obvious too, that their coaches were nazis, cause right as half-time was ending they were screaming at their players and jerking them around and girls were sobbing and our coach is over there going "Which basket are we shooting at?" and all our girls point to the basket and he goes "Yay!  RIGHT!" and gives them all high-fives.  Totally opposite coaching styles-and it proved that sometimes nice guys win. 

So for the championship game we had to play Wall.  In Wall they live, eat, and breathe sports.  Those people are the most obnoxious people on the face of the earth.  They win at everything apparently.  Well, NOT TODAY!  It was neck and neck for a while, with each team trading baskets.  Then we got down 10-6.  It looked bad, but the girls fought back.  Then it was 10-10.  Then they got to shoot foul shots and went up 11-10.  Then we scored a basket and went ahead 12-11.  There was less than a minute left and I have never yelled so much in my life.  They had a girl that was like five feet tall and Ashlyn was guarding her.  She outweighed Ashlyn by about 40 pounds and she was all over Ashlyn on the rebounds.  So I got to use my line "Get her off her back!"  Right at the end Ashlyn came over to throw the ball in and I told her "You DO NOT let that big girl get the ball, NO MATTER WHAT!"  She smiled and said "No way, she's NOT getting it!"  At the end there was like ten seconds left and we had the ball and all us parents were a nervous wreck that they were going to steal the ball and dribble down and score and then little Destiny threw up a freakin prayer and banked it in.  Ohhh Destiny, who can't make a wide open lay-up to save her life but consistently makes them from around half court...  So we were up 14-11 with five seconds left.  And every single person on our side jumped up and screamed at the same time and then it was over.  I have never, never seen a group of girls so excited.  Well, maybe I have, but not from the perspective of a parent whose kid is participating.  They were running and yelling and hugging and it was just chaos.  Shut those Wall people up, let me tell you.

Ashlyn did awesome.  She played that big girl so well, and she even started anticipating, which helped her get four steals right at the end and keep them from getting a chance to shoot and score.  She also held her own with the rebounding.  I think she's the best defensive player they have.  We just need to work on her offense.  I don't think it occurs to her to dribble...she just stands there and either shoots or passes.

And they are the champions!  There are just no words, people, no words.  I am so happy right now I am actually thinking I don't need the pills anymore.  Oh, the excitement to be had in 3rd grade basketball!  Who knew?  Who knew?  It's the stuff movies are made of.  Hoosiers?  Let me tell you, they got nothin' on us...NOTHIN'!