More pictures than you can shake a stick at

Sunday we went to a BBQ over at Will and Precious Jumper's house.  Usually whenever we have any type of get-together it's the same four families and because both us and the Ludwigsens are leaving in the next two weeks it was basically one last hurrah for our group.  I took about 130 pictures and I tried to pull out some of the best.

Haley, Maddox (Will and Precious's son), and Hayley (Eric and Kelly's daughter)  

Morgan and Skylar.  The Irwins are going to be taking our place in the group after we leave as Ryan is taking over Scott's job.

HERE IT IS LADIES!  The picture you've all been waiting for with baited breath.  Eric with his shirt off.  Which always, always, starts a conversation about chest hair.

Ryan, Scott's replacement.

Brian, Scott's 1st Sgt.

Austin (Eric and Kelly's son) eating grilled chicken.  Really, when you are 12 plates and forks are so overrated.

Amy (Brian's wife) 

Eric with his shirt back on.  Have no idea what he's doing.  I think Whip It was playing on the outside surround sound or something.

Kenny (Amy and Brian's son)

Owen

Eric throwing Maddox up in the air.  

Scott

Ashlyn

Precious and Maddox

Matthew (Eric and Kelly's son) 

Will and Maddox

Chase (Amy and Brian's son) 

Kelly (Eric's wife)

New idea?

I don't know about you, but everytime I look at these stupid pink and green polkadots I want to hurl.  So I'm trying to think of something new and improved.  Maybe I need to get a nice solid color on the sides and put up a new header with a picture of my NEW TATTOO.

Hee Hee.

Still there

I had a conversation earlier this week with someone about Skylar and how she seemed to be slimming down.  

Turns out, not so much.

One Week

The movers are coming exactly one week from today.  One week from right now my house will be about 1/3 of the way packed into boxes.  Holy #@&%!  My house is in no way ready to be boxed up.  We had a plan, well, Scott had a plan, and it was clean out two rooms on Saturday, two on Sunday, and two on Monday.  Yeah, well that didn't happen.  Last night I managed to get Owen and Haley's room cleaned out and they have explicit instructions that they are not to take anything into or out of that room.  And if they are in there for any amount of time longer than about 15 seconds it better be because they are asleep.  

There is also a nasty rumor going around that says the movers are going to empty all my rubbermaid totes and put all the stuff that I've painstakingly separated into one giant box.  I could take a minute or two and talk about how pissy this is going to make me if they do this but I DON'T THINK I HAVE TO.  

Also, in case any of you are wondering why I'm sitting here on the computer instead of cleaning it's because I am not alone.  Skylar is with me.  And Skylar has proven that she is no help.  In fact, she is actually negative help.  While I made my bed she crunched Trix cereal all over the bathroom floor.  Then, while I vacuumed that up she went in Ashlyn's room and got the dirty clothes out of the hamper and put them all in the bathtub.  So trying to do anything while Skylar is here is pointless.  

Another reason is there is not enough time in the day for me to get everything done I want to do.  We need more hours or something.  

A quick rundown of my day:

6:45  Get the kids up and ready for school

7:30  Scott leaves to take them all to school

8:15  Ashlyn calls to tell me she needs me to bring her $1.50 for the swimming trip her class is taking tomorrow

8:30  Ashlyn has a spelling bee at school (I do not make it to the spelling bee because I am busy having an anxiety attack at home over all the things I have to do today)

9:15 Leave for the gym

9:30  Step class at the gym.  Oh, and to all those people who think "Well why don't you just not go to the gym?"  BITE ME

10:30  Step class is over.

10:30  Spin class at the gym.  (which I skip because of the time issue)

10:45  Go to Bank of America and close out our bank accounts.  We have a local bank in Rome so there's no need to keep it

11:15  Come home and take a shower

12:00  Make bed.  Vacuum bathroom floor.  Get all clothes out of shower.

12:30  Leave to pick Owen up from school

12:45  Pick up Owen

1:00  Meet Scott for lunch (this one is almost laughable)

1:30  End of school year conference with Haley's teacher

1:50  End conference and get home by 2:00

2:45  Leave to pick up the girls from school

3:10  Get home from picking the girls up from school

3:11  SNACK WE NEED A SNACK WE ARE GOING TO STARVE IF YOU DON'T GIVE US A SNACK RIGHT NOW

3:40ish  Clean up all the SNACK that didn't get eaten or got smashed on the floor

4:15  Leave for gymnastics

4:30  Gymnastics starts (last day)

5:30  Gymnastics is over and I have 10 more gray hairs from dealing with Owen and Skylar inside a building for an hour where there is nothing to do.  And we've tried to take toys before and No, it doesn't work.

5:45  Get home

6:00  Start dinner

6:30ish  Call Scott, see what time he's planning on gracing us with his presence today

6:45 Eat

7:15  Begin to ask various children to get in the shower

7:30  Scott gets home and gets children into the bathroom

8:00  Get the wet-vac and suck up approximately 4 inches of water off the bathroom floor

8:15  Have a fit because I've gone into Owen and Haley's room and it is demolished even though I just threw out all their crap yesterday. 

8:30  Try to have a conversation with Scott about all the stuff we need to be doing in the house.

8:45  Give up

9:00  Wonder why there are still kids running around and not in the bed

9:05  Take a pill or two

If you are looking closely you will notice that at no time during the day today have I planned for Skylar's nap, because there just isn't any time.  I can't lay her down for 30 or 45 minutes and then wake her up because she'd scream her head off, which she does anyway, but she would also add in throwing things like sippy cups.  Which hurt.  

Oh, and it's raining.  Lovely.

I'll just stop drinking water

I have all these crazy phobias and irrational worries that a normal person (aka Scott) would scoff at.  Like, say, I will wake up in the middle of the night convinced that the door to the house is unlocked and someone is going to come in and steal the children.  And then bring them back.   Oh, ha ha! I'm only kidding about that last part.  

If Scott calls and says he's on his way home and it seems to take two minutes longer than usual I'm absolutely sure he's been in a terrible car wreck.  If the school's name shows up on the caller ID I'm certain someone has either broken a bone or there's been some shooting incident.  There are others, like the problem I have with the broil function on the stove, as one time I was using it and the food spontaneously burst into flames inside the oven and I freaked out.  Oh, and don't think for a minute I would ever buy a potted plant from WalMart because did you see the story a few years ago about the man who bought his wife a potted plant from WalMart and she was watering it and there was a snake in it and it bit her and SHE DIED?     The list goes on and on.  I worry.  It's what I do.   

Then there are things I'm actually afraid of, like hot dogs.  And also Scott when he's grilling because when he starts out he builds what can only be described as a raging bonfire with his little pieces of charcoal and it's very windy here and My God You are going to burn down the damn house with that!    

Tonight as I was getting ready for bed I went in the bathroom and raised the potty lid.  Do you actually look closely in the potty before you use it?  I mean, of course there's the quick glance just to make sure the person before you flushed, because not everyone who lives in this house feels that is something they need to do on a regular basis (I'M TALKING ABOUT ALL THE LITTLE PEOPLE), but I'm talking about looking closely.  For anything terrifying.  

So Skylar was in there with me of course and I was hurrying because given even two seconds she can toss an alarming amount of stuff into the bowl and I swear I was turning around to drop my pants and I saw something out of the corner of my eye.  Just a little flash of something.  And do you know what?  There was a HUGELY GIGANTIC ROACH on the underside of the seat.  That I was just about to sit on.  The flash I saw was its two inch antennae poking out just a little.  

The first thing I did was teach Skylar two new words to add to her ever expanding vocabulary.  Then the roach made a fatal mistake and moved to the inside of the bowl and in a burst of genius I flushed.  Skylar and I watched it spin around and get sucked away.  

Then I decided that I didn't really need to pee.  EVER AGAIN.  

Even the four year old knows it

"I love you."

"Awww Owen, I love you too."

"I mean, I love Daddy, but I love you too."

"Yeah, I love Daddy and Ashlyn and Haley and Skylar, but I love you too."

"Ewww, you love Skylar?"

"Yes, of course I love Skylar."

"Well I don't see how, cuz all she does is cry!"

More horse riding

Saturday at the Military Appreciation Day celebration there was a pony and of course we had to stand in a 2 mile long line so all the kids could have a ride. I'm just sayin', if you really want to show me some appreciation you could put out some benches along the lines. Or I don't know, maybe have TWO ponies?

You should well prepare yourself for the most exciting 4+ minutes of video you just might ever see in your entire life.

Rock Wall Climbing

Saturday was Military Appreciation Day out at Goodfellow Rec Camp. It was pretty much the same as last year, and we did exactly the same thing we did last year.  Even the weather was exactly the same.  It was like that Groundhog movie.  

Anyway, here's Ashlyn climbing the wall at this year's event.  As you can tell, she's gotten speedier.  And taller.

Fun on a Farm

Saturday night we went out to the Holder's farm, the Hold Yer Horses Ranch.  Greg recently retired from the army and is one of Scott's contractors and his wife, Jennifer, is the B Co Senior Drill Sgt.  Greg also has horses and trains and breaks horses and lots of other things that I don't know because I have no idea about horses.  So they have lots of land, miles and miles of it, like millions of miles of it that goes on forever and the kids just get out there and run off and you don't see them until they are hungry, which is kind of nice.  

Eric Ludwigsen was B Cos 1st Sgt up until about a week or so ago.  He and Scott got to San Angelo at the same time and we've hung out with him and his family a lot.  They have three kids, Austin (11-ish), Haley (8), and Matthew (6).  Our kids love their kids and Owen has spent the night at their house lots of times while Haley has spent the night over here lots of times.  This little get-together out at the Holder's was a going away party for them.  

I do not take my camera when I go to the Holder's because as a general rule you do not want photographic evidence of the things that go on out there.  I could list some of the things that happen, but I don't want any of you to think less of me because of the company I keep so I'll skip that part.  Last night was Amy's first time out to their house and she took her camera so that's where these pictures are coming from.  I would like to add that I did see one person getting a picture taken of their naked butt, however that picture will not appear on this blog.  Because I'm classy like that.  Also, this blog is only PG rated.

Owen specifically wore a sleeveless shirt to the party because he knew it was a party for Eric Ludwigsen and he felt Eric would have on a sleeveless shirt.  Owen associates people by their clothes much like Ashlyn and Haley did when they were small (who could forget Ashlyn's preschool friends, Red Twin and Blue Twin?) so whenever he wears sleeveless shirts he's wearing an "Eric Lud shirt" and whenever he wears cargo pants he's wearing "Master pants" a la Brian Lemaster.  

This is a picture of Owen and Brian Lemaster (see the cargo pants!!) on Austin Ludwigsen's little motorcycle.  I'm not sure how fast the bike went, but if I had to guess I would say ENTIRELY TOO FAST WHEN A FOUR YEAR OLD IS ON IT.  They zipped back and forth and Owen decided that "his daddy needed to buy him one of those."  Um, I'm thinking what everyone else reading this blog is thinking.  Hell no.  Unless Brian and Eric are reading it, and in that case they are thinking Hey, that's a good idea.  Because they are morons.  And drunk.   

Here is a picture of Eric (sleeveless shirt) and Owen on the bike.  Ladies, PLEASE CALM DOWN.  As you can see, Eric has his shirt on, so there is no need for the mass hysteria that usually follows him taking it off.  I have seen Eric take his shirt off on many many occasions, and oddly enough the majority of them occured inside halfway decent eating establishmets here in San Angelo and once even in Logan's.  Usually a nice dinner out with the Colonel isn't complete without a chest-baring incident from Eric.  This is one of the main reasons I'm friends with Eric, the whole potential for unexpected nakedness inside chain restaurants.  But honestly, they just don't come much better than the Ludwigsens.  I'm a better person because I know them.   

Owen had the time of his life riding the motorcycle.  Eric even let him steer it on the straight part of the ride.    

The kids also got to ride one of the horses.  

There is no picture of Skylar on a horse because it turns out she does not care for them.  Much like everything else in her life, if it doesn't involve food she can't be bothered with it.    

*Results not typical

All this going to the gym must be working.  You must be getting PHAT when you've got the garbage men yelling HEY BABY! when they drive by the house as you're getting into the car in your gym attire.  

Also, speaking of uncomfortable situations, today at the gym Danielle and I did water aerobics.  Afterwards we were in the locker room getting our stuff together and I was busy packing my bag on one of the benches.  I raised my head and directly in front of me was a half naked lady sporting what have got to be the biggest boobies in all the universe.  Gawd.  And you know, big is not always beautiful.  Sometimes it's not even close.         

Every breath you take

Today Amy and I tried the Bodyflow class at the gym.  

Today I realized that I'm not the yoga type.  

I can do it, all the poses and the balancing and the stretching and even the backbend.  But I get absolutely nothing out of it.  I'm not sweating and my heart rate doesn't increase.  And I can't get all "centered" because I'm too busy thinking about how stupid it is.  

So there were about 6 people total in the class.  One of them was a guy, Dave.  Dave got there about the same time as us and he filled us in on what a great class it was and how much he gained from doing it and boy, we would just love it.  

Dave is an extremely heavy breather.  What I don't understand is how you do a lunge to the side, you inhale and bring your arms in, palms up (I think) and then you breathe out and push your arms away from you body and Dave is breathing like a horse that just ran the freakin Derby.  The teacher is talking about peacefulness and all you hear is BREATHING!  BREATHING!  Why does doing a lunge cause you to breathe like that?  

The tai chi part is exactly like doing karate in super slow motion.  And if that sounds dumb then you should actually see it in action.  You don't have to even wonder if you look stupid doing the moves because they have a mirror right in front of you and you can see very clearly that yes, you sure as shit look like a complete idiot.  The entire class I put most of my effort into NOT LOOKING AT AMY because I knew if I did I'd bust out laughing and totally kill the mood in the room.  

At the end of the class they tell you to lie down on your mat and stretch out and "just sink down into your mat and find your inner calm."  Then they whisper sweet nothings over the microphone about peace and harmony.  This part lasts for seven minutes.  And I didn't relax.  I was lying on a wooden floor on a rubber mat that was about 1/8 inch thick.  You cannot sink into a wooden floor.  And another thing?  DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I COULD BE GETTING DONE IN THESE SEVEN MINUTES?  I can get so much done in seven minutes it would make your fool head spin.  And you want me to just lie here on the floor and be quiet and zen?  Are you kidding?  With all the BREATHING! BREATHING!?  And the whispering?  Seriously, is this a joke?  Because I don't get it. 

I tried to think back and I believe that the last time I was still and relatively calm for seven minutes was right after they said "Congratulations, your tubal ligation was a complete success!"  But now I'm supposed to find my inner calm?  I live with 4 small people who could tear up a steel ball.  Four small people who have spent such a large amount of time (collectively) at various emergency rooms around the country that we were nearly denied for life insurance.  Calm?  THERE IS NO SUCH THING. 

Ducks!

Sunday night after dinner we took some old hamburger buns and went to feed the ducks near our house.  

I do not like ducks.  I have a scar on my leg from a cut I received while trying to climb over a chain link fence to escape a charging duck.  Also, in high school there was a huge duck, or maybe it was a goose, either way it was deranged, that lived in a pond at my friend Tara's house.  That duck used to terrify us.  One day her dad put it in the back of his truck and drove it over to Alabama and left it.  And that duck beat him back to the house.  So just trust me, ducks are not to be messed with.  Like goats.  Why people think goats are cute is beyond me.  I'm telling you, goats are straight from the devil and they will turn on you in a heartbeat.  And it's very hard to outrun a goat.  I know.

Anyway, the kids think ducks are fun.  They think this because when we walk we go right past where they congregate up near the road and from a distance they look like something you want to be a part of.  This is how they gain your trust and draw you in.  So you bring some bread over to them like the fool you are thinking you can toss a couple of pieces out and It'll be fun!  The ducks will eat the bread!  And they will be so cute!  Well, one piece of bread goes out to one little duck and the other ducks come racing over and you quickly find that YOU CANNOT THROW THE BREAD FAST ENOUGH.  Not even handfuls of bread thrown in super fast succession will appease ducks.  They are greedy little suckers. 

The reason the kids think ducks are fun is one time we tried to feed the ducks downtown in the Concho River that runs beside the huge wooden playground.  Even though all we ended up feeding was a turtle there were no uncomfortable incidents regarding the ducks so my kids now think that Ducks Are Fun.  

We got the kids out of the car and my plan was to immediately began putting them on top of the picnic tables where they would be out of the ducks' reach.  This lasted long enough for me to get Haley up there and try to get Owen and that's when Haley jumped down and ran after the ducks with the other ones close behind.  So, against my better judgement, we all approached the ducks.  

I took pictures strictly for insurance purposes.  

Skylar sees the ducks in the distance.    

Feeling bold due to the fact that her siblings are morons and were actively trying to get closer and closer to the ducks Skylar runs toward them.  Note none of the ducks are facing her.

Skylar closes in on the ducks and two of them turn around and start walking toward her.  At that time Skylar sees them up close and personal and see the look on her face?  That's her WHAT THE HELL? look.  That was the end of Skylar's curiosity with the ducks, as she quickly turned around and high-tailed it back to the picnic table.

This was toward the end of our duck visit.  

"Give me some of your bread."

"No."

"Give me some of your bread!"

"No!  Get your own!"

"There isn't any more.  That's the last piece."

"Well, TOO BAD for you!"

"Maaaamaaaa!  Owen won't share his bread!"

"I DON'T WANT TO SHARE WITH HERRRRR!'

Haley then tried to remove the bread from Owen's hand against his will.  

Crying ensued. 

Scott yelled. 

We left. 

The end.

Excuse me

Whatever happens, Frosty, by all means don't let me get in your way.

On the road to good health

I have joined a gym. Actually, it's a health club (if there's a difference), and because we are leaving in a month they waived the registration fee so after the military discount it's only $38.  They also have free child care.  Which means they watch your children while you are in class.  FOR FREE.  So when the novelty of working out wears off I can still go, drop off the kids, and hide in the bathroom for a little while and get some time to myself.

Let me start by saying I am not the "working out" kind of person.  I used to be, but that ship sailed a long time ago.  Now I don't run, ever.  I'm definitely not the type to overexert myself.  I think the last time I actively participated in being healthy was right around the time I got pregnant with Ashlyn, which coincidentally was the last time I went to the bathroom #2.  Maybe it's all connected, I don't know.  There was a short, three month span after Owen was born where I went to a gym while Scott was in Afghanistan, and there was also two weeks this past summer, but nothing really of substance to count.      

I went for my first class on Friday, 3o minutes of step aerobics followed by 30 minutes of abs, and all I can say is HOLY HELL!  Luckily I did not have a heart attack though it was pretty close.  I used the highest step, because the two people I went with used the highest step and the 70 year old lady wearing spandex in the row in front of me used the highest step and even though I have not attended a step class in 11 years I am such a sucker for peer pressure and I didn't want to be a pansy.  Going to workout first thing in the morning gives you such a high and you feel super healthy and it was almost too much for me to handle so I came straight home and had an apple pie, which felt AWESOME because after working out and burning lots of calories it all balanced out and it was like I didn't even eat the pie.  

So now I've looked at the gym schedule and picked out one class each day and made all sorts of plans to meet people there and work out.    

This summer Scott and I are going to start a running regimen too.  I am hoping that all these cardio classes added with the running will boost my overall health.  After my last doctor's appointment I was told I have high cholesterol.  I responded with "Everybody's got high cholesterol" which didn't make the doctor very happy.  Also, with my grandmother and my father being diabetics I am kind of trying to take care of myself a little more.  Plus I've been in a funk for a while now and I'm hoping this helps me work through it.  

I have mentioned to several people lately that I have joined a gym and plan on actively participating and some of them have raised their eyebrows and questioned my intentions.  So please hear me out.  I am not going into this in an effort to be the skinniest person out there.  There's more to life than trying to be the skinniest, always trying to lose weight, and obsessing about it all.  I just don't have the time or effort for any of that and frankly it gets old after a while.  I just want to be able to go on a run with Scott or play a game of tennis or ride a bike for a couple miles without falling over.  That's my main goal.  I do not want to weigh 120 pounds.  I am not built to weigh that and I would look bad if I weighed that.  There comes a point where you should stop losing otherwise you'll look sick.  Also, I don't think that it's such a big deal if I leave Skylar in the day care area at the gym for an hour a day.  She gets interaction with other kids and she has time away from me and she needs that.  So thanks to everyone who has been really positive about me joining and repeatedly telling me Skylar is okay not being up my butt all day.  Because she is.      

So we will see how I feel at the end of the week.  I've been told that working out not only helps improve your physical health, but also your mental and emotional health as well.  I've got my fingers crossed!!  

And lets all pray that Amy or Morgan doesn't drop a weight on my foot tomorrow because that would kind of be a downer for me.         

Happy Mother's Day!!

Turns out I am an awesome mother. How do I know this? Because today, when Haley dropped and shattered my favorite Pampered Chef baking stone, the one that is seasoned perfectly after 8 or so years, the one that I use every single freakin' day...well, I bit my lip and hugged her and told her it didn't matter, that what did matter was that we were all getting to spend the day together.

And I swear after that the sun was brighter, the sky was bluer, and my heart felt full.

My next purchase FOR SURE

(from here)

PEEKABOO WII GAME TO FOCUS ON POLE DANCING FOR FUN AND FITNESS NEWS

In response to recent speculation, we are pleased to confirm that Peekaboo is in talks to develop a game for the Nintendo Wii that meets mainstream demand for the fun and fitness benefits of pole dancing.

With pole dancing classes springing up in gyms and health clubs across Europe and the USA, the number of women seeking the body-sculpting and fat-burning effects of this aerobic form of exercise has never been greater.

While the Peekaboo Wii game is still in the developmental stage, it can be confirmed that it will not involve Carmen Electra, the inspiration behind our recent Electra-Pole Professional Pole Kit.

Peekaboo and its partners are focussed on using Wii friendly hardware to make aerobic pole dancing instantly accessible just as Guitar Hero did for rock’n’roll.

Men and women of all shapes and sizes will be encouraged to work on improving their skills, with the firm focus on fun and fitness as per the core brand values of Nintendo Wii.

More soon…

Today's lesson: Believe in yourself

"We've got to stop those Bobos! Say Freeze Bobos!"

"Freeze Bobos!"

"Louder!!"

"FREEZE BOBOS!!"

"Yay! You helped stop the Bobos!"

"Of course I did Diego. I'm AWESOME!"

Feelings

The amazing thing about this video is the range of emotions Skylar experiences in just under 3 1/2 minutes. And even more amazing than that? She's NOT EVEN ON HER PERIOD.

This little piggy

I've spoken about Skylar's HAIR! before and I'm running out of ideas to help it.
Note to self: Multiple bows are not the answer.