It's the thought that counts. I think.

My birthday is April 18th. The kids started talking about it around February 23rd, when Ashlyn had hers. After that there aren't any until mine, and that was discussed at length: "Guess who's got a birthday coming up?" and "Guess who's getting presents soon!" and "Can we buy Mama that wii game I want?" So anyway, it's not like the day actually snuck up on anyone. How can people say that anyway? "Well, it snuck up on me." What? It's the SAME DAY every single year, and the calendar works the SAME WAY every single year, so it's not a trick to fool you into missing it. That's a bad excuse. Instead of saying it snuck up on you why not just man up and say you weren't paying attention, or you procrastinated to the point of where it was too late? Or that you flat out don't care one?

We live in Korea. At Christmas we found that Korea doesn't have a lot to offer in the way of gifts. I thought at the time that it was because we didn't have a car, and there was all that snow everywhere, and we just didn't know where to look. The PX here is bad, really bad. The toy section is bad and the clothes section is bad and the list just goes on and on. I had a hard time, a really really hard time, coming up with stuff to buy for the kids for Christmas, and I had a hard time finding things for Scott. And when Scott went out on December 23rd to pick up some gifts for me, he had a hard time too.

We talked about it at Christmas, how we were going to have to start birthday shopping weeks in advance because whatever we bought would have to be shipped from somewhere other than Korea, so for it to get here in time it needed to be ordered about 2 weeks in advance and shipped priority so we could then sit back and cross our fingers and hope and pray it got here. So for Skylar's in January I found a really cute doll house online and told my mom about it, she ordered it from ToysRUs and then I ordered all the extra rooms along with a couple other small things. They got here in plenty of time and I wrapped them up and all was good. And Skylar plays with that doll house every single day. Good call, Jennifer!

As we perused Korea and the various shopping establishments off post Ashlyn found a really soft, really warm blanket for her bed. She'd take one of those for her birthday, thanks, unless we wanted to buy her an iPod touch, which I thought about for about half a second before saying ARE YOU CRAZY? I mean seriously, do you even know where you DS is right now? Or your digital camera? Or the charger to either one of them? No? Well then, let's by all means go out and spend several hundred dollars on another piece of electronics you can lose; now, how about a blanket? We also did go ahead and get her a cell phone, the prepaid kind, with something like 1000 minutes for $9 that I gave to her along with a threat that I would absolutely string her up by her toes in the closet under the stairs if she started texting people or giving out the number to her friends. We will not, I told her, buy minutes more than once a month (the way Korean pre-paid cell phones work, or the way I understand them to work, is your minutes keep adding up but you have to renew each month for $9, for which you get an additional 1000 minutes. I could be way off here; the guy spoke very limited, very broken English.) Because the second she used all her minutes doing that kind of thing and I went to pick her up from someplace and she wasn't where she said she'd be and she couldn't call because she'd been yakking to all her buddies an her minutes were all gone was the same exact second she would start walking everywhere she needed/wanted to go. Scott said under no circumstances would we be spending more than $9 a month on a phone for an 11 year old who only needed to use it to get in touch with me when chorus got out 15 minutes early. There was also that other time it came in really handy though, that time Skylar, Lisa and I accidentally got on the wrong subway train and didn't realize it for a little while, and didn't get back in time for school to be let out. So, other than when her mother does something stupid, she doesn't really need it, and of course most of the time she doesn't even carry it. Like MOST OF THE TIMES I TRY TO CALL HER.

Then. My birthday. I imagine a window opening up in the sky and a ray of light shining down onto that specific date on the calendar. Not really. But anyway, Scott's mom came to visit and she left the morning of the 17th, which was a Saturday. So that afternoon we all went to the PX so I could browse a different aisle from the rest of them, who were going to be buying PRESENTS!! Well, it didn't go as planned, because there's just nothing there to buy for you, mama, we just couldn't find anything. And they decided not to buy something just for the sake of buying something, which I can't argue with and won't argue with. I appreciate not being given something they don't like, that they aren't sure I'll like, just so there will be a present there. At one point though while we were in the PX I was looking at a rack of earrings, not "real" jewelry mind you, just the costume stuff and I pointed out to Ashlyn a couple of pairs I thought were cute, so that's what they bought.

And Scott was in a bad mood for the rest of the night, because he was in Iraq last year so I basically bought my own presents and this year he was back and he wanted to buy me stuff and he couldn't find anything to buy. And he didn't even like the earrings, but he wasn't going to not give me anything at all, and the girls were upset because they thought the earrings would be fine, so he just bought them until he could find something else, something better. This was just like at Christmas, when we found that shopping the day before was a bad idea because when you couldn't find anything to buy it was already too late to look on the internet.

The next day, my actual birthday, we went to the food court here to eat dinner. There are no restaurants here that you can count on, they don't understand consistency here, so rather than go out and spend a lot of money on bad food that isn't satisfying, we went to Subway, because have you had their new flatbread? It's so satisfying. And you can count on it to consistently taste the same, so there are no awkward surprises and tears and shouting. Afterwards, we went over to the Baskin Robbins counter to buy an ice cream cake. Have I mentioned how much I love birthday cake? I love it. Love, love, love it. I like cheesecake, and peach cobbler, and stuff like that, but nothing beats birthday cake. Nothing. Well we walked over to get one and they didn't have any. So we just went home. And for two days Scott apologized about not getting me any presents, and not getting me a cake, and giving me a crappy birthday, and not putting gas in the car the last time which made me think I was going to run out, and that one time two years ago when he said my hair looked bad and I cried about it.

Five days after my birthday is Scott's birthday. And you know what? Scott loves meatloaf. Now, I think meatloaf is one of the nastiest things on the face of the earth, along with coconut, feet and the sound of someone brushing their teeth. I don't know why, because isn't it basically just a hamburger shaped like a loaf of bread? It just seems so heavy, I guess, that I don't care for it at all. You know what else Scott likes? German chocolate cake. You know, with coconut frosting. So guess what we did. I got Becky The World's Best Baker to send me recipes for meatloaf and german chocolate cake, went out and bought all the stuff, and started at 2:00 in the afternoon on Scott's birthday cooking and baking. Oh, and the girls made cupcakes, because nobody else was willing to commit to eating the german chocolate cake and we needed something to enjoy too.

Let me tell you, this meatloaf was the bomb. I had to finely mince carrots, and onions, and celery, and put in various sauces, and hamburger meat, and italian sausage, and spices, and then, THEN I had to put my hands in the bowl with all of it and mix it up. With my hands. And I think it was at that point Ashlyn said "Oh I feel so sorry for you, mom." and even Haley teared up a little bit and asked what the other choices were for dinner, like, what side dishes were we having again? Because maybe she needed to have another after-school snack.

Oh, and I have to add that right in the middle of all of this water started coming out of the bottom of the refrigerator so I called the housing people and they sent a small Korean man to my house, who proceeded to take all the food out of the freezer and the top two shelves of the refrigerator, spread it out on the counter, and then start working on the refrigerator with a screwdriver and a hair dryer. So there was me, Ashlyn and Haley, and the Korean man all in the kitchen, with both the refrigerator and the freezer door wide open, and every dish I own out on the counter, along with all the food we had that needed refrigeration.

Then we made a german chocolate cake from scratch. With flour and cocoa and buttermilk, which, oh by the way, they don't sell at the commissary, so we had to get the next best thing, some powder in a can, and MAKE OUR OWN FREAKING BUTTERMILK. I am not even joking. And after that we had to wash all the beaters and mixing bowls and then make two batches of strawberry cupcakes, which we did not make from scratch, and looking back we should have because it would have made the story so much better. Then we had to let it all cool while I finished up mixing the meatloaf and peeling 10 pounds of potatoes because I have a lot of kids and I didn't feel really secure in the fact that they would be eating meatloaf. Next was the huge fight over how many cupcakes SHE was icing, and how SHE did two more than I did, and how SHE was hurrying so she could do the most, and where are the sprinkles, LOOK MOM, SKYLAR IS EATING THE SPRINKLES STRAIGHT FROM THE SPRINKLE JAR, and Owen came in wanting to help, so he and I made the coconut pecan frosting, after we TOASTED THE STUPID PECANS because there's nothing half-ass about me and DON'T YOU FORGET IT, and Owen decided that this couldn't possibly be the stuff I was going to put on that chocolate cake over there cooling on the racks, because it didn't look anything like frosting and he wasn't going to eat any of it, he'd just have a cupcake. So basically I'm making a meatloaf that no one is going to eat besides Scott, and a cake that no one is going to eat besides Scott. And I'm sweating like nobody's business, so on top of the onions and the celery and the cocoa smell I also smell like feet.

HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY, EAT YOUR MEATLOAF AND YOUR CAKE AND YOU'D BETTER FREAKING LIKE IT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER LIKED ANYTHING BEFORE IN YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE FREAKING LIFE.

We also went and got some presents, some new nike running shorts and shirts because Scott runs off post in the mornings and you're not supposed to be advertising Army PT off post by wearing the uniform. Actually, you're not supposed to advertise Army anything here off post, you're supposed to blend in. Which is difficult for us because we don't really look Asian. Or speak Korean. We also got him some dark jeans, which look so awesome on him I've asked him to wear them every single day when he gets home from work and takes off his ACUs, and a computer game for his computer, because I have the same game on my computer and he hogs it all the time, which cuts into my Facebook time. And I mean, come on. I HAVE TO HARVEST.

Five days after Scott's birthday is Owen's birthday. And Owen is really into nerf guns and shooting nerf darts at that cat we got, so he had one already, Meena bought him one while she was visiting, and I bought him another one and lots and lots of darts, along with a movie and a wii game. Then, we made a brownie pizza on the pampered chef pizza stone (hint: if you put parchment paper on the stone and spread the brownie batter on it the batter won't run off when it cooks and you can make a big brownie pizza!), topped with marshmallows and chocolate drizzle. For dinner Owen had his choice and he chose...wait for it...Taco Bell. He's going to make a great husband one day. It's my birthday. Taco Bell and brownies, please.

Five days after Owen's birthday is our wedding anniversary. Are you starting to see a pattern? (Amy, I know you see it and I know I'm making you absolutely giddy with all my "tendencies") So, two days before my anniversary Scott takes Owen to the PX to "try to buy a new Wii". This whole "we need a new Wii" thing is a totally separate story, but a good one nonetheless, and I will be featuring all of THOSE sordid details in an upcoming post. When they got home they didn't have a Wii, and Scott looked dejected again, saying Oh well, I was gonna try to get you a picture from the PX but it's not going to work.

--(there's a guy at the PX annex who takes a picture and then burns it into wood, and it's absolutely amazing. i cannot believe the detail he gets into them, and I comment every time we pass them about how pretty they are.)--

Scott took my favorite wedding picture to the guy, along with a poem the girls helped him pick out online somewhere, for the guy to burn into wood. It turns out it would take him 2 weeks to get it finished, so there's no way it'd be ready anytime near our anniversary (2 days away), and also the picture Scott took had that "soft glow" look to it and the guy said he couldn't get enough detail from it to make it look right. Scott apologized for striking out, again, and made the executive decision that we weren't buying each other anything for our anniversary this year, because he couldn't find anything to buy me. We also didn't go out to eat, instead I made taco salad, so the hamburger meat wouldn't spoil.

So, you know, it kind of started off on a slight downward slant and by the end it was a flat-out free-fall. And Scott has been in a continuous state of apology, and I can't figure out if I'm sad, hurt, mad, or indifferent to the whole situation. He's a male, after all, and he understands the planning that goes into birthday/anniversary present buying about as well as he understands the planning that goes into getting all the separate food dishes to be ready to eat at the exact same time when you make dinner. What? It's all going to be ready at the same time? Without one or two parts having to sit in the microwave for half an hour? WHAT MADNESS.

Yesterday Haley came home from school with a flower she planted for me for Mother's Day, one that she was supposed to keep in her classroom and bring home Friday, but they apparently planted these flowers on Earth Day, last month, because her teacher thought it would be easier to only get the potting soil out with all the 3rd graders ONE time. So these flowers had just about lived out their life expectancy in the classroom, and the teacher was shocked they had started dying, and everyone was afraid they were going to die before Sunday so she sent them all home. Even better, to ruin the surprise even more, she sent out an email BEFORE school was out, letting us know our children, our sweet little 9 year olds who absolutely live for surprises, had patiently and lovingly planted us flowers and they were now half dead so they were bringing them home today, Happy Mother's Day, SURPRISE!

(last night, when Scott got home:)

"Daddy! Look at the pretty yellow flower I planted for Mama at school."

"Why did you plant a flower for her?"

"Because Sunday is Mother's Day!"

(looking rather alarmed and looking at me) "Sunday is Mother's Day?"

"Yeah! Didn't you know?"

"Sunday is Mother's Day. Shit. I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK."

And he's already apologizing for how badly Sunday is going to go.

Well, there's something to be said for NOT living in a state of anticipation, I guess, for not wondering what's inside all the nicely wrapped PRESENTS!! Needless to say, since moving to Korea, I've lowered my bar. Actually, you can't really even see the bar anymore, because it's covered in dirt.