Because the Universe hates me

Last night the t-ball game got rained out (Thank you Hurricane Hanna) and I was thinking that I had gotten away with having to sit at one less t-ball game this season but unfortunately we have to make it up tomorrow night (Wednesday) which totally messes up my weekly Wednesday date with Grandma down at Paul's Oyster Bar. This is disappointing to me for many reasons, some of which include crab cakes and free dessert, but I think Grandma is going to be even more upset. I'm not saying she lives for our date night by any means, I'm just saying that I normally pick her up a little after 6:00 on Wednesday evenings and last week I called her on Tuesday and asked her what she was doing and she responded "Waiting for you!"

Needless to add, Owen was devastated when he did not get to play t-ball last night. I told him God made it rain because he cried at preschool again.

And while we're talking about crying at preschool, let's talk about this morning, when I physically shoved Owen into the room and he fell down so I quickly shut the half-door to the room before he could get back up and he SCALED THE DOOR, flipped over the top and chased me down. Seriously, when he grows up his job should be determination.   I was beginning to think I should get him some pills or something and then he asked me a little while ago when Daddy was going to get his own room and me and him were gonna share. So now I'm kinda flattered.

On to tonight, when Haley had her first real live football game to cheer at. The plan was to go home, do homework, clean up a little bit (I stress "a little bit" because nobody here cleans anything "a lot" a.k.a. "properly"), and then eat and leave by 4:45 so we could drop Skylar off at Jenny's and get to the field by 5:15.  It was appoximately 3:50 when everyone was outside avoiding cleaning at all costs watching Heidi poop when all hell broke loose.

And then there was all this screaming and yelling and all I could understand is "SHE'S GONNA NEED STITCHES TO HOLD IN ALL HER BLOOD!" and everybody was crying and I couldn't even figure out at first who was hurt.  Turns out it was Haley, who was standing in the driveway dripping blood everywhere while she yelled at the top of her lungs "I CAN'T MOVE MY ARM!!"

You have GOT to be shitting me.

Now some of you may remember that Ashlyn just broke her arm not 5 weeks ago and she got her cast off last week.  That whole ordeal was such a pain in my ass an experience that I had hoped all of them would hold off, say, until I was dead before somebody else broke something.  And seeing the blood before I saw anything else I was almost afraid to look any closer, because if there's blood then there must be broken skin and if there's a broken arm and broken skin and blood then there's a good chance you're gonna see some bone and I can't imagine that's ever a good thing, even on an empty stomach.

This time it was not Owen, but the dog across the street who was at fault, the same dog that has terrorized my children and my dog for a month now, ever since those people brought it home.  And what do you think I did?  As I was suddenly overwhelmed with the thought that I was going to have another month or longer with a cast, that all that money I spent on cheerleading was wasted because she couldn't cheer with a broken arm, that it was her left arm and she writes with her left hand, that my children were watching me closely to learn how to deal when the shit hits the fan?  I did what I felt was the right thing to do.  I went across the street to the guy who owns the dog and absolutely chewed him out.  I lost it.  I don't remember what I said word-for-word, but I do remember some of the highlights:

"I've come over here and asked you nicely to tie up your dog and I'm telling you right now, if I even see that dog looking at my yard I'm going to shoot it!" 

"And now I've paid $200 for her to cheer and she can't cheer if her arm is broken and WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME THAT MONEY BACK?  YOU?  I DIDN'T THINK SO!"

"When my insurance company contacts me to see who's at fault here I'm going to tell them YOU ARE and I hope they SUE YOU!"

For those of you who think I may have overreacted a tiny bit let me say that this has been an ongoing problem for a while and this is not the first time somebody has gotten hurt because of this dog and I've gone over there and very very politely asked them to please keep the dog tied up or in the house, as there are leash laws here.  Also, please remember that being the only adult here has really put a cramp in my drinking habit so I'm a little bit on edge lately.  And we won't even talk about how tired I am, how I am so tired that the other night Ashlyn and Haley woke me up in a sheer panic at 1:30a screaming that the smoke detector in their room was going off and I never even opened my eyes, I just mumbled "I'm sure there's no fire, please stop yelling and go back to bed."  That right there is good parenting, since there was no fire and me getting up and looking for a fire would have caused us all to unnecessarily lose even more sleep.

We went to the ER, and my father, who had one of his wisdom teeth cut out yesterday, let his pain medication cloud his better judgement and he took Ashlyn, Owen and Skylar to a business meeting with him.  It went well, and Skylar is now CEO of my father's company, TTA Broadcasting.  It's about time she pulled some weight around this place.

Haley's arm is not broken, thank Heaven, it's just bruised and scraped up.  Haley is not exactly the best patient.  Like, when they took us into the examination room and Haley informed them that they were not taking any x-rays.  And when they tried to examine her arm and she told them THERE WOULD BE NO TOUCHING OF THE ARM.  Or when they offered her some motrin for the pain and she was all "I don't want any of your drugs, the last time I took some medicine from a doctor that he said was motrin I woke up without my tonsils."  My brother came and hung out with us because Haley told me that was the only person she would allow to touch her arm, but it turns out she was lying because once he got there she changed her mind and reverted back to the No Touching policy.  And Brian was all lawyerly too, going "Did the dog bite you Haley?  Did it break your skin?  Did you at any time feel threatened by the dog?"  Because we can maybe get a steak dinner out of this.

Now we're home, I've cleaned the house, everybody took a shower, the wife of the guy I chewed out came over to apologize and check on Haley, I talked to the cheerleading coach and found out the game was cancelled anyway because of the massive downpour that happened while we were in the hospital, and I'm thinking that this post is so long I need to get a literary agent.  Or a shot glass.