Won't they be surprised

Monday is my parents' 35th wedding anniversary. According to the internet, the traditional gift is coral.  And I was stumped a little bit so I did some googling to find some recommended coral anniversary gifts and you know what?  The internet actually advises you to buy a salt water fish tank, fill it with lots of tropical fish and CORAL, and give it to the happy couple.  Now you should only do this of course if the couple are animal enthusiasts, and my parents have a dog, so I'm thinking that qualifies. 

I know they will love it to pieces, and if they don't then they will act like they do, because my husband is deployed to war and I am such a fragile flower these days that YOU SHOULD NOT HURT MY FEELINGS or you may get an ass-chewing like I gave to the cheerleading coach Saturday at the cheer expo, or one like I gave the dumbass customer service representative from AT&T wireless.  Dude, HOW MANY MONTHS do you need to get my cell phone bill right?  Because this is month 6, Kareem, AND IT'S STILL WRONG.

And you know what?  I'm using a lot of capital letters.  Maybe it's annoying, but GET OVER IT.  And also, I know there are people out there who have lived through all this before.  Oh, yeah, my husband was away for a while...oh yeah, my cell phone bill got messed up once...oh yeah, I typed one time in capital letters.  GAWD, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT.  I understand that everything in my life is old news to you, that you've lived through it all before and you know it all.  I get it that you wrote the book on EVERYTHING.  Good for you.  Now KISS IT.

p.s. how should I wrap up the fish tank?