Happy Birthday Brian!

Today The Lawyer turned 31. Being the thoughtful big sister I am, I got him this video.

The Tattle Book

I have instituted a Tattle Book here at the house to help alleviate all the listening to whining I have to do.  I got the idea from Jenny, who was having a hard time talking to me on the phone because I kept having to interrupt her to say "I don't care what (so-and-so) did!" and "If you are not bleeding then I don't want to hear about it!"  And she's all What you need is a Tattle Book and she proceeds to tell me how wonderful this little book will make my life.

Today we were at the Dollar Store (one of my favorite places ever) and I picked up a notebook, came home and explained the Tattle Book Rules to Ashlyn, Haley and Owen:  

1. The Tattle Book here is designed to be a place to vent your frustrations about your siblings without bringing them all to Mama and killing her buzz.

2. You can write about whatever you want to write about in The Tattle Book without fear of retribution from me.  Probably because I'm never going to bother reading it.

3. You cannot confront someone for writing about you in The Tattle Book.  If you have a problem with something in The Tattle Book, write about it in The Tattle Book.

4. If you cannot spell a word do the best you can, don't ask me how to spell it.  I'll figure it out.  If you have no idea at all, draw a picture.

5. If Owen wants to write about Ashlyn, Haley must help him.  If he wants to write about Haley, Ashlyn must help him.

We have had The Tattle Book for two hours now.  No one here has talked to me for two hours.  The Tattle Book has three full pages of crap written in it, including:

1. Owen called me a butt.  --Ashlyn

2. Ashlyn called me a punk.  --Owen

3. Owen threw a stick at your car.  --Haley

4. Owen said a bad word.  He said stupid.  --Haley

5. Haley pushed me and then I twisted my knee.  --Ashlyn

6. Haley wouldn't help me get the hamper with all the dirty clothes upstairs.  --Ashlyn

7. I did not want to help Ashlyn and then she started to cry like a baby.  --Haley

8. Ashlyn hurt my feelings.  --Haley

9. Haley pushed me down and I was carrying something for Ashlyn and she almost made me spill it.  --Owen

10. Owen said I was fat.  --Haley

11.  I wish Frosty would die because then we could get another dog like Heidi.  I like Heidi.  I do not like Frosty.  His poop stinks.  --Owen

Let's think about how much time all these silly problems would have taken away from my drinking.  The Tattle Book is a wonderful, glorious addition to our house.  I'm delirious with happiness.  Well, either that or I'm drunk. 

Now if only The Tattle Book would do something about ALL THE CRYING CRYING CRYING Skylar does ALL THE TIME NONSTOP WHENEVER SHE IS AWAKE WITHOUT FAIL then I might just marry it.  

Q & A

What's more fun than watching peewee football?

Watching peewee football when it's 60 degrees and you're wearing a tank top. And then it starts to rain.

Owen's T-Ball Schedule

Just in case any of you are in the area and are looking for a helluva good time.

Monday, 15 Sept @ 6:30p
Saturday, 20 Sept @ 10:00a
Monday, 22 Sept @ 6:30p
Saturday, 27 Sept @ 9:00a
Monday, 29 Sept @ 5:30p
Tuesday, 30 Sept @ 6:30p
Saturday, 4 Oct @ 5:30p

T-Ball pictures

Before I could get the pictures from Owen's first t-ball game on here he had another game and Ashlyn used my camera and took 187 pictures. Even though some were very good I only used the ones of Owen in the slide show. So these pictures are from his first two games.

Hold your breath

"I know what kind of car I want when I get 16."

"Oh yeah?  What kind?"

"A Bug!"

"Well, those are cute..."

"I want a MONSTER TRUCK!"

"Yeah, we know Owen.  Haley, what kind of car do you want?"

"Have you ever heard of a Ferrari?"

But I forgot the camera

Yesterday Owen played in his first ever t-ball game.  There was no winner or loser, just everybody on our team bats once and then everybody on the other team bats once and then you do it all again.  I took pictures, about 100 of them, and I plan on loading them onto the computer in the very near future and telling you all about how awesome Owen is at t-ball.  He is very adept at standing around and digging holes in the dirt with his cleats.  Seriously though, our coach throws each kid three pitches and if they don't hit any of them then they hit off the tee.  Well, Owen hit the ball off the pitch, because he is the most awesome t-ball player ever in the history of t-ball.  And yes, I know it makes no sense to say he's awesome at t-ball if he doesn't hit off the tee, because then it's not really t-ball, but I'm a proud parent and you should cut me a little slack.  I'll listen to hours and hours of you telling me how great your kid is at whatever they play and you'll listen to me.  Apparently it's some unspoken deal in the whole "parenthood" thing we do every day.

Tonight Haley cheered at her first ever football game.  And I forgot the camera.  It's too bad I did too, because if I had taken the camera I could have captured the cheerleaders all huddled close to the light tower discussing their plan of action.  I could also have captured the cheerleaders jumping around and stirring up a swarm of angry hornets who lived in a nest they had built on the light tower.  Then I could have taken a few shots of all the cheerleader running in all different directions with looks of terror on their face as the angry swarm of hornets attacked them.  And lastly, I could have taken a cameo shot of Haley getting stung on her shoulder by one of the angry hornets and losing her mind and falling down and screaming like she had been shot, then coming as close as humanly possible to hyperventilating without actually needing a paper bag.

And some guy who was in charge came over with a can of angry hornet spray, and he shot spray 20 feet in all directions and then came over and told me "If it's any consolation I've killed them all."  Uh, no, it's no consolation to me you freaking dumbass.  What would have been nice was for you to check the field beforehand and make sure it was safe to put kids on it, as another cheerleader also got stung (she handled it much better than Haley, no surprise).  And while we're at it, why isn't your flag at half mast?  Get with the program moron.  

Gosh, I seem a little testy.  

I really wish I was kidding, but I'm not.  This stuff really does happen to me.  I'm not sure why, but I've given it a lot of thought and I think it's the Russians who are behind it all.

Anyway, not to worry, Haley has another game on Saturday and I'll take the camera to that one and try to capture it all on film so we can relive it in photo albums for years and years to come.  So when I'm old and I just sit in my chair and mumble with glassy eyes they can hold them up in front of me and say "REMEMBER MAMA?  THIS IS FROM WHEN HALEY BECAME A CHEERLEADER, BACK IN 2008."  And maybe as they relive all these moments with me it'll all start to make sense to them.  That was the year.  That was the beginning of Mama losing her mind.      

Because the Universe hates me

Last night the t-ball game got rained out (Thank you Hurricane Hanna) and I was thinking that I had gotten away with having to sit at one less t-ball game this season but unfortunately we have to make it up tomorrow night (Wednesday) which totally messes up my weekly Wednesday date with Grandma down at Paul's Oyster Bar. This is disappointing to me for many reasons, some of which include crab cakes and free dessert, but I think Grandma is going to be even more upset. I'm not saying she lives for our date night by any means, I'm just saying that I normally pick her up a little after 6:00 on Wednesday evenings and last week I called her on Tuesday and asked her what she was doing and she responded "Waiting for you!"

Needless to add, Owen was devastated when he did not get to play t-ball last night. I told him God made it rain because he cried at preschool again.

And while we're talking about crying at preschool, let's talk about this morning, when I physically shoved Owen into the room and he fell down so I quickly shut the half-door to the room before he could get back up and he SCALED THE DOOR, flipped over the top and chased me down. Seriously, when he grows up his job should be determination.   I was beginning to think I should get him some pills or something and then he asked me a little while ago when Daddy was going to get his own room and me and him were gonna share. So now I'm kinda flattered.

On to tonight, when Haley had her first real live football game to cheer at. The plan was to go home, do homework, clean up a little bit (I stress "a little bit" because nobody here cleans anything "a lot" a.k.a. "properly"), and then eat and leave by 4:45 so we could drop Skylar off at Jenny's and get to the field by 5:15.  It was appoximately 3:50 when everyone was outside avoiding cleaning at all costs watching Heidi poop when all hell broke loose.

And then there was all this screaming and yelling and all I could understand is "SHE'S GONNA NEED STITCHES TO HOLD IN ALL HER BLOOD!" and everybody was crying and I couldn't even figure out at first who was hurt.  Turns out it was Haley, who was standing in the driveway dripping blood everywhere while she yelled at the top of her lungs "I CAN'T MOVE MY ARM!!"

You have GOT to be shitting me.

Now some of you may remember that Ashlyn just broke her arm not 5 weeks ago and she got her cast off last week.  That whole ordeal was such a pain in my ass an experience that I had hoped all of them would hold off, say, until I was dead before somebody else broke something.  And seeing the blood before I saw anything else I was almost afraid to look any closer, because if there's blood then there must be broken skin and if there's a broken arm and broken skin and blood then there's a good chance you're gonna see some bone and I can't imagine that's ever a good thing, even on an empty stomach.

This time it was not Owen, but the dog across the street who was at fault, the same dog that has terrorized my children and my dog for a month now, ever since those people brought it home.  And what do you think I did?  As I was suddenly overwhelmed with the thought that I was going to have another month or longer with a cast, that all that money I spent on cheerleading was wasted because she couldn't cheer with a broken arm, that it was her left arm and she writes with her left hand, that my children were watching me closely to learn how to deal when the shit hits the fan?  I did what I felt was the right thing to do.  I went across the street to the guy who owns the dog and absolutely chewed him out.  I lost it.  I don't remember what I said word-for-word, but I do remember some of the highlights:

"I've come over here and asked you nicely to tie up your dog and I'm telling you right now, if I even see that dog looking at my yard I'm going to shoot it!" 

"And now I've paid $200 for her to cheer and she can't cheer if her arm is broken and WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME THAT MONEY BACK?  YOU?  I DIDN'T THINK SO!"

"When my insurance company contacts me to see who's at fault here I'm going to tell them YOU ARE and I hope they SUE YOU!"

For those of you who think I may have overreacted a tiny bit let me say that this has been an ongoing problem for a while and this is not the first time somebody has gotten hurt because of this dog and I've gone over there and very very politely asked them to please keep the dog tied up or in the house, as there are leash laws here.  Also, please remember that being the only adult here has really put a cramp in my drinking habit so I'm a little bit on edge lately.  And we won't even talk about how tired I am, how I am so tired that the other night Ashlyn and Haley woke me up in a sheer panic at 1:30a screaming that the smoke detector in their room was going off and I never even opened my eyes, I just mumbled "I'm sure there's no fire, please stop yelling and go back to bed."  That right there is good parenting, since there was no fire and me getting up and looking for a fire would have caused us all to unnecessarily lose even more sleep.

We went to the ER, and my father, who had one of his wisdom teeth cut out yesterday, let his pain medication cloud his better judgement and he took Ashlyn, Owen and Skylar to a business meeting with him.  It went well, and Skylar is now CEO of my father's company, TTA Broadcasting.  It's about time she pulled some weight around this place.

Haley's arm is not broken, thank Heaven, it's just bruised and scraped up.  Haley is not exactly the best patient.  Like, when they took us into the examination room and Haley informed them that they were not taking any x-rays.  And when they tried to examine her arm and she told them THERE WOULD BE NO TOUCHING OF THE ARM.  Or when they offered her some motrin for the pain and she was all "I don't want any of your drugs, the last time I took some medicine from a doctor that he said was motrin I woke up without my tonsils."  My brother came and hung out with us because Haley told me that was the only person she would allow to touch her arm, but it turns out she was lying because once he got there she changed her mind and reverted back to the No Touching policy.  And Brian was all lawyerly too, going "Did the dog bite you Haley?  Did it break your skin?  Did you at any time feel threatened by the dog?"  Because we can maybe get a steak dinner out of this.

Now we're home, I've cleaned the house, everybody took a shower, the wife of the guy I chewed out came over to apologize and check on Haley, I talked to the cheerleading coach and found out the game was cancelled anyway because of the massive downpour that happened while we were in the hospital, and I'm thinking that this post is so long I need to get a literary agent.  Or a shot glass.  

One down

"MOOOMMM!!! Owen won't stand still so I can put this plastic bag over his head!!!"

Happy Birthday Jenny!

Today is Jenny's birthday, and I think she's now 18 and legal! Thank goodness for that...I know now Brian can sleep a lot easier at night. Anyway, the kids wanted to sing, and so I said they could, and Haley decided that Frosty needed to be in the video also. Heidi was not able to be in the Happy Birthday videos we filmed today (we also did one for Leeanne) because she was at the vet getting her tubes tied so we don't end up with puppies that are half Heidi-half jackass dog that lives across the street.

So while Haley looked for Frosty Ashlyn, Owen and Skylar practiced the singing.


Haley wasn't able to find Frosty so they sang without him. Haley didn't try very hard because she was sulking.


After the song was finished Frosty wandered into the room and Haley demanded he get some face time too. So here you go.

Happy Birthday Leeanne!

Leeanne, the kids' cousin, turns four today! We are going to her birthday party Saturday, which will be at Build-A-Bear. I am a little nervous about the present part though, as Leeanne told me she wants a dragon and some jelly beans. I'm hoping she'll just settle for Skylar. I'll even stick a bow on her head.

Also, can I get a shout out for Frosty, who can shake it like no other cat I've ever seen?

The proper way to say the letter "I"

Also, the biggest reason why Amy Lemaster could never move to Georgia.

My restful weekend

Scott came home this weekend for a short visit. He got here Saturday morning about 2:30a and will leave in the morning after I leave to take the kids to school. It is important for him to see Owen in the morning because that way when Owen screams like I'm killing him cries at preschool and people ask "But why did you cry?" he'll at least have a decent reason, instead of his normal one, which is "I just did."

We didn't do much of anything this weekend, which was nice because I was pretty much drunk the entire time.  Just kidding!  I was not drunk this morning at t-ball practice!  Anyway, we spent a lot of time outside playing in the front yard and we also took a lot of naps.  *winkwink*  

Scott will be back on October 7th (happy birthday papa!) and he'll get to stay until the 22nd.  He'll actually be boots-on-the-ground on October 28th (happy birthday Joe!).  At that point I plan on having a small breakdown, which I hope will lead to an increase in my dosages.  Because nothing says "it'll be alright" like more pills.

My little ball player

So I was wrong when I said when I got to Heaven I'd just live one street over from all the people involved in peewee football. Turns out that street is reserved for all the people who've had anything to do with 4 year old T-Ball. "Maddening" is not even a word that begins to describe it. Really, HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SHOW YOU WHERE FIRST BASE IS? It doesn't change. We are not trying to trick you. Honest.

It is the sweetest thing to watch though, and the kids are so excited about being out there on the field. And they get to BAT! and CATCH! and LOOK AT MY CLEATS! and it just melts my heart to see Owen out there playing. But even better than that was today, when Scott got to go to practice with him. Owen has about 9 or 10 games but they will all be over by the time Scott get's back on October 7th (which is also Papa's birthday, gosh I miss him), so I'm glad he got to go with us today and stand on the field with Owen and give him some pointers.

Mark Layne is the coach and he and his wife Amanda go to our church so Owen knows their son, Jacob. Amanda is becoming one of my good friends here and Mark is the best. He is the perfect coach and I'm so glad Owen is on his team. I'm not sure who is more excited about t-ball, the kids or Mark!

Owen tells everybody he meets that he plays baseball. He uses it to pick up chicks, just like his daddy used to. It's a good thing he looks great out there on the field. He gets that from his daddy too!

My Day

Oh boy.

It started with Owen crying at preschool, and fighting his teacher to the point where he actually got away from her and tried to run out of the school building to get to me.  It ended with Heidi peeing on my bed.  On my bed.

And you don't even want to know all the shit that happened in the middle.

I will say this:  All you people who said it wouldn't be so bad this time around?  Because the kids were bigger?  And able to help out more?  You are all a bunch of feakin' liars.  

Photo shoot

Last Saturday Ashlyn spent the day with Nana and Pops and Haley had no one to harass so I had to take one for the team.  To get her to just stop talking for the love of God I let her take some pictures of me and Heidi.  She used my camera and did pretty well!  Of course Heidi is very photogenic so it's hard to mess them up of her, but she actually made me look okay too.  And I take horrible pictures...

I say "Johnson!" You say "Wildcats!"

There is without a doubt a very very special place in heaven for anybody that has ever had anything to do with peewee football.  I like to think I have patience.  You know, like when I'm trying to have a little alone time with my blog and all sorts of kids want to ask me silly questions about some of the dumbest stuff imaginable, and I can't think about what I'm writing because they just keep talking and talking and my entire paragraph turns into a huge run-on sentence?  Note to all kids out there:  Whoever said there is no such thing as a stupid question was lying to you.  But really, I don't have the patience for what I saw this weekend.  No way.  Trying to capture and hold 30 or so 7 year olds' attention is not for me.  Those adults were trying, but I bet you there are kids that played football Saturday that have no idea who they played, if they won, or how they got home.  So there must be an awesome neighborhood for those people waiting just beyond the pearly gates.  And I will totally be content on the next street over.  Anyway, Saturday was the jamboree here and the mighty Johnson Wildcats played two back-to-back half games and Haley cheered.  I have no idea of the final score of either game, but I'm pretty sure we lost the first one.  The second one is a toss up.  

When we lived in Texas we would go watch Austin Ludwigsen play football.  Those people out in Texas are really serious about their football and I was amazed at the level of intensity they had 5th grade boys playing at.  Parents were getting in fights and everything, so, you know, it was really fun to attend.

I knew I was in trouble while I was standing between the fields waiting on my aunt Joan to get there and I saw gobs of parents decked out head to toe in Johnson colors, which happen to be bright ass royal blue and bright ass gold.  I'm not even lying, Haley's cheerleading outfit glows in the dark.  Then I watched a little of the game and boy are those coaches tough on those little kids.  There is yelling, lots of yelling, and there are tears from the kids and angry mothers in the stands.

The cheerleaders were cute, all 33 of them, even though they did not wear their uniforms because everybody doesn't have theirs yet.  I had been skeptical of this adventure, because when we were in Texas and the girls did the Supersquad thing Haley didn't really seem to care about it and instead used the hour they were at practice for socializing.  However, I was pleasantly surprised at the game.  Let me tell you something:  This is what Haley was born to do.  She was totally in her element and she had the time of her life.  I don't know how long it will last, and maybe she'll decide in a year of so she doesn't want to do it anymore, but as long as she wants to do it I'm going to let her, because she was maybe the happiest I've ever seen her.         

Whenever she wasn't cheering she had a huge smile on her face.  I don't know how her cheeks didn't cramp up.

#1 with an attitude!

Rant Rant Rant

Last year when we lived in Texas I signed Owen up for preschool.  We went and toured the place and the time schedule worked out perfectly for Scott to take him each day.  (what?  me get up when it's still dark outside?  are you kidding?)  Of course as soon as we left Owen said there was no way he was going, he'd just stay home with me.  I guess because I was never the one taking him to school I must have misunderstood what Scott meant when he said "He cries a little when I drop him off."  Plus, after a while he must have stopped because it was never mentioned again.  So basically he was going two days a week and was going in fine and having a great time and making lots of friends.

Now here we are in Georgia and Owen is going to Pre-K.  It's 5 days a week from 8:00a to 2:30p.  I have taken him every single day, which means getting up when it is still dark outside as it seems that's when the schools here start their day.  And let me take a minute to ask Why?  Why so early?  Call me and let's talk about, say, noonish.

Anyway, I have this schedule, and we stick to it exactly, or Mama gets all anxious and the drive to school gets a little hairy.  Well, Owen cried for the first 4 days of preschool.  And I'm not talking about normal crying.  I'm talking about wailing and screaming.  At first I felt bad about it, especially when he hollered "Mama!  Don't leave me!  I DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE!"  I mean, here I am going on and on about them staying where I can see them at all times so a stranger doesn't grab them and then I go and leave him with a bunch of strangers.  What else is he supposed to think besides Mama is a hypocrite?  So we had a little talk about how I would come back every single day and get him and he would be fine and blah blah blah and finally we had a talk about how THERE WOULD BE NO T-BALL, since he's a crybaby who cries like a baby every single feakin day and babies don't play t-ball.  And there would be no cleats, and I'd take the bat bag and the glove and the bat back to the store.  Well, lo and behold he quit crying.  He went in, hugged me bye and sat down at his place at the table and started playing.  Then, the next day he went in and acted like he didn't even know me.  All last week and Monday of this week he had no problems at all.

Then on Tuesday I had an appointment and I couldn't pick him up, so I sent my dad, Pops, to get him.  I told his teacher my father would be getting him and yes, he was on the pick-up sheet as an approved pick-up person and Owen heard me and started crying.  No, crying isn't the word.  He started having some type of fit that rivaled the exorcist.  I managed to get out of there and left him yelling but then my dad went to get him and Owen started again, saying he didn't want anybody but me, and refusing to leave with my dad.  Well, my dad won that one, but he wasn't too happy about it.  On Wednesday Owen cried.  And today Owen cried.  And guess what?  I'm sending my aunt Joan to get him today because I have to go to the dentist.  It's going to be mayhem.  

I told Joan "Look, if he screams and stuff and you can't get him then just call my dad."  And she was all "I outweigh him by 120 pounds, I can get him to the car."  But here's the deal:  YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.  You will not be able to manhandle him because his will is too strong.  Three grown adults were holding him back when I left this morning and HE WAS WINNING.  

What in the world am I supposed to do about this?  This is separation anxiety at it's very worst.  If I take away stuff it doesn't seem to work.  And I've threatened to take away t-ball but they all know I'm not going to actually do that, not when me pulling him off the t-ball team would cause Scott to lose his will to live.  I need help.  I need answers.  I need a therapist.

(the above part was written earlier today but I forgot to post it)

And I'm not even going to get into what I went through today with the jackasses down at the elementary school where the girls go, I'll just say this:  If you're going to make me fill out a list of people I approve to pick up my children and then you are not going to let my children go with said approved people then WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE DAMN LIST?  "We don't dismiss through the office.  Ever."  What kind of bullshit rule is that?  Will I ever get back the gas you caused me to waste today driving all the way out there?  Will I ever get back those cell phone minutes I wasted when I called to try to change all my plans when I didn't have to?  Will the dentist ever get back those precious minutes with his family he lost today because me being late (because of you) caused him to have to work a few minutes later?  Will I ever get back those brown hairs that immediately turned to gray when I realized my child might be stranded?  Will I ever get back the years of my life you caused me to lose when you caused me unnecessary stress?  Will I ever be able to forget the fake sincerity on your face when you said you "guessed you could bend the rules because of my situation, because it must be so hard?"  I DON'T THINK SO.  

And don't talk to me about my "situation" ever again.  And don't talk to me about hard.  You have no idea.  Don't presume to know me.   

Working it out

I have been going to a gym here for 8 days.  Well, I mean I have been 8 times, but I don't go on weekends and I didn't go on Monday so really I've been going for longer than 8 days but...oh, never mind.  I have not mentioned this because I'm pretty much still in shock over the intensity of the classes.  Everytime I go I honestly want to cry.  It takes everything I've got not to totally break down in tears, it is so hard!  I think I've gotten as close as humanly possible to having a heart attack without actually having a heart attack.  I'm just sayin' if you want to go to this gym and take these classes, you've definitely got to wear your big girl panties.  I'm still looking for mine, so until I find them I'll just continue to whine, which I'm becoming pretty good at, given all the time I spend listening to my kids do it.  

The gym is Club Fitness and they use all the Les Mills programs.  The classes are all one hour and I take the RPM class on Monday, BodyPump and BodyStep on Tuesday, BodyAttack on Wednesday, BodyPump and RPM on Thursday, and BodyFlow and TRX on Friday.  Skylar stays in the daycare there while I'm doing all this and she seems to like it (as much as she seems to like anything).  The trainers there are all really friendly and I've met some people who take the same classes I take so it's really nice, except when it's so hard and I'm so tired and my heart rate is so high I throw up a little in my mouth.  I have a new appreciation for drinking water, which I never do unless I'm pregnant.  And if I only drink water when I'm pregnant I had settled into the thinking that I would just never drink water again and instead live on chocolate milk, Dr. Pepper and tequila.  Now all I drink is chocolate milk for breakfast and then water all the time.  When I go out to eat, which is about one time a week I have Dr. Pepper, and at my mother's house I have sweet tea.  But everything else is water.  I even drink it throughout the day, when I'm not even having any food, like many other healthy people do.  It's quite the thirst quencher.  Somebody should get the word out about that.  

Then, this morning I put on some jeans that were fresh out of the dryer and they fit differently than the last time I put them on after I washed them.  They were looser.  My back fat seemed to be shrinking.  My butt seemed to be smaller.  My thighs seemed to be tighter.  I stood there for a second and then I immediately texted Scott and told him.  Then I texted Amy and told her.  Then I texted Sabrina and said Get your ho clothes out cuz you and me are getting belly button rings!  And I was so happy I went down to Paul's Oyster Bar and had a Dr. Pepper, ate three rolls, two crabcakes, a sweet potato, some broccoli, and then a giant cinnamon roll for dessert.

Yeah, that pretty much ought to take care of THAT.   

The terribleness of it all

Ashlyn ended up bringing Freddy the Frog home with her the same day she took him to school.  Amy told me "I bet she brings it right back home!" and I had hoped she wouldn't, but there she was when I picked her up, holding a large plastic aquarium.  While we drove home I tried to convince her to let him go, set him free, give him the life he never could have had over in Alabama at Aunt Chris's house, and she thought about it and decided that maybe she wanted to keep him.

To which Haley said "Daddy told me when he left that we weren't to get any more animals while he was gone."  Spoilsport.

So then we had to have an agonizing conversation about animals being mammals and comparing them to amphibians, which frogs are, and thank goodness we were almost home because I almost drove the car into a tree voluntarily.  

And then...tragedy.

While Ashlyn was walking inside the lid came off the aquarium and it fell to the ground.  She quickly put it all back together and came inside, got Freddy the Frog a bowl of water and put him in it and added some grass and a stick.  But Freddy wasn't moving.  

And she asked me "Mama, how do you know if the frog is dead?" and I looked closely and it seemed that Freddy wasn't breathing and oh my God did Ashlyn completely break down.  She cried and cried, not the loud, wailing cry that all the other ones do in WalMart when I won't let them chew through a box of Lucky Charms while they are sitting in the buggy, but a silent, sad cry that seemed very mature but was heartwrenching for me to watch.  

And then Haley said she really didn't think Daddy would mind if I went to the pet store and bought Ashlyn another frog since she was so upset.  Yes, buying a frog would be a great thing for me to do.  Even better?  BUYING A HAMSTER. 

Honestly, if I had known Scott wouldn't absolutely lose it with me I would have gone out right there and bought another frog.  To replace the free frog.  And Jenny said "No, don't buy a frog." and my dad said "No, don't buy a frog." and so help me I wanted to buy her a frog so badly it was killing me.  Then I entertained the thought of buying a hamster.  They are only supposed to live a year or so, right?  But my luck the hamster would live like 6 years or something, or the dog would eat it and then the dog would die and it just all became too much for me to think about.  All the possibilities of all the awful things that could and probably would happen if I brought another animal into this house.    

So I went outside to find Ashlyn, who had slipped through the door while Jenny was all "DO NOT go buy a frog!" and there she was, poor thing, with the shovel digging a friggin hole to bury the frog in.  I helped her dig it a little deeper and we carefully wrapped Freddy in a paper towel and covered him up with the dirt and the tears all started again, and it seemed really stupid to me to be burying a frog we'd had for less than one day and it seemed even sillier for Ashlyn to be standing there crying about it and my gosh it was so blazing hot and I was sweating but I took my time and didn't rush her and made it into the most important thing I did that day.

Ashlyn is having a hard time with Scott being gone this time.  She's asking more mature questions and seeing the bigger picture.  She cries when he calls and she cries when she talks to him on Skype.  Then she breaks her arm, ending her chances at swimming again this summer.  She was so excited about this frog, and then it died.  What in the world do I need to do?  She needs something, but her arm is broken so she can't do sports.  And I don't know how I would fit that in, with t-ball on Mondays, cheerleading on Tuesdays, church on Wednesdays, and me busy doing magic on Thursdays when cheerleading is over at 5:30 on one side of town and Owen has t-ball at 5:30 on the other side of town, and all the whining and crying on Fridays because everybody is tired.  I need ideas.  She needs something that is just hers, that Haley doesn't have or doesn't do.  Either that or I need Lucy to get me a turtle.   

(psst Lucy, you need to fix your blog so I can link to specific posts, not just the main page)

'Master would be proud because Owen touched it

Tonight we went out to my aunt's house so we could eat dinner and so she could alter Haley's cheap cheerleading uniform.  While we were there Owen, Haley and Skylar swam with Uncle Ronnie while me, Grandma, Aunt Chris and Heidi watched from the deck and Ashlyn sat on the side sulking because she couldn't get it.  So there we were, sitting there minding our own business when we were viciously attacked by a tree frog.  

I don't know if I've told any of you this but I'm not exactly one for nature.

And Chris goes flying out of her chair and really, it didn't matter at that point I was just about to pass out and I didn't even know what I was supposed to be running from because I didn't see it at first.  All I knew is here is a woman who spent many many years camping in a camper that folded up into a shoe box and lives in the boonies and if she is the least bit anxious about a creature then I'm sure as shit gonna run for the hills.  I'm not lying about the boonies part either.  While we were there some animal we couldn't see keep making some sound, like a BAAAAA!, and I kept saying "Are there sheep over there?" and there wasn't, apparently there are lots of animals that make that sound, WHO KNEW, and it could be all sorts of things, like a rabid deer or mad cow.  Also, her address is Georgia but I think it's really Alabama and they are just fooling us.

Then we (I use that term loosely as I was in my car already) realized it was just a little tree frog so we decided to catch it in a jar so Ashlyn could take it to Mrs. Lynn, her science teacher at school.  

We put it in an old mayonnaise jar and brought it home and it's now sitting on the kitchen counter.  And for the last half hour Frosty has been sitting on the counter beside the jar hissing at it.  Ashlyn is taking it out of my house tomorrow.  

Behold, Freddy the frog.    

And it looks brand new

Today when I picked Haley up from cheerleading the coach told me about a mother whose daughter moved up to the next age group so she wouldn't be needing her uniform and warm-up suit from last year.  The parent worked at the Braves' stadium here so I left practice and me and all the kids went right over. 

First I convinced the man taking the parking money that I wasn't going to stay for the game they were having tonight, that I was just picking something up, and he let me in for free.  Next, I convinced the man who works the parking lot closest to the gate to let me park in there, even though I didn't have a parking pass.  Then I convinced the man working the gate to let me in without a ticket to see the parent, who (it turns out), in a crazy, 6 degrees of separation thing I was good friends with right after high school.  She had the uniform, the bloomers and the warm-up suit, but the bottoms were smalls and the tops were mediums.  The bottoms fit perfectly and the tops were a little big but I have an aunt who is so good with a sewing machine you could give her two yards of fabric and some thread and she could make you a house to live in, so that didn't bother me.  What did bother me a little was several spots on the front part of the top.  Luckily, I have a mother that can work miracles.  One time she waved a bottle of Shout at a wall and the paint fell right off.  So I took it to her and in ten minutes the spots were totally gone.

Needless to say I am so proud of myself I could just burst; even though I probably ran $50 in gas out of my car driving around I still feel like I won.  The uniform and warm-up suit would have cost me $132 and I got it all for $50.  And unlike some people, I can do math relatively well and that's a savings of $82.  Which is nice because I just filled up my car with gas and it cost $89.50.  

So finally, something good has come my way.  Something that wasn't crying, had something broken, was bleeding, was throwing up, was tattling, was whining, or was smelling like poop.  I'd like to think my luck is changing.  But maybe it's just because I'm overly nice to old people.      

Tact is not her strong point

Ashlyn:  "I think it would be really fun if there were like, 8 kids in our family!"

Pops:  "Well, you need to go home and talk to your mother about that one."

Haley:  "It's never gonna happen.  She's been fixed."

A very nice shoulder to cry on

"Hey Daddy, how was the funeral?"

"Funeral?"

"Yeah, Skip Caray's funeral. The one you went to Monday.  Was it sad?"

"Monday I sat next to Erin Andrews."

"Oh, so that probably helped make the funeral more enjoyable I bet."

"Funeral?"

More teaching by yours truly

Owen:  "MAMAAA!  Heidi pooped in the den!"

Me:  "Okay Owen, I'm coming."

Owen:  "EWWWWW, SKYLAR'S TOUCHING IT!"

Me:  "Dammit.  Skylar NO!"

Owen:  "Dammit."

Me:  "Owen!  Don't say that!"

Skylar:  "Dammit!"

Thank God Ashlyn's arm is broken

Cost for Haley to be a Johnson Elementary Pee Wee Cheerleader:

Initial sign-up fee - $50.00

Uniform - $64.76

Bloomers - $8.00

Socks - $4.07

Warm-up suit - $45.00

Embroidery for warm-up suit - $15.00

Shoes - $20.00

Pompoms - $13.00

Hair Bow (lg) - $14.00

T-Shirt - $10.00

White turtleneck - $7.50

Embroidery for white turtleneck - $10.00

CD/DVD of cheer music and dance - $6.00

Cheer bag to hold all this shit - $10.00

Embroidery for cheer bag - $12.50

GRAND TOTAL:  $289.83

Are you freaking kidding me?

This does not include the cost of gas to drive out to Johnson one extra time on Tuesdays and Thursdays to pick her up from practice, the $1 per person admission cost to the football games, the entrance fees into the Shriner's parade or the Christmas parade, the end of the year party, the gloves, scarf and earmuffs for when it gets cold, the lollipops for the lollipop sale, or all my pain and heartache.  

If you would like to make a donation to Haley's cheerleading fund please CALL ME.  Otherwise Haley is going to have to cheer naked and just hold her pompoms in strategic places as I've already paid for them.  

Heidi Flea Bag Starr

Friday I took the girls and Heidi to a store here in Rome called The Back Yard.  Let me tell you, it's the most ridiculous store I've ever been to in my entire life.  They've got all kinds of yuppie stuff for you pet.  I've never seen outfits for dogs like the ones they had.  It was great for puppy socialization though because there were lots of other dogs running around the store.  Skylar was in heaven and couldn't pet them fast enough or yell PUPPY! loud enough.  Heidi immediately exchanged phone numbers with a yorky named Chadwick who, and I'm not even lying about this, was wearing blue jeans and a cowboy hat.  The next time I go, and there will definitely be a next time, I'm taking my camera!  They even had a dressing room where your dog could try on clothes in private. Do you know why they have that room?  So you don't look like a jackass shoving a dress over the head of your dog, who wants absolutely no part in wearing clothes and is trying to wiggle away, in front of other people.     

After trying on a pink off-the-shoulder tank top with a blue jean skirt we found this pink and white stripe dress that was a little too big but also half the price.  So instead of paying $30 for something Heidi could wear for about 3 weeks before she outgrew it I paid $15 for this dress she can wear up until it starts getting colder, at which point we will go back and get this.  It was also one of the less tacky things in the store (if it's possible to put any outfit on a dog and not look tacky, which it's probably not), and I don't really go for the "nautical" theme, the "prissy" theme, or the "ho" theme. 

If Haley had gotten her way with which outfit we bought we could have walked out of that store and immediately stood Heidi on a street corner and let her support all of us.  

Already she's up to 6 lbs!  What a porker.

The attic

In a nutshell, somebody ELSE is going up there to get the Christmas decorations down when I need them.

2-for-1 margarita night at Las Palmas

It was only a matter of time

I found out yesterday that the pediatrician Ashlyn is assigned to will not put in a referral for her to see the orthopedic doctor because he has never seen Ashlyn so she is not considered an "established patient."  The biggest problem with this is that we have already seen the orthopedic doctor.  We saw him on Monday so Ashlyn's arm, that was broken on Friday, could be properly casted since it's inadvisable to walk around with a broken arm just hanging there for people to bump into and pull on.  So because we have only lived here for a little over a month and in that time Ashlyn has not seen her assigned pediatrician because she is a normal, healthy nine year old with no problems necessitating a doctor we are now going to have to pay for a visit to an orthopedic doctor and a casting, which I hear costs about $1 million nowadays. 

Blue like her eyes. 

What I teach Skylar while everybody is at school

Q: What do we learn from this?
A: That I should take more video.

I don't know what I'm more pleased about, the fact that she shows signs of rhythm or the fact that her first move was to run to a table. I also enjoy the part where the fly white guy comes in at the end. (and I don't know if you know this or not, but after you click "play" if you move your cursor off the video it will clear up the screen for you)

Sorry about that

My link color was too close to my text color and I guess no one could figure out where I got my layout.  So I changed my link colors to dark pink so everyone could tell the difference.  

The layout came from here.

My attempt at being an optimist

Because I'm such a big copycat I decided to take a look at the site were Lucinda got her new layout and yeah, I changed mine too.  But really, what else do I have to do?  

Besides cook, clean the dishes, take out the trash, bathe people, wash hair, dress people, wash clothes, sweep, mop, dust, fold clothes, pick up toys, explain that we are all too old to be running around the house naked, put gas in the car, take the dog to the vet, take Ashlyn to the orthopedic doctor, go to the dentist, get dentist appointments for all the kids, call the exterminator about the ant problem we seem to be having, take people to the ER, take everybody to school, try to get people to understand that school is everyday and they need to suck it up and QUIT CRYING FOR GOD'S SAKE, pick everybody up from school, take the dog outside to potty every hour, change poopy diapers, get groceries, pay bills, balance the checkbook, explain again that if you are naked you should not come out of the bathroom without a towel wrapped securely around you, put away the clean clothes that people just threw on their closet floor, argue the plus side of taking a shower, check homework, sign everybody's folders, listen to people read, clean the litter box, try to keep the cat from eating all the dog food, get people re-dressed when they somehow get the lid off the stupid sippy cup, try to find all the shoes that the dog carries off, fix people snacks, break up arguments, delegate over the wii, scream at people that I'M GOING TO GET THE WOODEN SPOON IF YOU DON'T STOP, put on bandaids, dry hair, brush hair, fix hair, and explain that sorry, even though Daddy is gone we are still not getting a hamster or a bunny.  It's me against them, and I think they may be winning. 

So I decided to change the look of my blog.  Really, I've got all the time in the world.  I'm bursting with time.  I've got time coming out of my ears.  I'm covered up in time.  And the glass is also half full.  

Because we were due

Spent a little bit of time at the ER tonight.  It's been a while and all, but you know, it all comes right back to you the minute you walk through those sliding doors and the lady looks up and before she can even open her mouth you yell in a calm, controlled panic "HER ARM IS BROKEN!"

I found out tonight there are three ways you can be absolutely sure you get to jump to the front of the line at the ER:

1.  Be bleeding profusely

2.  Be throwing up

3.  Come in with a "visible deformity" on your body a.k.a. "having a wrist bone where there should be no wrist bone" (which is the option we chose)

We are currently sporting a splint but that will most likely be upgraded to a hard cast on Monday, or whenever I can get Ashlyn in to see the bone doctor person.  I don't have a picture of her right now because she was pretty upset and didn't want me to take one, and oh I don't know, I figured this was probably one of the times I should indulge her.  I also took pity on her while we were waiting on the tylenol with codeine prescription to be filled and let her pick out three of those teeny-bop magazines she likes so much.  Then I took her to Wendy's and bought her a milkshake.  I felt so bad for her I would have gotten her more stuff but it was after 10pm and my options were limited.  

Several things to note:

1.  Broken bones cause mass hysteria.

2.  My father is deaf and cannot hear his cell phone when it rings.

3.  An awful lot of policemen hang out at the ER on Friday nights. 

4.  Thank God it wasn't the hand she writes with.

5.  What goes around comes around, and boy oh boy does Owen have it coming. 

School, Day One, Recap

Today was the first day of school for Ashlyn, Haley and Owen here in Georgia.  It was brought to my attention today by Becca that school in Texas doesn't start until sometime around the 25th.  To that I say hahaha my kids are gone all day every day and you still have yours for three more weeks!  

Last night Brian and Jenny kept all our kids while Scott and I went out to dinner by ourselves, just grown-ups, with no children sitting with us, kicking us, wasting food that we paid good money for, spilling their drinks on my leg.  We got back to their house about 8 and it took 30 minutes to get them all out of there and in the car because turns out Brian and Jenny are SO MUCH FUN.  I don't know what all went on over there but Aggie met us at the door and was all THANK GOD THIS ISN'T PERMANENT.  

We got home and they picked out their clothes, brought them to me for approval, and then got in bed.  I was pretty pleased that we managed to have them all in bed by 9 or so because I didn't want them to be whiny on the first day because they were tired.  Then Scott and I didn't go to bed until midnight because we had episodes of Project Runway and Shear Genius to watch on the tivo.  At 12:15 I went to bed and shortly before 2 Skylar decided that it was time to do her thing where she doesn't sleep, she just yells and cries all night.  Scott went in at 3, 3:30, and 4 and that was when Skylar got a spanking.  

Scott was not allowed to be involved with the morning activities today in any way, because it would have gone much smoother and that would just be like a big teaser.  My schedule worked perfectly today.  Alarm at 6, hit snooze, get up at 6:10.  Get in the shower, get out and get dressed.  Wake up the girls, dry my hair while they get dressed and eat breakfast.  Get Owen up (this is where I almost hit a snag but I managed to just dress him while he was asleep and by the time I finished he was awake).  Wake up Skylar and eat breakfast with her while Haley takes Heidi outside to go potty.  Dress Skylar, brush my teeth, get in the car and go.  We left at exactly 7:25 and made it to the girls' school before 7:40.  They jumped out and ran in without incident and we left for Owen's school.

It took 11 minutes to get to the pre-K and we all got out and went inside (meaning Scott, me, Skylar and Owen).  We got inside and that's when Owen had his meltdown.  He cried and cried and begged me to take him home and the farther I got from him the louder he got.  And all the kids were sitting at the table looking scared out of their minds, like, Oh my God look how upset he is...WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN INTO?  So we left him standing there screaming and made a break for it.

After we left the pre-K we went by WalMart because it's right across the street and we needed milk.  It turns out that at 8am there is NOBODY at WalMart and we didn't even have to stand in line to check out, which I think was the first time that's ever happened to me.  We got home and shortly after that Skylar went to sleep, probably because she was still tired from being up half the night, so it was just me and Scott.  And you know what we were able to do with no kids around?  We were able to watch 4 hours of back-to-back Maury and Jerry Springer with no interruptions.  It was like heaven.

When we picked up Owen he said he loved school, that he couldn't wait to come back, that he had three friends already (that were BOYS) and that he got a star sticker because he took a good nap.  He doesn't know the names of his friends, but he does have two boys in his class named Ross and Chandler that sit at his table so I'm hoping they are two of them.

The girls get out at 2:50 and we made it to the pick-up line at 2:44.  I thought we were doing good until I saw the line reached all the way around the school, down the hill, and out onto the road.  Ashlyn and Haley got in the car at exactly 3:20.  During the time we were waiting Owen watched Happy Gilmore and Skylar said MAMA!!!! 2,743 times.  

I've got to find myself something to do while they are in school.  I cannot spend 4 hours a day watching Jerry Springer or I will lose my mind and possibly start talking with a southern accent.  And that would be tragic.

I can't believe I'm saying this

I have a 2004 Ford Expedition.  See, I had a Suburban when we lived in Hawaii, and it was huge so we traded it for a Rodeo, which turned out to be a bad decision because the week after we traded it I found out I was pregnant with Owen.  But then the Rodeo turned out to be a lemon, so we took it back and got an Explorer.  It was one of those Explorers with the third row seat in it and we thought it would work, but those cars have no room behind the third seat.  Not even enough room for a stroller.  Maybe a pair of shoes, but not much else.  So in order to fit groceries in the car you had to put the third seat down, which meant all three kids had to sit in the middle row of seats.  Annnddd, turns out when you have three kids under the age of 5 you need three carseats and (QUIT LAUGHING OR I'LL KNOCK YOUR HEAD OFF-YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) three carseats will not fit across the middle seat of a Ford Explorer.  

This was around the same time Scott deployed to Afghanistan, so I did what probably a good 80% of army wives do when their husbands deploy and leave them with all sorts of special powers of attorney.  I went out and bought a new, bigger, fancier car and put it all in my husband's name.  That's the story of how I ended up with the Expedition.  

Scott has a Dodge Ram truck.  Yeah, this is a good story too.  See, when he got back from Afghanistan we had the Expedition and we moved to Arizona.  Our friends Brandon and April (I'd link to their blog but they are super special people with a password protected blog and I'm not allowed to give out the password willy-nilly) lived across the street and Scott rode with Brandon the entire time they were in school there.  Right before we moved to Texas we decided to buy Scott a car so we bought a used Nissan Xterra.  Well, that car turned out to be a lemon.  If you maybe are starting to see a pattern here I will go ahead and agree that we have kind of bad luck when it comes to cars.  I don't even think we made one payment on that car before we took it back.  We ended up getting a Toyota Tacoma truck, one with a backseat so all three kids fit.  Oh yeah, and then I got pregnant again-but don't blame me, it's what I do best!  

Somewhere along the way I decided that if there was going to be a vehicle sitting in the driveway that we were paying for it should probably be a vehicle that our entire family could all sit in at one time.  And that's how we ended up with the Dodge Ram.  

All this leads me to my point, which is:  For the next year there will be a vehicle sitting in my driveway that I am paying for that nobody is going to be driving (my Expedition is paid off).  Which leads me to this conclusion:  I really don't need that truck.  So my thought is to trade both my car and Scott's truck in for one vehicle.  There are a lot of other factors that are going into this but they are secret and we are not going to talk about them right now, especially in the comment section, EVERYBODY GOT THAT?  Anyway, my thinking was to go out and get a new Expedition, because I love my car so much it hurts to think of parting with it, and the only thing that made it bearable was the thought that I could get another one just like it, only a newer and shinier one that smelled like a new car instead of french fries and sour milk.  

Now God help me, and I can't believe I'm even contemplating this, I can't believe I've even allowed Scott to bring this up and actually argue the pros and cons with me, but I've agreed to go test drive some (GULP!) minivans.  Oh, the humanity!!  Anyway, let me say that if I'm going to be tooling around in a minivan it's gonna be the sweetest damn minivan you've ever laid eyes on.  I guess there's something to be said for having a magic button that you press and a door slides open by itself and kids just hop in and then the door slides shut and you get in and drive off.  Also, who wouldn't like some hidden storage bin in the floor that you can just lift open and rake all your crap into?  And three different climate zones?  REALLY?  Did you know you can have three different types of weather happening in the same car all at the same time?  Oh, and you can even get a minivan nowadays with a kitchen table in it.  What the hell?

You know, it's not working.  I was beginning to cross the line and then my mother said "So both my kids are going to drive minivans?"  How can I let my mother down again, especially after the whole birthday present fiasco?   And to make matters worse I talked about it in front of the kids and they actually want a minivan.  They think it would be so cool.  What is wrong with them?  I have spent a lot of time and effort trying to raise cool kids.  In an Expedition.  With leather and a DVD player in the ceiling and XM Radio and a cool Army sticker on the back window.  And I buy those kids all kinds of stuff and they are turning on me.  I can't put stickers on a minivan!  Cripes!  The only thing worse than a minivan is a minivan with stickers, especially the stickers of the stick people and the animals that represent each member of your family.  Man, I hate those.  Oh please no jokes about how all the members of my family wouldn't fit on the window of just one minivan because there are just so many of us BECAUSE I KNOW.

I've been fighting my destiny for a while now.  Let's all vote.  New Expedition or minivan?           

A present for Nana

Friday was my mother's birthday.  It is extremely hard to buy presents for my parents because there is literally nothing out there to buy.  If they decide they want something they simply go out and get it, which leaves nothing for us.  So you end up buying them crap, and they don't like it, but they pretend like they do, and then they talk about you to your siblings.  

This year Jenny (Brian's wife) asked me what I was getting her and I said I didn't know and she said she had a brilliant idea.  An idea so bright and wonderful it shined like the light of the sun.  So of course I said I don't know how much it costs and I don't care how much it costs, I'll go in for half.  Her idea was for us to get all the grandkids together and take some pictures and frame them for Nana.  And I totally agreed, because there is no better gift in the world than a picture of your grandkids, the little slobby people that you allow to trash your house while at the same time you have chairs in your house that I, a completely responsible adult, am not allowed to sit on...ever, no matter what.  I have a pretty nice camera, so I agreed to take the picture if Jenny could supply a white sheet for a backdrop.  See, a while back Becca decided she wanted to be a photographer and she took some pictures of Skylar and I half-ass watched so now I think I am Glamour Shots or something.  

And you know what?  We got to Jenny's house and Skylar refused to be in the picture.  So Scott had a little pow-wow with her butt and she started crying.  Then Owen refused to stand still.  Then Haley got bored and quit smiling.  Then Mary Kate couldn't produce a smile at all.  Then Claire, sweet baby Claire-Bear, who is perhaps the most well-behaved baby I've ever seen in my life, had some kind of breakdown.  So Jenny got out a bag of jelly beans and so all the pictures were of kids holding their hands out.  And bless Ashlyn's heart, she was trying so hard to hold them all together but it just wasn't working.  

I took 96 pictures.  I am not even lying about that.  Know how many good ones we got?  Four.  No shit.  Four freaking pictures.  And I'm counting this one.       

Nice to meet you

"What did you do today while I was at the dentist?"

"I took the kids to Lowe's."

"Really?  How'd that go?"

"I can't believe the number of smart-ass comments people make when you go someplace with four kids."

"WELCOME TO MY LIFE."

Bad hair runs in the family

Since moving to Georgia and introducing Skylar to a little thing called humidity, the hair situation has just become unmanageable.  

I put her hair in a ponytail (kindof) before we went over to Kroger to buy up all the $1 boxes of frozen waffles they were advertising and that lasted to the end of the driveway.  In this picture it looks like there's no hair on the side of her head but don't worry, there's hair there, it's just all still pushed back impersonating a ponytail.  I have to admit the one cool thing about her hair is if you take the bow out it still stays in position.     

Front shot of the hair.  There is quite a bit of new hair coming in and that should really help thicken it up, which will be good because once it gets a little heavier it might be able to tolerate some type of hair product.  I'm in the process of working on some stuff while we wait on the new hair though, and it involves wooden dowels and the stove and some grosgrain ribbon.  Jenny, I'm about to impress the hell out of you, so get ready.   

All dressed up

I think she can definitely pull off the red color, but I'm having trouble understanding why she chose something with straps, as she has no shoulders to speak of. 

Tattooed beauty

I have been talking about getting a tattoo for a while now, and we all know that I am all talk and no show, so Skylar got one instead.  

I put a fake one on the top of my foot and on the inside of my wrist so I could decide which I liked better, and the one on my wrist nobody ever saw because my watch covered it.  No one (I mean either of my parents) has commented on the one on my foot yet, and this could be a good thing, because I could just put fake ones on it for a while and then get a real one and no one would know the difference.  This could also just mean that they are simply holding their tongue because they are hoping the medication kicks in again before I make it down to the tattoo parlor on Broad Street.  Either way, this decision is becoming almost as hard as naming that damn dog, who, turns out, refuses to pee outside of the house when it's raining.        

Tagged yet again

Tagged
I was tagged by Amy to do another one of these stupid questionnaire thingys. I meant to do it the other day and then I totally forgot about it over the weekend. So better late than never I guess.

1) LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER? Chicken Little. This was roughly three years ago, and we were living in Arizona. (April and Brandon, you remember this?!) I really can't seem to get across to people just how much I dislike going to the movie theater.

2) WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I'm not reading any books right now. Ask me again in August.

3) FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Scrabble

4) FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Real Simple. I've got about 6 of them piled up in the armoire. It's what I'll be reading in August.

5) FAVORITE SMELLS? Skylar's hair after it gets washed. It smells like lavender. I also like the smell of cookouts, but only if it's a charcoal grill, and freshly cut grass.

6) FAVORITE SOUNDS? The crickets at night. I'd forgotten about crickets. They don't have them in Texas.

7) WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Well, I'm really afraid that something will happen to me during the day when it's just me and Skylar and the others are at school and she'll just be confused and upset that I won't get up or move.

8)WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN U WAKE UP? I wonder how much longer it will be before the kids all get up.

9) FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? Krystal

10) FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Oh HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

11) FINISH THIS STATEMENT—"IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'd be able to keep Scott from going away.

12) DO YOU DRIVE FAST? yeah, sometimes

13) DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? no

14) STORMS–COOL OR SCARY? Cool until you add in tornadoes

15) WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? Chrysler Laser

16) FAVORITE DRINK? Dr. Pepper

17) FINISH THIS STATEMENT-IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD sew

18) DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI? yes

19) IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY OTHER COLOUR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE? I wouldn't dye all my hair

20) NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
Rome, GA (1974-1997)
Cleveland, TN (1997-1998)
San Angelo, TX (Apr 1998-Aug 1998)
Fairbanks, AK (Sept 1998-Jul 2001)
Rome, GA (Jul 2001-Dec 2001)
Sierra Vista, AZ (Dec 2001-Jun 2002)
Honolulu, HI (Jun 2002-Mar 2004)
Rome, GA (Mar 2004-Jun 2005)
Sierra Vista, AZ (Jun 2005-Nov 2005)
San Angelo, TX (Nov 2005-Jun 2008)
Rome, GA (June 2008-Present)

21) FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? UFC

22) ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? She has nice boobs. Aw, I don't know. I'm not in the mood to get all sentimental right now!

23) WHATS UNDER YOUR BED? a rubbermaid box full of past tax returns and all our birth certificates. Also tons of pictures in shoeboxes.

24) WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN? yes

25) MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL? Night owl. I am in no way a morning person.

26) OVER EASY OR SUNNY SIDE UP? over medium

27) FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX? bed

28) What happened to #28?

29) FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? strawberry

30) OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE TAGGED, WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? I don't know...Jin is pretty good at doing them. Amber would probably rather die first...


Okay, so I tag Amber, Jin, Jenny, Becky, Robin, Katie, Lucinda and Midge

In other news

Scott grew facial hair!

Update on No-Name

We decided to call the dog Genie, mainly because I got tired of (a)rattling off names only to be shot down and (b)saying "No, you may not call the dog Nugget." Genie had been the last name we had all kind of liked, and it seemed cute, so it was done.

Then we spent Friday and Saturday down in Cave Spring at my uncle's pool on a two-day bender with roughly 400 other people. Genie was a huge hit and for two straight days she was held and petted and loved on and spoiled rotten. Naturally people were asking her name and we would say Genie and the response would be "Oh, like I Dream of Jeannie or Genie in a Bottle?" Honestly that never came to my mind when we named her and I had no idea that question would come up repeatedly (like 10 times an hour for two days).  After hearing Haley explaining to some stranger that it was "Genie after Gene Simmons because they both have long tongues and my mama likes that." I realized we were going to have to come up with something else. Oh, and also that we needed to have a talk with Haley about a little thing called "context" which I don't think she's grasped yet.

Today Scott mentioned that he didn't like the name Genie, that it didn't seem to fit the dog at all, and we needed to name her something different. I ageed with all this, Genie didn't really work, but I couldn't remember any of the other names that I liked last week so now the dog's name is Heidi. Or, if you are Skylar, it's Hi-Bee. Either way it seems to work better than Genie did, but I can't promise I won't change it again.  

My little Puddin'     

Cave Spring Fireworks

Thursday night we took the kids down to Cave Spring to see their firework show. I can't lie, the main reason we went was because I heard there would be lots of fat girls in bikinis and really, who wants to miss out on something like that? We got down there kind of early so we went to Sabrina and Dan's house (Sabrina is my tattooed friend from high school) to pre-game. So we ended up getting to the fireworks later than we planned and didn't get to walk over to the pool and check out all the babes.

Joel and Lucinda (more of our friends) were already set up right along the road so we joined them. Right across the street was the fire hall and there were rows of cars where everyone had parked. And I'm not even kidding, the people in charge had roped off like one row and said "Nobody park here" and that's where they shot them from. Just off the ground right next to all the parked cars, about 20 yards or so from were we were sitting. I'm sure they were taking the necessary precautions and all, but I swear it seemed totally unsafe. I'm happy to report nothing bad happened, although we did see one woman get wheeled across the street on a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance but that was way before the fireworks actually started so I'm guessing it was unrelated. All the kids took great notice of the lady on the stretcher, and you could see their little minds working, and we all decided that on the way home when all they wanted to talk about was the lady being put in the ambulance and what in the world happened to her we would say she didn't drink enough water and eat enough vegetables at dinner and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. SHE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SEE THE FIREWORKS SHE WAS SO UNHEALTHY.

Sitting so close to where they were shooting off the fireworks was great because we had a really good view of them, but unfortunately they were also extremely loud and Skylar screamed NO! NO! NO! throughout the entire show. It seems Skylar doesn't care for fireworks. Gee, something Skylar doesn't like...WHO KNEW.

I had taken some pictures before the show of the kids playing. Will and Ava belong to Joel and Lucinda. Caden belongs to Dan and Finn belongs to Sabrina. The other 47 kids are mine.

4th of July 2008

Happy 4th of July!

I have lots and lots of pictures to post of our busy week but right now I'm so tired I can't even muster up the energy to plug the camera into the computer and transfer all of them. We went to three different firework shows, and Skylar only screamed like a banshee through two of them, though the second one made me a little nervous too, as we were only sitting about 20 yards from where they were shooting them off. We also let our kids participate in what could be the most redneck 4th of July parade that ever happened. Well, really it was only three of them because at the last minute Skylar refused to get on the float so she ended up sitting with us. The float the kids rode on was my uncle Tom's, and it was decorated beautifully (think of what it would look like if a flag exploded all over a trailer), and across the back were fold-out chairs that said Budweiser all over them, which is where my Grandma sat. I am not even kidding. It was fabulous. My only regret was that I only took pictures, because video would have been AWESOME.

I'll post some pictures this weekend!