My workout from hell

With the army ball fast approaching I decided I needed to take some type of serious attitude toward working off some of my fat. It seems the only exercise I enjoy is doing a sit-up to flip my pillow to the cool side and really that needs to change. So I enlisted the help of SSG Nicole Powell, who trains the fat overweight soldiers. Nicole came over, all 95 pounds of her, with a written exercise plan for me to follow for the next 6 weeks. She also assured me that if I stuck to the plan and watched what I ate I would lose one size by June 16th and fit into my dresses.

I would just like to say that I am not going to meet my goals following this plan because instead I am going to be dead.

Monday, Wednesday, Friday
1 hour walk on the treadmill (or (2) 30 minute walks)
1-3 min: incline=1.0 @ 3.0 mph (warm-up)
3-6 min: incline=10 @ 3.5 mph
6-9 min: incline=3.5 @ 4.0 mph
9-12 min: incline=9.5 @ 3.5 mph
12-15 min: incline=4.0 @ 4.o mph
15-18 min: incline 9.0 @ 3.5 mph
18-21 min: incline 3.5 @ 4.0 mph
21-24 min: incline 9.5 @ 3.5 mph
24-27 min: incline 3.0 @ 4.0 mph
27-30 min: incline 1.0 @ 2.5 mph (cool down)
REPEAT!!

Circuit Training
30 seconds of each exercise. Don't rest between exercises! After one rotation, rest for 1-2 minutes. Do 3 rotations.
1. wide arm pushups
2. ball squat (use wall)
3. leg raises
4. ball dips
5. good mornings
6. ball crunches
7. eight count body builders
8. meet the queens
9. flutter kicks (which are straight from the devil himself)

Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday
1 hour walk on treadmill (or (2) 30 minute walks)
1-2 min: incline 1.0 @ 3.0 mph (warm-up)
2-4 min: incline 5.0 @ 3.5 mph
4-6 min: incline 3.0 @ 4.0 mph
6-8 min: incline 6.0 @ 3.5 mph
8-10 min: incline 2.0 @ 4.0 mph
10-12 min: incline 5.0 @ 3.5 mph
12-14 min: incline 3.0 @ 4.0 mph
14-16 min: incline 6.0 @ 3.5 mph
16-18 min: incline 2.0 @ 4.0 mph
18-20 min: incline 5.0 @ 3.5 mph
20-22 min: incline 3.0 @ 4.0 mph
22-24 min: incline 6.0 @ 3.5 mph
24-26 min: incline 2.0 @ 4.0 mph
26-28 min: incline 5.0 @ 3.5 mph
28-30 min: incline 1.0 @ 2.5 mph (cool down)
REPEAT!!

Circuit Training Pyramids
Follow the same rules for M,W,F rotations except the time changes: Round 1-20 sec, Round 2-30 sec, Round 3-40 sec, Round 4-30 sec, Round 5-20 sec, for a total of 5 rotations.
1. Plie' squats
2. Lateral raises
3. Twist
4. Lunge kicks
5. Push up knee pull
6. Plank

I have made a major decision regarding this workout. If it doesn't work, then I am going to ask my dad for my inheritance up front and I am going to have Dr. Rey from Dr. 90210 suck it all out!